Mother requires in-laws to ‘book an appointment’ with their 4-month-old grandkid after they frequently show up during naps and meals unannounced: ‘I’m just asking for basic respect’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Mar 13, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

The thrill of having a new baby in the family is one that runs rampant like a five-alarm fire. Everyone wants to hold their cabbage patch-esque hands, cradle their soft little heads, and have a photo-op field day with the newest member of the clan. There's nothing wrong with feeling an intense need to be around a newborn if you're a baby enthusiast, but it's important to curb that intensity just a smidge so as to not crowd the new parents or newborn with unwanted attention. New parenthood is difficult to navigate, and helicopter in-laws with a craving for chaos make it all the more difficult to put a four-month-old newborn down for a nap.

In this next story, a new mother's in-laws consistently show up unannounced to her and her husband's home at all hours of the day, often during times when their baby is napping. Even after the mother asks her parents-in-law to give her a heads up when they're coming to visit their grandchild, they refuse to do so. Now, the mom is refusing them access to the grandbaby unless they have an appointment with them. Scroll to read.

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  • Now, the use of the word “appointment” is a bit of an overstatement on the poster's part because it's not like they have a concierge waiting to put them on hold for five minutes while they fiddle with a calendar. The parents of the baby simply want to know when and where the in-laws will be hanging out with their grandbaby so they can plan accordingly. This is completely normal, especially for the parents of a new born who need to set routines for their child who, at four months old, struggles to have any.

  • "They showed up at 7AM on a Saturday..."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITAH for making my in-laws book an appointment to see their grandkid?"

    so my in-laws (m60s, f60s) have never understood boundaries. when my husband (34m) and i (33f) were dating, they'd drop by unannounced all the time. when
    via SereneSparkss
  • we got married, same thing. now that we have our first baby (4 months old), they've cranked it up to a whole new level.
    via SereneSparkss
  • they show up randomly, let themselves in if the door is unlocked, and don't care if the baby is napping. they'll scoop her up, wake her up, overstimulate her, and then-when she
    via SereneSparkss
  • inevitably starts screaming-hand her back and say, "oh, she must be hungry" before peacing out. they've also made themselves at
    via SereneSparkss
  • home in ways that drive me insane. they help themselves to food, make coffee, and once my fil even fell asleep on our couch for two hours.
    via SereneSparkss
  • 12 11 10. 9 69 20. 3 4. 50° 5.
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • i tried being nice about it. i hinted. i joked. i even said, "hey, can you guys text first before coming over?" nothing changed. so after they showed up at 7am
    via SereneSparkss
  • on a saturday (because "we just couldn't wait to see our grandbaby!!"), i finally put my foot down. i told them from now on, they need to text and confirm a time before visiting.
    via SereneSparkss
  • cue the meltdown. my mil teared up, saying i was trying to "schedule away" their relationship with their granddaughter. my fil made
    via SereneSparkss
  • sarcastic comments like, "should we take a number next?" my husband is stuck in the middle, because while he agrees they're overstepping, he also doesn't want to hurt their feelings.
    via SereneSparkss
  • but i feel like i'm just asking for basic respect. my own parents follow the rule without any drama, so why can't his? we're exhausted, trying to adjust to life as new parents, and just want some peace. AITAH?
    via SereneSparkss
  • Turbulent_Ebb5669 nta. Fair call on making them text. Just dropping into someone's life whenever they feel like it comes across as a power play or control issue
    via Turbulent_Ebb5669
  • Becalmandkind NTA. Keep your door locked at all times and make sure they don't have a key. If they ever had a key, change your locks. If it's possible to see inside your house from outside, get better curtains or shades. Turn your phones to DND for nights and naps.
    via Becalmandkind
  • You need and deserve peace. You need and deserve to set the rules for your own home. Your PIL are hurting your rest and your peace, so don't fall for your husband's concern about hurting their feelings.
    via Becalmandkind
  • nina_loves setting boundaries,,, especially with a newborn, is crucial for your sanity and ur baby's well-being.... It's not about scheduling away a relationship;,, it's about respecting ur time and ur home....
    via nina_loves
  • CurrentBad8629 NTA. Family or not, you don't come to someone's home unannounced and let yourself in !
    via CurrentBad8629
  • mari_cutegirl NTA. You're not an unreasonable parent for wanting to protect your child's well-being and maintain some semblance of order in your household. Your in-laws need to respect your boundaries.
    via mari_cutegirl
  • One_Psychology_3431 NTA- Omg, my inlaws are the same. Even after so many years, they will still literally call from the driveway rather than before coming over like I've asked but they act like that's following the rules, lol. I've given up, I wish you luck! You seem to be off with a better start tbh. I saw a doormat the other day that said "Did you call first?".
    via One_Psychology_3431
  • maggietaz62 Why would anyone think it was okay to visit someone at 7am? So disrespectful.
    via maggietaz62
  • spacemouse21 NTA. They will get use to it. Your child, your boundaries. You got this!
    via spacemouse21

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