Mother cancels daughter’s senior year vacation after finding out she’s cheating on her boyfriend, daughter runs away to her father’s, forcing the divorced couple to confront their past: “Put your bitterness aside, you’re taking it out on her”

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    AITA for grounding my daughter and canceling her senior trip after I found out she was cheating on her boyfriend?

    "Tell him or I will"
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    I have two daughters, Lizzie (17 F) and McKenzie (14 F). Their dad and I divorced a few years ago after I discovered he was having an affair. I have the kids most of the time, and their dad has them every weekend and during the summers.
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    Lizzie has been dating Jacob (18 M) for over a year now. Jacob is constantly at our house. He's a sweet, good young man, and I believe he'll be valedictorian of their class. However, a few weeks ago, I overheard Lizzie on the phone with a guy, clearly flirting. At first, I thought it was Jacob, but then I heard her say, "Brandon." I
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    realized she was talking to someone else. Then a week later, she mentioned to me that she was heading out to hang with a "friend," and when I looked out the window, I saw her get into a car and greet a guy with a kiss. It wasn't Jacob.
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    Even after that, Jacob continued to come over, hanging out with Lizzie. He and Lizzie still acted like a couple holding hands, laughing, and spending time together-just like they always had. I felt disgusted knowing my daughter was being a two-timer.
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    After Jacob left that day, I confronted my daughter. I asked her point-blank, "Are you cheating on your boyfriend with another guy?" She said it was none of my business and that her personal life was hers only. I told her she was wrong and that I raised her better than to treat people like this. She told me she was bored with Jacob
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    and that Brandon was more her type now. I told her that if she wasn't happy, she should just break up with Jacob. She said she didn't know if she wanted to be with Brandon or if she was just having fun flirting and teasing. I told her cheating was unacceptable and wrong, and as a consequence, I grounded her. I also told her she
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    wasn't allowed to go on her senior trip with her friends. She obviously did not take that too well and has been at her dad's place for the last couple of days.
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    My ex husband called me, saying I was being unreasonable not letting her go on the trip and that her and Jacob was just a "high school thing" He then told me I needed to put my "bitterness aside" and "stop punishing his daughter." I told him I was teaching our daughter right from wrong, and that actions have consequences.
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    Valuable-Big7211 • 16h ago Is your daughter aware of the reason for the divorce?
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    apaczkowski ⚫16h ago She will probably learn to be better at cheating. What you're doing is not wrong but I don't think it will work.
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    OnlymyOP •16h ago NTA. Your post sounds like Lizzie's a Daddy's girl and he's been green lighting her behavior.
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    • 2dogslife 15h ago I am probably older than you. Here's where I'm at. Cheating is a selfish thoughtless thing to do to someone you ostensibly care about. However, dating IS a personal journey and your
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    daughter is in HS. I think discussion about her bad behavior is fine. Maybe asking her how SHE'D feel if Jacob was seeing some other girl on the side. Perhaps even thinking about telling Jacob "the truth" when he next comes by.
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    However, her bad behavior with a boy ISN'T something to be grounded over. You are taking out your hurt and anger at your ex out on her. That's not fair or good parenting. She's too old for that BS.
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    If she was texting and driving, you would take her car keys because of safety. Staying out past curfew gets a phone taken. Being a bad GF isn't a safety issue, and if you failed. as a parent and she doesn't "get it" that cheating is bad, grounding her isn't going to
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    teach her a lesson, except that you overreact and have anger management issues. Teens do stupid selfish things - it's part of being hormonal and a young adult. Most will grow up and grow out of such behaviors, and 5 or 10 years down the line, she might very well be ashamed of herself.
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    • Imaginary-Future-... 16h ago ESH. She obviously sucks for cheating on her boyfriend - if she's bored of him or whatever she should break up with him. BUT she needs to learn how to navigate her personal relationships from the NATURAL consequences
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    that come from her mistakes... ie when boyfriend finds out she's cheating... You shouldn't be PUNISHING her for it but talking to her and hoping she learns. And if she doesn't learn from you than again... natural consequences. Her senior trip has nothing to do with her personal relationships with these guys.
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    M.. 16h ago ⚫ Edited 12h ago I think you could have handled it differently. The grounding is fine. But I think you should have placed a stipulation on the class trip: "Tell Jacob what's going on, or the trip is cancelled"
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    That gives her a chance to make things right. For all you know, Jacob would be open to your daughter seeing someone else. They're kids after all, and are still discovering who they are and what they want.
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    The key here is to foster open communication, both between your daughter and her lover(s), and between her and yourself. Edit: fixed the bf's name

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