35+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (January 4, 2025)

Advertisement
  • 01
    kenzi @kenzianidiot guys im starting to worry that 2025 is just five 2020s stacked in a trench coat
  • 02
    Eli McCann @EliMcCann My husband is cleaning out our baking cabinet and he just said to me "how attached are you to these nine bags of hardened brown sugar? Let me know if one of these is a family heirloom." And I felt that shade down to my core. 8:03 PM 1/27/25 1.3M Views • 409 t 2.4K 69K ☐ 1.4K ↑
  • 03
    Hustlanani @hustlanani Being a baby must be scary, imagine sleeping at home & you wake up at TJ Maxx 9:07 PM 1/28/25 3.5M Views 342 1 11K 186K ☐ 3.8K ↑
  • 04
    jody @wnbagirlfriend but babe you love being gaslit 3:52 PM 1/26/25 1.3M Views 49 17 4.8K 57K
  • 05
    @reidoona a toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know • 9:40 AM 1/23/25 3.4M Views 235 17 19K 185K ☐ 4.1K 企
  • 06
    Matt Stoller @matthewstoller Hey Microsoft please stop trying to invent God and just make Outlook search work. 5:06 PM 1/27/25 1.2M Views • 214 17 3.3K 46K 587
  • 07
    mic THEObr @theobromic a 2005 study found an autistic reindeer herder in siberia that didnt like being around people but memorized the entire genealogical and medical history of all his 2600 reindeer, which made him a respected elder in his community Jack @JMB4wasHere . 2d What did autistic people in ancient times hyperfixate on 9:22 PM 1/29/25 1.7M Views 56 16.4K 99K ☐ 7K ↑
  • 08
    Böb Jänke: Hönky ❤ @Bob Janke Think they'll get rid of the IRS before April or should I file 9:29 PM 2/5/25 812K Views ○ 228 17 2.4K 33K 436
  • 09
    kenzi @kenzianidiot guys im starting to worry that 2025 is just five 2020s stacked in a trench coat 4:26 PM 1/26/25 722K Views 90 1 4.3K 36K ☐ 849 企
  • 10
    Brock Olivo's Burner @forsurenotBOB Hit the lady at chick fil a with a "glad I could pleasure you" after she said my pleasure. • 1:28 PM 1/31/25 988K Views 53 17647 23K 1K
  • 11
    07:09:11 Boring Business ✔ @BoringBiz_ Men will have entire setups like this just so they underperform the S&P500 hampton - e/acc @hamptonism. 1d discipline is for those who lack obsession. Shamptonism
  • 12
    "paula❞ @paularambles peak journalism META 'Everything I Say Leaks,' Zuckerberg Says in Leaked Meeting Audio JASON KOEBLER JAN 30, 2025 AT 4:41 PM 5:22 PM 1/30/25 110K Views ○ 17 17297 6K ☐ 270 企
  • 13
    Hunter @StatisticUrban Did he, Google? Did he really? Al Overview President Abraham Lincoln believed that defeating General Robert E. Lee's army would end the Civil War. He also wanted Lee's army to be destroyed. However, Lincoln also acknowledged the character of Lee and pardoned him in 1975. 8:01 PM 1/29/25 138K Views 38 216 5.8K 169 企
  • 14
    charlie @chunkbardey causing innumerable problems in the CVS by wanting to purchase the items they have there 4:45 PM 1/29/25 438K Views 22 tz 1.5K 30K 481
  • 15
    Liz Charboneau @lizchar There's gotta be a better way to say that. bryan metzger @metzgov. 8h Schumer closes his presser: "People are aroused. I haven't seen people so aroused in a very, very long time." x.com/metzgov/ status... 11:39 AM 1/29/25 553K Views 20 17896 17K 314 企
  • 16
    JT @ThatDamnJosh_ Old heads don't shop at Home Depot no more?? Recipes getting lost. WAFB WAFB @WAFB. 2d Man orders drill online from AliExpress, but receives printed photo of one instead: tinyurl.com/ bdf7mnmb?utm_s... 7:55 AM 1/27/25 2.8M Views 129 17.8K 150K 1.8K 企
  • 17
    emily may ❤ @emilykmay received a wedding invitation with a dress code but there was a missing comma and so it said, "no white ladies." • 9:19 PM 1/27/25 1.4M Views 171 17 2.7K 87K 1.3K ↑
  • 18
    Legs Chad Johnson @ochocinco Adina Howard @Ohits Mom0 - 17h Everybody is pregnant... what's in the air 7:30 PM 1/27/25.5.3M Views 591 17 9.9K 86K 1.5K
  • 19
