Father refuses to force his 5-year-old and 9-year-old kids to accept his mother's unpleasant, unreliable boyfriend: ‘That wasn't up for discussion’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Mar 9, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

Family can't be forced, that's a fact. Family isn't about DNA, nor is it about legal bounds. Family is about who makes you feel good, supports you when things get tough, and has your back through thick and thin. Our friends, pets, teachers, etc., are our family members if we want them to be. When you're raising children, the important rule of parenting is to ensure your children know that they don't need to like Grandma's boyfriend just because she said so. In this next story, the father does exactly that.

His 5 and 9-year-old children are expected by their grandmother to accept her problematic, unpleasant boyfriend. Both the father who posted the story and his wife agree that the boyfriend in question should not be around the kids, but they allow their children to make their own choices. The verdict? They don't even think about the boyfriend at all, let alone think of him as a grandpa. Grandma is not happy about that, but these parents are simply being good parents.

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  • The father explains that his mother's boyfriend, Jim, has a problem with sipping. Already, trusting someone who might be “drinkin' on the job” is pretty risky, but he also explains that Jim is an unpleasant, negative person. He doesn't seem to even want to be around the kids, but this narrative is being pushed by the kids' grandma. If Jim wanted to, he would. Just sayin'. Like I said: We decide who our family is and isn't. Children aren't exempt from making choices like these… they matter.

  • "I told her that we would never force our children to like him or spend time with him if they didn't want to...”
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend?"

    My (36M) father passed away when I was 20, and my mother didn't cope well. She got better with time, but she didn't attempt to pursue another relationship until 15 years later. She has been dating "Jim" for two years.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • I don't hate Jim, but I don't like him either. He drinks a lot (my mother has had to cancel on us several times because he was dr k), has made several offensive jokes to my brother
    via StepfatherThrow
  • (43M) that I didn't appreciate, and is overall a pretty unpleasant person to be around. Still, he seems to genuinely love my mother and makes her happy, so my brother and I don't interfere.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • One problem I do have with the relationship is that my mother has been trying to get my children (9M and 5F) to form a "grandparent bond" with Jim.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • He's also been trying to take on a grandfather role, which neither me nor my wife (34F) want for the kids. They don't try to push boundaries too much, but we've had some minor arguments in the past.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • Anyway, my daughter had her first ever dance recital last December. There was a limit of four guests per child. The kids usually ask us to invite one of their grandparents to events like
    via StepfatherThrow
  • this, but my mother was out of town (I didn't even ask her) and my in-laws were busy. Instead, my daughter invited my brother to join me, my wife and our son.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • Cheezburger Image 10476502272
    via Kazuo ota for Unsplash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My mother and Jim came to visit us during the weekend, and she saw pictures from the recital for the first time in a photo album.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • She asked why my brother was there and not her, and I reminded her she was traveling at the time. She said, "Well, Jim was in town."
    via StepfatherThrow
  • I'll be honest, we didn't even think of inviting Jim back in December, and neither did my kids. I told my mother that it was my daughter who chose to invite her uncle, and we respected that.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • Then Jim turned to my daughter and told her that she could invite him next time grandma wasn't around. My wife chimed in and said she could invite whoever she wanted.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • After they left, my mother called me. She said she was upset that we weren't making any efforts to welcome Jim into the family, and we were depriving our children of a wonderful grandfather. I told
    via StepfatherThrow
  • her that we would never force our children to like him or spend time with him if they didn't want to, and that wasn't up for discussion. We ended up having an argument over this before I hung up on her.
    via StepfatherThrow
  • I spoke with a few family members yesterday who think I'm being too harsh on Jim. So AITA?
    via StepfatherThrow
  • Imaginary-Colleg... NTA I hate hate HATE when adults try to force kids into having any sort of relationship with other adults. LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE. This is how you foster resentful feelings in children and teach them that their feelings and decisions don't matter.
    via Imaginary-College-38
  • LeaJadis NTAH, honestly I'd be more blunt with your mom and stop telling her it was your daughter's choice. Tell your mom that you can't trust an al olic and you only put up with him because of your mom. If she's not around to wrangle him then he's not invited. period. you don't trust him around the kids.
    via LeaJadis
  • AgonistPhD You don't seem to be harsh on Jim at all, though? You're just letting people pick who they're close to without trying to move them around like figurines. That's good parenting, imo. NTA.
    via AgonistPhD
  • lavenderqueen6 NTA at all. Your kids are allowed to have their own thoughts and feelings and can form bonds as they see fit!
    via lavenderqueen6*
  • SalisburyWitch NTA. So your mother is calling in the flying monkeys. already? Tell her that you'll invite who you want to things. You don't know when Jim is drinking.
    via SalisburyWitch

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family drama entitled parents kids mother reddit story family feud parenting Grandpa family grandparents reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Father
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