Woman refuses to make an effort with friend's new baby after friend ignores her for an entire month: ‘I didn’t usually call her out but this time I did’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Feb 7, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Friendships are fragile dynamics. On the one hand, you'd like to think that your other platonic half isn't capable of partaking in manipulative behavior and making that behavioral error your problem. Yet, on the other hand, the worst thing you can do is not vouch for yourself and make excuses for someone who might not respect you as much as you think they do. Finding the perfect balance between self-love and self-sabotage is a slippery slope, but not impossible.

The friend in this story is not treating the woman who posted it with respect. The friend is pregnant and struggles to deal with the pregnancy on her own. So, the woman decides to visit her friend every weekend, despite how exhausting that gets, and her friend still finds something to complain about. Even when the woman has a health scare of her own, her friend makes it all about her and ignores her for a month. As if it couldn't get any worse, the friend then accuses the woman of taking out her anger on her baby. Someone here is blind to their own actions, and it's not the woman…

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  • "I can't text a 9-month-old or just show up at their house."
    via Hollie Santos

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The woman tries to be as understanding as possible in the beginning. Pregnancy hormones, fear, the like—it wasn't unusual to be demanding at this point in the pregnancy. Expecting a friend to visit every weekend, a friend who has a partner,⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a little absurd. What happened to the friend's family? Friendships are not indestructible, especially when one party decides to guilt-trip the other into doing more than what they're comfortable with or capable of. 

  • "AITA for not making an effort with my friend’s baby while her and I were in a fight?"

    I (25F) am child-free so maybe there is some aspect of parenthood that I'm missing here. My friend Stacy (26F) had her first baby about 9 months.
    via shoogerpuff
  • ago, Hailey. Stacy and I had some tension brewing in our friendship since she was pregnant. In the past, my time and energy had been very much available
    via shoogerpuff
  • to Stacy. At times I felt that she took advantage of my empathy and willingness to bend over backwards for her. She lived about an hour away, and was always
    via shoogerpuff
  • in some form of drama or crisis. I drove up to be with her nearly every single weekend, and the times when I told her I couldn't for one reason or another,
    via shoogerpuff
  • she would beg and usually guilt me with things like "I'm in such a dark place, I don't know what I'll do if I'm alone, I really need this". She also did a lot of
    via shoogerpuff
  • passive aggressive shutting down from conversation when she didn't get what she wanted, leading me to always give in and put my own needs aside. This
    via shoogerpuff
  • went on for years. I grew tired of this pattern and started therapy, where I learned to set healthy boundaries, speak up, and prioritize myself when it was important. These
    via shoogerpuff
  • changes led me to cut the weekends I spent with her in half. I was in the process of buying a house, starting a new job and masters program, on top of family
    via shoogerpuff
  • issues. I knew that she saw the change in our friendship and wasn't happy about it, but thought that with time she would understand and adjust. She never did, and
    via shoogerpuff
  • insinuated that I changed because I didn't support her pregnancy or because my partner was manipulating me into not spending time with her. I explained to her many times that this wasn't the case and that I am doing all I can to be there for her.
    via shoogerpuff
  • Cheezburger Image 10463852032
    via semenay erdoğan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Things came to a head when I had a health scare. I told her about it, and the next day she tried to call me. I was on the phone with someone else and couldn't answer, but
    via shoogerpuff
  • texted her immediately after to let her know and make sure that everything was okay. She once again got upset because I didn't answer right away, and I had had it. On the very
    via shoogerpuff
  • rare occasion that I ask for support from her she had to make it about herself. I didn't usually call her out but this time I did. I told her I didn't understand
    via shoogerpuff
  • why she had an attitude, she said "thanks for making me cry" and then didn't respond to me for over a month. Then, when she finally did, she didn't ask about my health. She
    via shoogerpuff
  • didn't apologize or even bother explaining. She instead accused me of using her daughter as a by not acknowledging her. She
    via shoogerpuff
  • said that Hailey didn't deserve absolutely no effort just because her and I were in a fight, and that it was so messed up that I would add Hailey into the equation. I'm so confused. Hailey had
    via shoogerpuff
  • nothing to do with the fight, and Stacy was the one who had ignored me for over a month. What was I supposed to do in this scenario? I can't text a
    via shoogerpuff
  • 9 month old or just show up at their house. I'm genuinely lost, can someone please explain this to me? AITA?
    via shoogerpuff
  • introspectiveliar NTA. Her old manipulative tricks don't work anymore, so she is trying new ones. You do know don't you that most friendships, even healthy ones end over time? People just grow apart, move in different directions or in this case, one friend finally gets fed up with the other's behavior. You don't owe her anything, so walk away completely and avoid her entirely.
    via introspectiveliar
  • Cutie Tokyo NTA, not your responsible at all lol. She turned the situation into a guilt trip, making it about her daughter when the real issue is her not respecting you. You can't make an effort with a baby who has no relationship with you, and her ignoring you for a month only made things worse
    via CutieTokyo
  • son-of-a-mother NTA Drop the emotional vampire.
    via son-of-a-mother

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