Newly single ex-wife demands $150 per week to keep up with expenses, ex-wife with 3 jobs refuses to pay: 'Stop communicating with her effectively now'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 14, 2025 3:00 PM EST

One of the reasons to get married is to combine finances. Odds are you're excited at the prospect of doing that, or else you would just live together and forget about the legal stuff. There can be huge advantages to combining finances. Maybe both of you work high-powered jobs, and now you get to double the kind of fun you're having. Maybe one of you earns more money than the other, so you can support them to do other things (pursue art, raise children, etc.) Maybe you're both struggling to get by on your own, but splitting a one-bedroom is a lot more affordable than trying to do it yourself. As many advantages as there are, though, it also makes life more complicated. 

Maybe one of you will start to resent the other for depending on them. Maybe one of you becomes afraid to leave the other if they feel like their future won't be secure. And worst of all, when you split up, things get even more complicated.

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    Cheezburger Image 10467384576
    via Ben White

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The movie Marriage Story is about this exact thing. Divorces are messy, expensive, and emotionally draining. But the time between splitting up and actual divorce is also tenuous. That's where this couple found themselves when the question of money came up. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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    AITAH for refusing to pay my wife while we are separated?

    For context, my wife went through some trauma and has not been using appropriate coping skills or seeking help. Instead, she is going through a complete midlife crisis of sorts, including leaving me rather unexpectedly. We are in counseling, but as of now she cannot commit to anything other than a walk once a week. We barely speak.
    via u/SSDGREDRUMED
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    More context: I work THREE JOBS. The original plan was to stack and stack to go travel and possibly foster children eventually. She works one job. I pay all of her and my bills with the exception of her cell phone bill and 1/4 of the car payment.
    via u/SSDGREDRUMED
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    I was feeling quite resentful, because she had been ignoring all of my messages for about a week. I saw that she was ordering food through a delivery service, so I changed my password. I saw she was also attempting to buy groceries on a similar app, so I took her off all of them. She then asked me for $150 a week for expenses. I've paid it for about a month, and I'm sick of it.
    via u/SSDGREDRUMED
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    We had talked about going to Greece as a couple. Now, she can't even commit to more than one walk a week with me and maybe three messages a day. No plan to get back together any time soon. She says she's enjoying aspects of being single.
    via u/SSDGREDRUMED
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    So I'm P ED. I want to go to Greece by myself to reap the benefits of my hard labor. I stopped paying her. My counselor told me that stopping payment is akin to ab e. But I think that working 3 jobs and sacrificing my mental and physical health so my estranged wife can do god knows what on my dime is also ab e. I'm
    via u/SSDGREDRUMED
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    standing my ground and not paying her weekly. AITAH? Since I pay all of her other bills this seems quite reasonable. I'm not going to stop paying her bills (except maybe her gym membership.. that's not essential). AITAH??
    via u/SSDGREDRUMED
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    via Ben White

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters weighed in on what they thought she should do.

    Duchess_Witch · 19h ago I would call a lawyer, hire said lawyer, and file for divorce. Your lawyer will handle everything including any obligated payments- if any. Stop communicating with her effectively now.
    via u/Duchess_Witch
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    Southern_Dig_9460 17h ago • He needs to quit at least one of those jobs. The higher income would make his alimony payments higher forever. So he'll have to keep working three jobs to pay for it
    via u/Southern_Dig_9460
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    NobodybutmyshadowRed 13h ago . Do I understand this correctly? OP is paying almost all her bills, AND she wants $150/week for expenses? Th therapist thinks that no longer giving her $150/week while paying almost all her other expenses is ab e? Speaking as a single woman, I think it's time that she found out what earning your own living is like. OP should easily be able to drop one job if he gets a divorce.
    via u/NobodybutmyshadowRed
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    Relevant_Demand... 19h ago NTA, you are separated and do not have children. She's not your responsibility anymore. If she is enjoying being single then she should get the full experience. Bills and all. I feel like she's stringing you along so she can be single and have her bills paid.
    via u/Relevant_Demand7593
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    ExtraLengthiness... . 19h ago Dump your therapist. Dump the wife, I'm sorry that sounds harsh..but if your post is true those should be your next steps. She has a job and if she wants to play single lady, single ladies pay their own way. Enjoy Greece it's beautiful. NTA
    via u/ExtraLengthiness5551
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    DownShatCreek 19h ago • NTA. Drop your counselor immediately and report them to their regulatory body. Unless they're unregulated where you are, which would explain a lot.
    via u/DownShatCreek
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    Zealousideal_Moo... . 18h ago As a therapist, that is BS. She left you and is living single, stop funding it. Find a new therapist, go on a trip, and probably file for divorce. She says she's single, make her single. You don't have kids, so why are you paying for her to enjoy being single?
    via u/Zealousideal_Mood118
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    • CapraCat 19h ago What is the end goal here? Pay for an estranged wifes bills forever? If the relationship can't be repaired why stay together on paper? If there's a prenup I would cut your losses and move on. They are taking advantage of you and your therapist is giving stupid advice. Taking care of yourself is not abusing your estranged spouse. She's more than capable of taking care of herself.
    via u/CapraCat
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    ElvieeEcho • 19h ago NTA. You're already covering almost all her expenses while she's choosing to live separately and barely engaging with you. You're not responsible for funding her single life while working three jobs. If she wants financial support, she should have a conversation about it instead of just expecting it. Going to Greece alone sounds like a well-earned break.
    via u/ElvieeEcho
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    cthulularoo 19h ago She wants all the perks of being single without any of the responsibilities. Which means you get lumped with all the disadvantages of being married without the perks.
    via u/cthulularoo
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    Yeah no, she can totally enjoy single life. But that means not having a husband pay for everything. If she complains just tell her you're supporting her journey into single life. You're not being ab ive, you're just supportive.
    via u/cthulularoo
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    Dragon_Bidness 19h ago NTA I say this as a lesbian housewife, she ain't entitled to sh. Get the divorce and move on. There's plenty of people out there who will want you and will spend time, money and effort on you. Your mistake is staying with someone who is with you to get her bills paid.
    via u/Dragon_Bidness
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    SDBlue68 19h ago NTA, this sounds familiar to me. My ex would do this. After we divorced, I found out she was cheating during the separation. In her mind it was ok because we're separated.
    via u/SDBlue68
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    RKEPhoto 18h ago She says she's enjoying aspects of being single. Tell her she is about to experience the "aspects" of paying her own bills! haha.
    via u/RKEPhoto
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    These_Hair_193 • 19h ago . Cut her off. She's not entitled to anything. Once she leaves, the money dries up. She knows that.
    via u/These_Hair_193
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    mama9873 18h ago • She works. Where is her money going? She can be responsible for her. You should start taking care of you- and start with a trip to Greece that you can come home and tell your new therapist all about. Bc your current therapist is an a NTA.
    via u/mama9873
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    • Mysterious_Spark 19h ago You are NTA. She should have a reasonable time to transition to living independently but you need to start working out the financial details of your separation now, including her gradual transition off of your financial support. You will feel less stressed about this when you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
    via u/Mysterious_Spark
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    In the process, I hope you can envision a future for yourself that has fewer jobs. This might be a happier path for both of you, in the long run. It seems that you have been piling too much on yourselves, and maybe did not have a sustainable situation.
    via u/Mysterious_Spark

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships story reddit thread Reddit money healthy relationship
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