Woman’s cheating ex keeps “accidently” sending her Valentine’s gifts meant for the other woman, she’s torn between throwing it away or returning to sender: “At this point it almost feels intentional”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Feb 14, 2025 1:00 PM EST

Happy Valentine's Day to the internet universe! What a special day of love, celebrating passion, attachment, infatuation, long-term love, crushes, dating, and…your cheating ex-husband's affair. Some people aren't fortunate enough to marry a decent person. Sometimes the red flags are glaring in the beginning, and sometimes people have really learned to hide them. If you are someone coming out of, or who has been in, a narcissistic or unhealthy relationship, then at least have the wisdom and third eye to discern the red flags now. 

There's a phrase, "if it looks like a duck, it's a duck." Meaning…if it seems like your husband is cheating on you, he's cheating on you. If he's cheated before, he will probably cheat again. If he's cheated multiple times and telling you you're the one who needs therapy, he's definitely a narcissist and no one you should engage in. If you know he's a narcissist cheater and already ended it, and are now receiving multiple care packages in the mail of jewelry clearly not for you, then it's obviously intentional. 

The protagonist in the story below is on the fence, but luckily the internet has the wisdom she may lack. Read below for the full story. 

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  • 01

    AITA for throwing away my ex-husband’s Valentine’s gift for his af***r partner?

    "This is clearly a Valentine's Day present for the new girl"
    via oatawa from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Timeline Clarification UPDATE: Affair baby questions UPDATE POSTED BELOW!! My ex-husband (34M) and I (38F) have been separated for a year and the divorce was final last year. About 3 years prior, I caught him in an affair in which he cried and promised things would change and
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 03
    he would never do it again. I was stupid, believed him, and stayed.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 04
    After countless infidelities, I finally found enough sense and respect for myself to leave the relationship. This man gaslighted me to the nth degree about his affairs, to the point where he said I needed therapy for the marriage to continue for my "false assumptions" and "questioning his trust". In fact solid proof of his
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 05
    multiple affairs were found days after the last you need therapy for not trusting me speech. This was the same day I asked for a divorce.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 06
    Found out through mutual friends he is expecting, and their conception date would be when we were still together based on his due date. So there's that. As you can imagine this has been a lot to deal with, and having to keep in contact with him to complete divorce proceedings and removing his name from my house was painful.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 07
    Fast forward one year to today, he has not lived here for a year. This is my house, he his name is not on it in any way. I still get mail for him here in which I have constantly and kindly asked him via texts to change his address for which he says he did and will double check every time. This mail includes
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 08
    things like insurance cards for his new affair baby. Just last week he has picked up the last of his belongings and "important mail" which I've held for months waiting for him to pick up. Celebrated this would be the last time I would ever need to contact or see him again.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 09
    Yesterday I received a package, and without thinking, I opened it on my way in the door thinking it was one of my many Amazon buys lol. Well it's a jewelry box, with 2 rather cheap looking necklaces inside, something I didn't order. I double check the shipping label and it's my exhusbands name. This is clearly a
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 10
    valentines present for the new girl as the rhinestones are green which I immediately recognized as her month's birthstone.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 11
    He's never ordered from this company when we were together, so I would have understood if he had an existing account which had the old address, but I don't see that as the case. At this point I feel this is almost intentional. How many times can one put the "wrong address" on your things? This man
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 12
    is very much a narcissist but even I don't know if he would go that far or if he's just that stupid. Would IBTA for throwing away the whole package in the trash? I looked it up and it was under $80 bucks and not fine jewelry by any means.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 13
    Also, I really wanted to go no contact moving forward so I rather not text him if it can be avoided. I would be lying if I said I didn't still harbor resentment and hate, but I feel guilty not giving someone something they paid for.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 14
    P
    via @svetlana-kolpakova / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    UPDATE!! First, thank you all for all the comments reminding me that I don't owe him anything. I don't know why I still feel guilty for doing what I want to do. I just got home from work so as of now the package is still in my possession.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 16
    Later today the dreaded text did come; no I did not block him yet. He said he just found out they sent another package to my house, and claimed he went off on customer service for using his billing address again. I left him on read.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 17
    Interesting because this is the first package from this company to ever arrive at this house. But mostly, his billing address is still my house, he hasn't changed it, he knows he hasn't changed it, and he feels that's a valid excuse for the mix up? He's running away from tons of debt collectors, so now starting to put together to dots of why he's not updating his address.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 18
    If it was a true mistake, part of me thought possibly he might not have the audacity to reach out to me about the gift to avoid awkwardness or shame due to the nature of the gift. I know if I was in his shoes I would have wrote that off as a loss, moved on with my life and bought a replacement to avoid the awkward and cringy conversation.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 19
    I've took the advice of many here and bought a return to sender stamp from Amazon to use on everything else I get from here on out. Until then I hope he doesn't just show up at my house unannounced because I'm not sure if I'm going to respond. I'm gonna think on the package one more night before sending it into the abyss.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 20
    Additional Update for clarity on the affair baby: I'm getting a lot of questions on the timeline of affair baby. The baby was born last year. Calculating conception date based on the due date, he knocked her up while we were still married. I
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie

