16-year-old moves out of family home after finding herself the scapegoat and being blamed by her 15-year-old for a school-wide cheating scandal: 'My stepmother told me if I didn't apologize I could forget my dad helping me pay for college'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Feb 12, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Being tried for something you didn't do or weren't at fault for in the kangaroo courtroom of your parents' accusations is an injustice that echoes to all of us as a shared teenage experience. That hopeless feeling as you try to explain or argue your way out of something they've already made their mind on is about as frustrating as the adolescent experience can get. 

And that, even then, is when you have parents who are well intended and on the whole looking out somewhat selflessly for your best interests—loving parents with the best for their children in mind.

There is of course, another sort of parent who unfortunately don't treat their children as such. Choosing instead to make a scapegoat of their children, or one child, for their problems, and blaming them for things beyond reasonable mistaken accusation.

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    via Roberto Nickson

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This teen found herself on the receiving end of every little accusation from her parents, whether or not she or her younger sister were actually, or reasonably, responsible. When her sister tried to accuse her of being the mastermind of a cheating scandal that was gripping the school, her parents jumped on board without pausing to think about the situation, forcing the teen to have to take matters into her own hands to go live with her grandparents. 

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    "AITA for saying I don't want family therapy and I don't want to fix things with my family because they can't make up for how they treated me?"

    I (16f) have the worst relationship with my parents (40s) and my sister (15f). When we were way younger my sister started blaming me for things she did and our parents would always believe her. It didn't matter what it was. If she left the fridge door open she'd blame me, if she left something out of the fridge or freezer she'd blame me, if she snooped in our parents bedroom
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    and made it obvious someone had she'd blame me and if she broke something she'd blame me. Our parents never believed me when I said I didn't do it. Even when others spoke up to defend me it wouldn't register with them. Basically the fact she got in there first meant they bought what she said.
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    She'd do worse stuff and pin it on me so she never got into any trouble. And other times she'd just make up stuff so I'd get into trouble. Eventually some of our extended family started to believe I was a really bad kid. My mom's parents were two people who never believed it and they saw enough of my sister's behavior and how she'd blame me for stuff to know it wasn't true.
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    There were a few times we were at their house and she did something and blamed me but our grandparents saw her do it and then when we went home our parents would believe her. They berated my grandparents for "not looking deeper" at it and believing her. Even though my grandparents caught her they wouldn't believe it.
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    Three weeks ago my sister's class took a test and they found out over half had cheated. The school saw it was her but she blamed me. Our parents believed her and they went to fight for her in the school and claimed I should be held responsible because it was me. The school asked why I'd do that when I wasn't taking the test and they showed my parents the evidence.
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    They said my sister had done a lot of sh before and got caught red handed and they could prove it this time too. Unfortunately before the principal had said all this my parents dragged me from class because they believed my sister and I had to sit through my parents doing everything to say it was me.
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    My parents decided to take us both home early and I texted my grandparents to tell them what happened so they met us at home. A fight happened and my parents were like why would we believe OP when sister isn't badly behaved and she is. My sister was ped her plan didn't work and she was ped that I was ped at her. We ended up fighting while my parents and grandparents were fighting. I told
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    her I wish I was an only child, that I hate her and would be happier if she'd never been born and hadn't been around to f my life like she did. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her ever again and if she ever came crying to me about her problems or tried to be friends or sisters I would tell her where to go because she can go and di for all I care. The stuff I said stopped my parents and grandparents fight. My grandparents insisted I go home with them and after I went up to pack my essentia
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    I'm still in my grandparents house and after a coupe of weeks my parents decided I need to do family therapy with them and my sister. I told them I don't want to. I said they believed her over me even when there was proof I did nothing wrong and I wasn't giving them the chance to fix or make up for that. They told me things can't keep being like they are and after everything I said we needed
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    to work as a family. I said we don't because they're not my family. My grandparents who always stood by me are. I told them I wish I had other people as parents because they were bad parents to me and she was a bad sister and I didn't want to make a relationship work with any of them. I said I want to stay where I am and never see any of them again.
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    They insist I can't do that but I'm not agreeing to therapy. They can maybe force it. Might be hard but they could try and force it through court or by getting the police or CPS involved I guess. I don't know how this stuff works. But if they find a way to make me go I said I won't say a word. I won't try. I won't give it a chance. They think I'm behaving like a spoiled brat because I should give therapy a chance and shouldn't write my whole family off. AITA?
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    MysteriousChic09 · 10h ago Nta, it's not your responsibility to fix a toxic. family dynamic. You have the right to set boundaries and choose who you want in your life. And anyone who believes a known liar over solid evidence is not worth your time.
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    dr_lucia First: NTA. No therapy is better than bad or manipulative therapy. Now, what to do? You do need to think a bit in advance because-- as you point out-- your parents could get the courts involved. I think not doing. therapy can be a valid choice, but a court might order it. If the do, you need
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    to present an argument to the court which is that therapy will be useless unless even more family is roped in-- that is, you would need your grandparents to come with you. Why? The reason is that the therapist's understanding will be limited by the information she is supplied.
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    Having three people telling one version of a story and one telling a different one will tend to make it seem like yours is less accurate. The therapist may be mislead. Your grandparents are involved in this family dynamic, so for the therapist to get an accurate assessment of what's going on, they need to hear from your grandparents too. Your grandparents explaining what they have witnessed would be useful.
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    Do talk to your grandparents about your parents pressure. Tell them that you think you'll be ganged up on if they aren't present. And also note: if you parents what your gransparents there, your parents should pay for the entire thing-- not try to pressure your grandparents into coming.
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    (And also there is something that might benefit your parents and sister. Assuming they are willing, your grandparents could go to family therapy just your parents and your sister. If your parents really want to 'fix' things they should be willing to do that and hear your grandparents view in the earshot of the 'neutral' third party therapist. That might help the therapist understand what's going on and help your parents and your sister. )
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    Square-Minimum-... • 8h ago Are your parents stupid? I'm asking seriously because it's hard to believe they'd behave so badly towards if they are not. This is all terribly unjust, I'm glad you have your grandparents.
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    Beneficial-Ball8... NTA • 10h ago Please write your parents a letter. Write each and every INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS instance, where your sister blamed you and they believed it (Please include the test, they believed (honestly, your parents sound lobotomizedly dumb) you - as a student NOT in that class could 'cheat' on - a test you weren't even taking yourself.... like... what level of delulu is this?)
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    Write them all down, a bullet point list. See, if you make twenty, thirty, fifty. And before you send it to them, please photocody it. At the bottom of the letter you write to them: "If you can give me an honest and believable explanation as to why you would think all that was me and never my sister, I go to therapy with you."
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    Cybermagetx • 7h ago Nta. Tell them they need to be publicly apologize for the decade plus of them siding with her without any proof what so ever and ruining your childhood for you to even think about it. And if they do that block them and your sister and let them deal with the fallout.
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    wlfwrtr 8h ago • NTA Tell them before you agree to family therapy that they each need to go to individual therapy, not together, alone. It's harder for each person to believe something when they stand. alone. When they say they are ready for family therapy. tell them that it's too late if you want.
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family drama siblings family feud family family dynamics teens stepmother aita AITAH kids teenagers moms parenting reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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