‘Guests paying for their own food? Absolutely not’: Mother withholds wedding funds after daughter plans to make guests pay for their own rehearsal dinner

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 16, 2025 9:00 PM EST

There's something about weddings that turns even the best of us into slightly unhinged versions of ourselves. Planning a wedding is like inviting chaos, stress, and tradition to crash the party before it even begins. Budgets balloon, expectations clash, and everyone suddenly has very strong opinions about things that never mattered before, from who sits where to whether the shade of lavender is "too purpley." 

If no one steps in and stops things from escalating, This spiral will just keep spiraling until we reach social disaster territory. You know, basic physics. 

Which leads me to the mom at the center of today's story, or at the outskirts of this story because the center of the story, and the whole universe is obviously her daughter.

The mom's been watching her daughter's wedding plans with a mix of awe, pride, and mounting panic. Mom and Dad are generously paying for most of the celebration, but one decision has her ready to step in: asking the bridal party to pay for their own rehearsal dinner.

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  • "I'm about to become "that mom". Talk me down or tell me I'm right - I need outside opinions here."

    "They are just going to have everyone pay for their own meals"
    via Vika Glitter

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My daughter is.... strong willed. She is bright, funny, and usually a pleasure to be around, but she can be incredibly stubborn once she has her mind set.
    via scrapqueen
  • She is getting married in June and my husband and I gave told her how much we would contribute, which is a substantial amount and pays about 70% of
    via scrapqueen
  • Cheezburger Image 10467303680
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  • her budget, plus I paid for part of her dress (my mother paid the rest) and then her and her fiance talked about how much additional they would contribute
    via scrapqueen
  • to get the wedding they wanted. I have no idea if they have spoken to his family at all about the "traditional" contributions of a groom's family, specifically the rehearsal dinner and alcol.
    via scrapqueen
  • However, my husband just told me that they are planning for the rehearsal to be informal (which is fine) and that they are just going to have everyone pay for their own meals - which in my opinion,
    via scrapqueen
  • is NOT fine. I don't care where else they have to cut, but I cannot abide the thought of making the wedding party pay for their own rehearsal dinner - they are already paying for the other stuff, dress, suits, parties, etc.
    via scrapqueen

  • For Mom, that’s a line she won’t let them cross. She’s tried reasoning with her ‘strong-willed’ daughter, but with resistance expected, she’s quietly considering her next moves as to how she can ensure the rehearsal dinner is handled “properly.”  

  • I'm going to have this talk with her, but knowing her stubborn side, she is likely to just tell me she has made up her mind and that is that. So, here is the thing, I've been making the payments
    via scrapqueen
  • on the wedding venue and in April, the balance is due - and they are paying the difference between what we agreed to pay. I'm considering holding back $1000 to pay for the rehearsal dinner if she doesn't come to her senses.
    via scrapqueen
  • Breezy_2223 I agree asking guests to pay for their own meals would be extremely tacky.
    via Breezy_2223

  • It’s a tale as old as weddings themselves: family, finances, and tradition battling it out while everyone’s just trying to have a good time. At the end of the day, Mom isn’t trying to steal the spotlight—she just wants her daughter’s big day to be amazing, without leaving any guests quietly cringing along the way. Because if weddings are anything, they’re high-stakes chaos in fancy clothing.

  • Cheezburger Image 10467303168
    via Twilight Show

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • MirandaR524 You're right and she's wrong. It's extremely tacky to not cover the rehearsal dinner. It's a thank you to the wedding party (and sometimes out of town guests). You're not thanking them if they're paying.
    via MirandaR524
  • No-Part-6248 At my Daughters wedding which in laws supposed to pay and they had 50 people fly to ny from Calif , when I went to rehearsal dinner the bartender said 10.50,, what? It's was cash bar,, these people spent hundred coming to the wedding to pay their own drinks? Hard nope gave the bar my credit card cost me 1900 more but don't regret it at all
    via No-Part-6248
  • scarferforlife That is appallingly inconsiderate of the wedding party that puts so much time, money, and effort into celebrating them. I'd be so pred if I was one of their friends in the wedding party and maybe wouldn't even go to the rehearsal.
    via scarferforlife
  • Alert-Box8183 I live in Ireland where we don't do a rehearsal dinner and even I know that you can't ask the guests to pay for their own meal. That is definitely the wrong place to save money.
    via Alert-Box8183
  • No-Shock-2055 Guests paying for their own food? Absolutely not. That is next level tacky and low class. Tell your daughter that unless she wants to be mocked for the rest of her life for being the trashy cheap bride (and trust me, she will be), she needs to pay for food. Even if dinner consists of burgers, chips, and soda.
    via No-Shock-2055
  • WillDupage The rehearsal dinner is a thank you for the participants. If they (the couple or the groom's parents) don't have the money for a restaurant, how about pizza in the church hall after the
    via WillDupage
  • rehearsal? Or a barbecue at the groom's place? Sloppy Joes & beer at the groom's parents' house? (I've been in a lot of weddings, and as a groomsman/best man have attended all of the above.)
    via WillDupage
  • It's better not to have the rehearsal dinner at all than to make the bridal parties pay for a restaurant dinner. That's like making someone pay for their own gift.
    via WillDupage
  • cc232012 I'm usually anti parents getting involved in wedding planning BUT I think you are right. The bride and groom are responsible to pay for events that they are hosting, which includes the rehearsal dinner. I think you are in the right to hold back some funds and pay for the dinner. The wedding party will for sure appreciate it lol.
    via cc232012
  • JeanCerise WHAT?! "they are just going to have everyone pay for their own meals" Oh no, no, no. You are 100% correct here, MoB.
    via JeanCerise
  • bobbytoni Show her this post and explain that total strangers are embarrassed for her. Ask if it is abudget issue and offer to cover.
    via bobbytoni
  • Aggravating Scene379 Even adults need their Mom to talk some sense into them
    via Aggravating_Scene379
  • canofbeans06 I've never heard of a bridal party paying for their own food for a rehearsal dinner...usually that's crunch time when the bride/groom should be expressing gratitude to their
    via canofbeans06
  • bridal party for everything they've done to help get the couple to that point. They should be getting their bridesmaid/groomsmen gifts that night and should just overall be a chill evening for everyone.
    via canofbeans06
  • Your daughter is brave for wanting to be that stubborn with their closest friends and couple days before the wedding. She's really going to say that between now and June, she can't save up the necessary money to provide a nice meal for her friends?????
    via canofbeans06
  • Daddy_urp Yeah, I was ready to be upset at your "demands" when I read the title but you're being entirely reasonable. You don't ask guests to pay for their food at a rehearsal. It's tacky.
    via Daddy_urp
  • ItWasTheChuauaha Yeah, I think you're right. Besides, they have had SO much help from you. ?! Show her this thread and tell her not to be cheap.
    via ItWasTheChuauaha
  • merishore25 This is a very ride thing to do. If they can't afford a rehearsal dinner it's better not to have one.
    via merishore25

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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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