Woman clashes with husband and sister-in-law over “men-only” trip that excludes her tomboy daughter from bonding with father, brother and cousin: ‘Sister-in-law said I’m being petty and controlling and ruining a good experience for the boys’

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 13, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Family trips should be celebrations of togetherness—everyone piling into the car, snacks packed for the road, and memories being made under the wide-open sky. They're supposed to pull everyone closer, creating stories to laugh about years down the line.

But sometimes, especially when dad and his sister are being mean girls, they end up feeling more like an exclusive club where not everyone makes the guest list.

Take one dad's plan for a fishing trip with his son and nephew, branded as a guys-only event. His daughter, who loves fishing, sports, and hanging with her dad and brother, is left behind because this particular trip is meant to be about male bonding. Cue the disappointment as she realizes that the thing she's always been part of suddenly has a no-entry sign. Mom steps in, pointing out that maybe excluding one child isn't the best way to foster family closeness, but her objections are brushed aside as controlling.

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  • "AITA for insisting my daughter should be allowed to go on the “guys only” family trip?"

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  • I have two kids, John, who is 13, and Kelsey, who is 11. My daughter, Kelsey, has always been a tomboy and prefers hanging out with her older brother and my husband. She goes fishing
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  • and watches/plays sports with them. Meanwhile, I enjoy gardening and baking. No biggie to me. I love their bond and am happy she's close with her brother and dad.
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  • My husband's only sister is a single mom and has recently moved to our state with her son, Michael who is 12. My husband has been talking about planning
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  • a "guys trip" this summer with him, John, and Michael. While my husband was discussing with John, I could see Kelsey looking visibly sad because she wasn't included.
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  • Later, I told my husband that Kelsey should go too and that there's no reason to exclude her. He said he just wants some guy time with his son and nephew, and that men need to have "their time away from women." I took
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  • offense to that comment, which led to an argument between us. I told him that Kelsey needs to go, otherwise I won't approve of money being taken out of our family vacation budget to exclude some of our family.
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  • My sister-in-law texted me saying I'm being controlling and ruining a good experience for the boys by being petty. I told her I'm not being petty, I just don't want my kid feeling left out. AITA?
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  • challahbee Actually going to go with NTA. You said yourself that your daughter favors the exact kind of stuff your husband and sons and cousin like to do and will be doing on this "boys only" trip. Of course she feels
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  • left out: she's being excluded from something she normally wouldn't be excluded from based on something she has no control over, and your husband and SIL are the ones making this weirder than it needs to be.
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  • I do think that, if your husband and his sister get their way here, that you need to come up with something equivalent you can do with your daughter that can be a you-two-only thing. I know you're
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  • not a tomboy, but maybe you can do something your daughter likes to do and have her help you learn how to do it, or something. Or find something completely different
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  • that's just a you two thing, make up a new tradition. That, or your husband needs to go out of his way to take her on a similar trip without her brother and cousin.
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  • Cross_examination He can organise a father-daughter trip then as well. Even better, you send your daughter to his sister, for some "girl time". Nothing will her off more than having to sacrifice her holiday to babysit. NTA
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  • Careless_Kale3072 I can definitely see your concern. And understand the desire to desegregate a boys trip. I personally think gender segregation is frustrating in most applicable cases. But there definitely times when people are aware of theirs differences, and maybe have a desire to have moments away from differing genders.
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  • But how I see this particular case is not so much an issue of gender but rather respecting desires. yes your daughter wants to go on the boys trip, but your husband wanted to go with his son, and his nephew who are both older than your daughter.
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  • The conversation you have with a 12-13 year old boys is slightly different than with an 11 year old girl. From my experience-As a grown eldest child myself, it can a bit difficult to have to humour your younger siblings all the time. Often indulging our younger siblings because that's kind of expected, and that expectation remains even in the most loving siblings that have always gotten along.
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  • I would have appreciated some more experiences 1on1 with both of my parents. Just remember there is an emotional difference between 13 and 11. And all kids have the right to privacy. It sounds like your daughter does get to regularly hang out with her brother and father, so I really feel that it's okay to say << no >> to her on this occasion.
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  • So I wouldn't say you are the ahole, you've noticed your daughter's desire to go with them, and you wanted to advocate for that. Which is admirable! not every wife advocates for their daughters this fiercely!!! But I do think you should let them go on their boys trip, if you can do something fun with your daughter, maybe something extra boyish, that would be the best resolution to this event.
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  • Historical Driver9761 NTA I was also a tomboy and my family would do this all the time growing up. Boys trips fishing, skiing, camping, hiking etc and girls trips with crafts, tea, dinner, manicures, shopping etc. They would do this every year and it was always frustrating watching
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  • the boys go do activities I enjoyed while being left out and being stuck indoors doing activities I did not enjoy at all. If your husband goes on this boys trip, he should also go on a trip with just your daughter so she can have the same experiences as your son!
    via HistoricalDriver9761

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