Boyfriend allows his 32-year-old brother who has lived rent free for 5 years with no savings live with him and his girlfriend against her wishes: 'He says that he will not let his brother be homeless'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 17, 2025 8:00 PM EST

It's a sad reality that some people never get their lives together. It's easy to see someone in their early 20s who lives with their parents and doesn't have steady employment and assume that they will become fully independent at some point in the next couple of years. However, if that same person is in the exact same place at 35, it's not a huge leap of logic to assume that they'll be in the same situation at 45. 

These hopeless cases are a real stressor for their families. Nobody wants to support a full-grown adult who very well could take care of themselves and be independent but has decided that they'd rather be a burden on those around them. The way I see it, you cannot enable people like this because there's a 100% chance they will take advantage of your kindness and make your life as much of a mess as theirs is. 

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  • The boyfriend/brother in this story is on his way to becoming a massive enabler. He told his brother, who has lived rent-free at someone else's house for 5 years, that he could live with him and his girlfriend despite her telling him she doesn't want him to live there. 

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    via Toa Heftiba (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for telling my boyfriend I don’t want his brother living with us

    Me (29) and my bf (30) have been dating for 3 years and living together for two. He has an older brother (32) who lives with their friend. He has been living with his friend rent free for about 5 years now. His friend is getting more serious in a relationship and gave my bf's brother a year to find a new place to stay. His brother is
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    kind of a j‚ and him and I don't get along too well but I tolerate him because he is my boyfriend's brother. He does not have a lot of motivation and currently does not make enough money to live on his own and says he has no savings. His girlfriend also lives with him and she does not work- so they are currently sort of a package deal. I mentioned to my
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    boyfriend before that I really don't want his brother to move in with us if he does not find a place by December. We do not have the room, our guest room is directly off of the main living space and we only have one bathroom. (they also have no parents, so parents are not an option) He says that he will not
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    Cheezburger Image 10469364224
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    let his brother be homeless and if he stays with us he would only let him stay for 3 months, but I know it would be longer. If he can't find a place in a year what will an additional 3 months do. It would be one thing if i got along well with his brother, but his brother constantly makes ride comments and relies on everyone else to help him. Just this year my
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    boyfriend has given him his old car for free, pays for his car insurance and paid to fix his gaming computer. My boyfriend and I just got into an explosive fight over this and it ended with him basically saying I have no say in this decision and if it comes down to it his brother will live with us. I have approached this
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    Cheezburger Image 10469365760
    via Jonas Kakaroto

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    nicely but tried to explain how uncomfortable I would feel. Not to mention his brother works night shifts and sleeps all day, so I will feel like I have to be quiet all day in my house. I don't think I am being unreasonable expressing my stance on it. I don't want his brother to be homeless either but I don't want him to come here. AITA?
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    EDIT: we rent a house, not an apartment. the landlord is a family friend so he will not care about the extra tenants. my name is not on the lease, we just never felt the need to update it. we split bills pretty equally, although he pays a little more because he makes more and i still have student loans to pay. we both work full time and make decent money.
    via u/grassstastesbadd
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    Individual-Bad-4364 • 16h ago Well look at it this way you have a few months to find your own living situation away from that dumpster fire. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Individual-Bad-4364
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    BurritoBowlw_guac Sadly, yes. Her SO will prioritize his brother over OP so the choice has been made.
    via u/BurritoBowlw_guac
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    AdUsed 151 Pretty much. Looks like the decision's already been made without her.
    via u/AdUsed151
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    JYQE This happens a lot in South Asian marriages: women forced to live with brothers in law and so they can't relax in their own homes. Plus, the brothers in law will start crushing on them because proximity.
    via u/JYQE
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    De-railled well, hopefully not. Bf comes with a leech gf attached...so that would cause all sorts of dramas
    via u/De-railled
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    Shadow4summer And it sounds like he expects her to pay for his bother and his girlfriend's share. Nope out of this mess. NTA.
    via u/Shadow4summer
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    smilineyz Time to add EX to the BF
    via u/smilineyz
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    tinamadinspired If she starts looking now she might not need months, if her financial sitch is good. Speaking of, might as well slowly untangle any financial web she weaved with her BF right now.
    via u/tinamadinspired
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    baffled67 Before OP is supporting the brother and his gf. You do know that the jobless gf won't lift a finger to help around the house.
    via u/baffled67
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    WifeofWizard If your bf isn't willing to see this is a decision y'all make together, then he isn't the one.
    via u/WifeofWizard
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    Acxis I think she will have to move out because it sounds like her vote doesn't count and brother with gf attached is moving in. She will end up as house mother to the lot.
    via u/Acxis
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    Salty_Interview_5311 One possible compromise is that OPs boyfriend pay their deposit and rent for the first three months at another apartment. That way they are set up on their own and everyone can breath easier.
    via u/Salty_Interview_5311
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    Then, if they cannot handle rent payments on their own, they are the ones getting evicted. That gives his brother some real incentive to solve the problem with enough time to figure out how.
    via u/Salty_Interview_5311
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    Zestyclose_Till777 NTA. You need to get your ducks in a row. He basically said you have no choice
    via u/Zestyclose_Till777
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    whiteprisonbitch This. She will be the live in maid, cook, cleaner and tip toe around her house, because she has no say in her relationship, house and life. Brother will come first no matter what, so make your own plans for your life, as you HAVE a say in it. If not, you make your bed and sleep in it, your choice.
    via u/whiteprisonbitch
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    Educational-Bid-8421 ' NTA. This should be your hill to di on. You will never get rid of them. What a joke. Hun, id be gone. If u can, RUN. 5 years free rent and has no savings! Think of rent lowball it at one thousand dollars a month. 60 months. Jesus Christmas!
    via u/Educational-Bid-8421
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    Academic-Bathroom770 This is such a good comment and absolutely how to look at is. As someone at a similar age who wasted a lot of time not saving in my parents house like I should have this really puts things into perspective. He works but hasn't saved a dime in five years of free living? That's insane. What has he been doing? If it's problematic behavior she also inherents these things at a minimum.
    via u/Academic-Bathroom770
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    Perimentalpause NTA. "Here's the situation. I dislike ultimatums, but in this case, I think I have to lay down a very clear option for you. If your brother moves in here, I am moving out. I am not paying for him to be a 1. I am not living with someone that disrespects me. I am supposed to be safe and comfortable in my home, and that won't be the case if he's here. Not to mention his gf. And I don't know what delulu potion you've sucked down, but it won't be for 'just' three months. We all know t
    via u/Perimentalpause
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    You really need to be clear about that with him, and you SHOULD want to follow through on it. Home is supposed to be your safe space. It will just become stressful and you guys will break up over him not doing what you need him to do and his brother will always come first. So, think hard about that.
    via u/Perimentalpause

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boyfriend family drama housing brother house siblings household partners girlfriend finances family renting Reddit roommates savings money brothers
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