  • If she knows that he's a cheater, and that he's separately a narcissist, then it should be a no-brainer that he's sending her these gifts on purpose. He wants her to remember him. The thing about narcissists, is that they never go away. They become obsessed with the person, and it's their life purpose to control them and get back into their grasp. 

  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10466170112
    via Yuganov Konstantin / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 22
    didn't say conception based on birth date because baby was born 3 months early. How did I find out? Friends on social media. How did I know the details? He told me. Info overshared in several of his excuses as to why he couldn't meet with the estate attorney back when I
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 23
    was removing him from the home's deed. More info than I would have ever cared to know. FINAL UPDATE Wow so I didn't think this post would blow up like it did. I'm a little nervous that he's going to see the post and know it's about him even
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 24
    though this is a throwaway account, but part of me doesn't care. Thank you to everyone for the advice and for reminding me that I owe him nothing. It also brought to light that I'm being entirely too kind to someone who continues to torment and use me. Also I really enjoyed all the creative toxic ideas of what to do with the necklace and had some good laughs lol.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie

  • This man is absolutely doing it on purpose. He would have to have typed out his old address (the address of his ex-wife) specifically. Even if it automatically charged from his Apple card, why wouldn't he double check that it's being sent to him? This is obviously a manipulation tactic. 

  • 25
    Despite wanting to stay no contact, today I finally responded to my ex husband's text from yesterday. I wrote "weird, you didn't change your billing address?" He texts, Apple Pay still has the old billing address.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 26
    So I responded, It's been a year, and he should probably go through his accounts and change his billing address. As of last week, anything sent here (for him) should have been returned to sender. No response.
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 27
    To clarify, I do not have his new address. He went through great lengths to keep that secret since he lives with AP, so I can't file a change of address in his place or forward his debt collection mail to him. He used his mother's address in our legal documents, so she's about to start getting a lot of collection mail!
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 28
    I received the return to sender stamp this morning and will be sending everything back moving forward until the post office gets the hint. I know this isn't as dramatic as most hoped, so sorry to disappoint! As for the package? What package?
    via u/Livedlaughedlovedlie
  • 29
    PrincessXDrizzlee NTA. He's deliberately sending things to your address to mess with you. Throw it away and block his number. You deserve peace.
    via u/PrincessXDrizzlee
  • 30
    foldinthecheese99 Don't throw out mail. Return it. Return it all. He'll change addresses really quick when he's receiving nothing and there's nothing on you for tossing it.
    via u/foldinthecheese99
  • 31
    My ex husband did the same. I forwarded it for about a month. Then I tossed something. He had his lawyer contact mine. Wasn't worth it. It was super satisfying tho when he accidentally sent his new phone to my house after he paid rush delivery since he broke his and I sent it back.
    via u/foldinthecheese99
  • 32
    He sent me a heavily worded email that he had to jump through hopes to correct it and had to put a new one on his credit card because they couldn't finance one until the one I sent back was received.
    via u/foldinthecheese99
  • 33
    Chaoticgood790 write "return to sender" on his mail. Stop holding his sh. You're still the same doormat that took him back after he cheated over and over
    via u/Chaoticgood790

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