10-year-old son overhears his parents talking about how they love each other more than they love him, 8 years later he decides to cut contact: 'Leave me alone'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 2, 2025 10:00 AM EST

We often dismiss what kids hear and comprehend when they are extremely young. We think don't understand what is being told around them, that they don't even listen, or that they won't even remember anything by the end of the day. But sooner or later we all come to learn just how much children actually intercept and just how everything they hear from a young age has an effect on their adult life.

Think back at your memories from elementary school, for example. We all have some really good memories from that age, but also some memories we wish we'd forget. Whether we want them or not, those memories shape us. So as adults, we have to be mindful of that whenever there are kids nearby. Otherwise, you should be prepared for the impact your words may have on them for the rest of their lives.

When the son in the story below was 10 years old, he overheard a conversation between his parent that he was never meant to hear.

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  • What he heard later shaped his entire relationship with his parents, but not in a good way. Now, 8 years later, the son reveals the truth to his father, who refuses to apologize and claims his son is simply overreacting.

    Safe to say, it doesn't seem like their relationship is ever going to recover from that…

  • Cheezburger Image 10473888256
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for admitting to my son that I love his mother more than him and telling him he's acting self centered?"

    My son moved out right after graduating college last year. Since then, he's been very preoccupied with his own life. My wife and I couldn't be prouder of him, but we do
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  • wish he made a little more effort to keep in touch- especially since he only lives. 30 minutes away. Months would go by without hearing from him, and we were always
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  • the ones to reach out first. We never complained about it to him—until my wife's birthday. Her birthday was two days ago, and we didn't get a call or a surprise visit. She was a
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  • little upset but chose not to confront him. I decided to call him about it--not out of anger, just as a reminder. I said, "Hey buddy, you missed your mom's birthday." He
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  • immediately apologized and asked me to wish her a happy birthday on his behalf. I told him it would be nice if he could visit us soon because we miss him.
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  • Apparently, that set him off. He told me that he has his own life to live and that we have ours. I told him I understood, but we're still his parents and want to stay.
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  • close. That's when he bluntly said he doesn't want a close relationship with us and that he's frustrated we won't leave him alone.
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  • I asked him why, and out of nowhere, he brought up something from when he was ten years old. He said he overheard my wife and me saying that we love each other more than we love him.
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  • I was completely confused because I don't recall ever saying anything like that. When I asked for more context, he said we had been talking about our own
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  • parents' marriages, and at some point, I said something along the lines of, Even though I love him a lot, I love his mother the most. My wife apparently agreed with me,
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  • and that conversation has tainted his view of our relationship ever since. I told him there was nothing wrong with what I said and that he was acting like a self-
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  • centered brat who thinks the world revolves around him. He told me to go to h I. When I told my wife about what happened, she said I was wrong for calling him that— even though I believe it was true.
    via throwRafathersoncon
  • Cheezburger Image 10473887744
    via cottonbro studio

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Violetmints YTA. First of all, he is as you raised him. Secondly, kids don't just suddenly decide to let go of relationships with their parents because they heard
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  • something like that. In a home with engaged, available parents, kids flip out and tell their parents they overheard something upsetting or they demand to know why they would say such a thing. They
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  • don't just keep it a secret for 20 years. Something else was going on. It may be that you meant that you love your wife and understood that she would be your partner even when
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  • your kids grew up and moved on, but clearly you did make your child feel neglected. If you want a relationship, calling your son a self- centered a h le isn't a great way to begin. Did it even
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  • occur to you to ask how he felt or try to clarify what you meant or express any sadness about the fact that he did not in fact feel loved? Did you think to tell him you would like to have a better relationship? Do you even want that?
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  • It wasn't just the one thing. Other stuff happened that you're not aware of or are actively ignoring.
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  • KBD_in_PDX YTA for how you handled that phone call, and for calling your son self-centered. You say you want a close relationship with your son. You say you wish he would
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  • You say you wish he would visit, that you'd talk to him more... but your actions demonstrate that you only want to hear from him if it's convenient for you. He is angry at you. Maybe it's unfair, but it's his anger and it's what he's feeling. He
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  • explained the why behind it, and immediately you got defensive. You admit you said those words, and he's telling you that he heard them and they impacted him. Can't you put yourself in his shoes? In the shoes of a 10-
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  • year-old boy listening to a conversation between his parents about how they don't love him as much as they love each other, or potentially that they don't love him as much as THEY were loved as children (I assume that was
    via KBD_in_PDX
  • the difference you were calling out between your own marriage and your parents'). Can't you imagine how hearing those words would sit in your heart, and how every time your parents said, "love you buddy," you might think they were lying or... whatever.
    via KBD_in_PDX
  • Instead of hearing him say, "dad hearing you say that to mom really affected how I feel about our relationship" and coming to him with love and understanding, to SHOW HIM that you DO love him....
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  • you made it about how you were right to say that, and he should shut down his emotions because he's being a spoiled brat.
    via KBD_in_PDX
  • Embarrassed_Advice59 ...I mean can we blame him? He's probably internalized that for years and then you call him spoiled because he thinks you don't love him as much when really you should've said those are two different forms of love. YTA
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  • Successful_Bath 1200 ΥΤΑ That conversation he overheard made him feel less than and loved less than he should have been You reap what you sow.
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  • You should love your kids unconditionally and completely, what you said has had a life long effect on your Son and now he is giving it back. The self centred brat comment probably just ended your relationship with him.
    via Successful_Bath1200

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