Friend backs out of an annual girls’ trip the day before, refuses to pay her share, leaving her friends to cover the costs: ‘We have done this for the past 10 or so years, she should have offered to pay’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 25, 2025 2:00 PM EST

Every friend group has its own traditions, those cherished rituals that are supposed to be all about fun and bonding but inevitably descend into mild chaos. Whether it's an annual girls' trip, a holiday gift exchange, or something as simple as planning a dinner, the dynamics of the group always find a way to take center stage. Because, for some reason, every friend group has its predictable cast of characters.  

There's the Planner, clipboard in hand, figuratively, but only sometimes, who drafts itineraries, tracks payments, and sends polite but firm reminders in the group chat. There's The Chill One, who just shrugs and says "Whatever works for everyone," but we all know hasn't read a single message. There's The Diva, who insists on debating every detail but also demands the best bed, the closest bathroom, and a room temperature of exactly the right degrees. 

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  • "Friend cancelled day before annual girls’ trip and doesn’t pay back her portion of the accommodations"

    "Everyone else paid her back before the trip except for one girl"
    via Jacob Lund

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • And finally, there’s The Wildcard, the one who always keeps things interesting. The Wildcard RSVPs with unmatched enthusiasm, agrees to every plan, and then, like clockwork, cancels at the worst possible moment, leaving the group scrambling to adjust while they casually ghost the Venmo request. Some might call it unbearably; The Wildcard calls it a quirky trait.  

  • I'm part of a group of girls who do a girls' trip every year. We have done this for the past 10 or so years. We usually pick a weekend and go on a 2 day trip somewhere. This year we chose to meet up in Denver and agreed on booking an AirBnB months in advance. One of us paid for the
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  • reservation up front after confirming with everyone that they were okay with the cost ($300 each). Everyone else paid her back before the trip except for one girl. Then the day before
    via BluebirdOriginal864

  • This is why even the best-planned traditions turn into mini soap operas. A weekend getaway meant for laughter and cocktails quickly transforms into frustrated texts about splitting costs and whispered side conversations over whether Wildcard should even be invited next year. 

    Some traditions bond a friend group for life. Others remind you why spreadsheets and upfront payments were invented.

  • the trip the girl who hasn't paid yet says she isn't feeling well and isn't coming, and doesn't offer to pay back her portion. We didn't say anything to her because it is
    via BluebirdOriginal864
  • awkward, and ended up just splitting her cost between the rest of us, but it was last minute and if we had known she wasn't coming we could have gotten
    via BluebirdOriginal864
  • cheaper smaller accommodations. AITAH for thinking that she should have offered to pay her share because she cancelled last minute even though she couldn't end up coming?
    via BluebirdOriginal864
  • throwitaway3857 She should've offered to pay. Also, don't invite her anymore. She screwed everyone and it's apparent bc she didn't pay up front. I highly doubt she was sick. NTA.
    via throwitaway3857
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Sparklingwine23 NTA, yes, she agreed to the cost and bailed at the last minute where you can't find a replacement so yeah, she should have paid, no question.
    via Sparklingwine23
  • messageinthebox NTA. This is the last time you should invite her on one of these trips. This was intentional on her part. It doesn't matter if she eventually pays back her cut. She wore out her welcome and is likely to do this again.
    via messageinthebox
  • Ok_Homework_7621 Don't include her anymore either way. But change the planning - book only for those who pay up front. No money, no booking. With the understanding that the group doesn't refund anybody if Airbnb doesn't refund whoever booked.
    via Ok_Homework_7621
  • RadicalEmpathy03 NTA but if this is uncharacteristic behavior for your friend, I would reach out to check in on her (especially her mental health). While it's not okay, her behavior sounds like it may be influenced by depre s on.
    via RadicalEmpathy03
  • Famous Philosophy930 Ofcourse she should offer to pay. But something has clearly happened which made her not to come, she doesnt have any money, period. I she is embarassed and afraid to tell you the real reason why. Talk to her.
    via Famous_Philosophy930
  • cheybabe1206 NTA she could have at least offered but could something else possibly be going on? If this is an annual thing you guys do it sounds like this would be out of the norm. Maybe try to talk to her and make sure everything's okay
    via cheybabe1206
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Winternin NTA. But frankly, if you can't even speak up in situations like this, not sure why you are even friends with her.
    via Winternin
  • StudioGhibliGlow NTA. She bailed, y'all paid. Sick or not, she knew the deal. Should've cashed up, then ghosted
    via StudioGhibliGlow
  • Chance_Loss_1424 Next time y'all do something if she expresses interest tell her cool but it costs X up front as a non refundable deposit. If she balks tell her that's cool you understand and go on without her. NTA.
    via Chance_Loss_1424
  • Acceptable-Bee-8952 Agree with everyone here but honestly I never get this part of this type of story
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  • "We didn't say anything to her because it was awkward"... a friend that you do yearly trips with that you can't ask in a nice way to pay her share of the accommodation because it'd be
    via Acceptable-Bee-8952
  • awkward? A simple "So sorry!! We're gonna miss you. Think you just owe $300 for the accommodation so would you mind transferring it?"
    via Acceptable-Bee-8952
  • Yeah she should offer to pay but also you guys could have just asked her instead of splitting it yourselves.
    via Acceptable-Bee-8952
  • No-Snow5095 So she didn't pay anything and you all didn't think to go to plan b beforehand... did anyone send her a reminder? She's definitely in the wrong!
    via No-Snow5095
  • Dave 1957a NTA, she didn't pay up front like everyone else because she never intended to go, she should pay or never be invited again
    via Dave1957a

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