    Emma Chapple @emma_chapple the fact that neither sabrina carpenter nor chappell roan has performed with miss piggy is further proof of disney's mishandling of the muppets 4:39 PM 1/26/25 2.8M Views 76 19.4K 139K 2.5K ↑
  • 20
    Not Today Eric ❤ @NotTodayEric The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they're in. 9:22 PM 1/27/25.14K Views 21 1780 596 ☐ 8
  • 21
    Benny Boy @Camel Crushin Meeting a Dan who's not the man is so heartbreaking. 4:57 PM 1/26/25 1.2M Views . • 97 t 1.2K 26K 766 ↑
  • 22
    RIC FARick Monday @mondayricker Most desirable Super Bowl outcome 36 10:00 PM 1/26/25 1.6M Views 60 13.2K 68K ☐ 1K ↑
  • 23
    Abby Libby ❤ @abbythelibb The Bible says men have to make coffee for their wives. "Hebrews" I don't make the rules. 2:27 PM 1/27/25 34K Views 111 163 1.2K 18 ↑
  • 24
    kie @criminalplaza this is what clocking out feels like 9:34 PM 1/26/25 2.3M Views 52 1 13K 127K ☐ 4.5K 企
  • 25
    skooks @skooookum You will never catch me referring to my girlfriend as "the girl of my dreams." I have never dreamt of a woman my entire life. When I was a child I dreamed of being an aircraft carrier and committing what I now understand to be corporate tax fraud. 4:17 PM 1/26/25 539K Views 74 1.9K 28K ☐ 1.7K 企
  • 26
    The Figen @TheFigen_ So true. JANUARY FEBRUARY MAREH APRIL MAY JONE July AUGUST PTEMBER 11:45 AM 1/31/25 18M Views • 1.4K 1 50K 534K ☐ 14K ↑
  • 27
    doomer @uncledoomer dont you dare take this away from me. how am i gonna text my wife that ive eaten too many ribs Alex Cohen @anothercohen. 21h While we're at it and undoing things from the past few years, can we finally get rid of the pregnant man emoji? + Q Describe an Emoii 1:36 AM 2/3/25 3.4M Views 117 7.5K 194K ☐ 2.5K ↑
  • 28
    KATY PERRY ✪ @katyperry I always knew hello kitty was a Scorpio 2:57 PM 2/2/25 29M Views • 2K 13K 119K 3.7
  • 29
    Grant Slatton @GrantSlatton it's wild how far you can get in japan not speaking the language, but japanizing english words me: hello, a hot chocolate please barista: <doesn't understand face> me: ehhh... hotto chokoratto barista: oohhhh okay 8:04 PM 2/2/25 606K Views 195 755 21K 1.5K 企
  • 30
    Jasmyn @Jasmyn BeKnowing Me every single day of 2025 so far 9:09 PM 2/2/25.3.1M Views 363 17 28K 152K 5K ↑
  • 31
    Fred Delicious @Fred Delicious imagine watching him walk back to the cockpit if she said no NEW YORK POST New York Post @nypost. 21h Pilot proposes to girlfriend midflight in heartwarming video: 'My co-pilot of love and life' trib.al/QySyPCX 4:23 AM 2/6/25 2.1M Views 280 17 3.6K 52K 1.1K 企
  • 32
    mir -- @itsonlymir idk who needed to hear this but in about 35 days the sun will start setting at 7pm 11:19 PM 2/4/25.3M Views 513 16K 134K ☐ 3.3K ↑
  • 33
    monica @waystarroyhoe winning a grammy for being hater lowkey the most inspired i've felt in a while NET 21 @21metgala .3d
  • 34
    neature vs norture @chionogirl Two year old is in complete denial that her grandpa is my dad. She gets so mad if I tell her • 9:06 AM 2/4/25.7.4M Views 553 18.6K 281K 7.8K
  • 35
    John Attridge @John_Attridge Can anyone recommend some good introductory books for someone just getting into reading performatively on public transport 6:31 AM 2/6/25 1.4M Views 575 12.7K 58K 2.6K 企
  • 36
    Mollie Goodfellow @hansmollman Just dropped my car off at the garage and managed to drop the word carburettor into conversation with the mechanic so he knows to take me seriously and he told me my car doesn't have a carburettor 3:39 AM 2/5/25 634K Views 455 491 13K 200 ↑
  • 37
    Egg Price Sufferer @agraybee I hate it when brutal autocrats do the exact thing I would do if I ran a country. VISEGRAD24 Visegrád 24 @visegrad24.14h Saudi Arabia has asked the Oscar-winning composer, Hans Zimmer, to work on a new version of its national anthem. 3:31 PM 2/6/25 457K Views 32 1857 18K 656 企

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article