Freeloading mom takes out $25,000 Parent PLUS loan for son's college education, spends his repayments on herself and then protests when he doesn't want to continue paying her: 'She started to lash out at me'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 14, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Money and family are two topics that are often a disaster when mixed. Still, most people have no choice but to do this from time to time, especially when they are younger and need help gaining their independence. Many a parent and child relationship has been damaged by either side taking liberties, freeloading, and even just straight-up stealing from their close relatives.

When you are the person on the receiving end of this unsavory behavior, dealing with it without doing further damage to yourself can be a delicate process. Standing your ground is important, but it goes without saying that you can expect pushback. There are few things that get people riled up like the matter of personal finances, not least when they have been doing something with them that they shouldn't have been. Owing money is often awkward, and being in that situation under false pretenses is even worse.

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  • One man recently found himself dealing with this issue when it came to light that his mom had used the Parent PLUS loan she ostensibly took out for him to go to college on herself. Before finding this out, the man had been making repayments, but he didn't want to continue after this information was uncovered.

    His mom promised to pay some of the money back but didn't make good on this. She started to request her son make loan repayments again, but he refused. He wanted backup that he wasn't in the wrong.

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    WIBTA for not paying my mom for the parent plus loan she took out for me?

    While in college my mom took out a parent plus loan for me to go to college. Prior to the loans being put into 2020's loan forbearance I paid the loans directly. Once the loans were out of forbearance the loan company changed and I paid my mom via Venmo. I sent the money monthly and I kept asking for the login information so I could keep track of interest but she ignored me every time. In Sep 2024 my mom finally told me that she didn't put the funds towards the loan and put it towards her person
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    I was frustrated because that meant that the interest on these loans was just spiraling from unpaid payments. I told her that I didn't want to keep paying for the loan if she was gonna be financially irresponsible. She said that she would take care of the interest and put $6K into the loan and that she would give me a break from paying until further notice. I want to note that during this time my mom was going through a divorce with my father while her dad was in hospice (he passed in July 2024)
    via spilledshake
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    She is now talking through my older sibling to tell me the login info for the account (but still hasn't told me who the provider is) saying that she wants me to start paying the loan again. I'm conflicted because while I don't have the evidence I am certain she never paid the $6k+ interest. In addition, I can almost say for certain she still hasn't made any payments on the account since she said she would "fix it". I don't want to pay for this loan at all. She made a series of choices that led t
    via spilledshake
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    Last few notes: 1) My parents are no longer getting divorced and I don't want to saddle my dad with the debt by proxy. 2) I found out last week from my mom's sister that my mom has a long standing history of stealing money from her siblings and her parents. Before I was 18,she siphoned out $3k from my accounts and never paid me back for it. 3) The last known balance is $25k as of 2020 with 6.5% interest. If it was just a few grand left, I would just pay it and be done. So now it is a total of $9
    via spilledshake
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    Commenters condemned the mom's behavior and some offered advice in how to proceed.

    Labyris NTA. Parent plus loans aren't for the kids to pay, anyhow... it's a loan for the parents to take out, and interest is calculated based on the income of the parents. It's not your responsibility. It was never intended to be.
    via Labyris
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    Vegetable-Cod-2340 Op, the loan is your mom's responsibility and hers alone, it's in her name and based on her credit. Rest easy, there is no legal obligation for you to make payments for that loan, and every judge would laugh her out of court if she tried.
    via Vegetable-Cod-2340
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    LetsGetsThisPartyOn You could also take your Mum to small claims court to the get the money she illegally demanded from you AND didn't put towards the intended purpose. Take her to small claims court and get the money you gave her back
    via LetsGetsThisPartyOn
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    Taind19501a Absolutely NTA. She took your money, didn't pay the loan, and has a history of financial dishonesty. This is her loan, not yours. Don't let guilt manipulate you into covering for her mistakes. Stand your ground.
    via Taind19501a
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    Myshanter5525 NTA. I loathe people who steal but especially from their kids. She should never have asked you to pay the loan to start with.
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    b_wthhyb_l NTA she made the choices she made and here we are. Do not go down with this ship.
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    knight_shade_realms NTA you did make payments to your mom and she used the funds for "other things" regardless of what was going on during that time she chose to use the funds for something else. You are not responsible for that
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    StAlvis ΝΤΑ Eww. she didn't put the funds towards the loan and put it towards her personal life.
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    KaliTheBlaze NTA. If your mom wanted you to be responsible for the loan, it should have been taken out by you, in your own name. The whole point of Parent Plus loans is that they are a way for parents to help their children with academic expenses. My parents took out a Plus loan to help pay for my undergrad during the year my dad was in school himself transitioning careers, because they couldn't afford both sets of tuition payments at the same time. The only thing I ever heard about it was when
    via KaliTheBlaze
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    Sure, having your parents help with or pay for college entirely is a privilege. But when they use the type of loan that is designed to be repaid by the parents, they are signing themselves up for 100% of the responsibility to repay it. If they do not want that responsibility, then they should have their children get regular student loans, and at most co-sign for them (which raises the borrowing limits for the student, if the student can't qualify for enough loans on their own.)
    via KaliTheBlaze
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    Direct-Isopod 9312 NTA. My mom did the same to me but with a car loan. She financed a vehicle for me to use when I turned 18. I was still living at home. Our agreement was that I would pay the payment via paying her in addition to gas and maintenance and she would pay for insurance. The amount that I was supposed to pay was a set amount every month. However, she soon started asking me for 2 and 3 times of the original payment amount per month. I moved out and in with my boyfriend a few months la
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    PotentialDig7527 You need to get your credit report and validate that she hasn't taken out other loans in your name. Also freeze your credit at all three bureaus.
    via PotentialDig7527
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    nopeitynopenono ΝΤΑ But also because I haven't seen anyone else mention it - lock your sh down now! If your mom has a history of mismanaging and taking money from others, make sure that you lock your credit with all the bureaus so she can't open credit or loans in your name, ensure that she is not listed on any of your bank accounts (and if she is, don't simply remove her. Open new accounts and totally different banks), and run a credit report that shows all the current accounts that have you li
    via nopeitynopenono
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    sj4iy NTA. She took out the loan, not you. She was irresponsible with the money you gave her and you have no obligation to pay more.
    via sj4iy
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    Prestigious-Bluejay5 If the agreement was that your mom takes out the loan and you pay it back, I can see why she wants you to repay it. But, your mom reneged on that agreement. She should have given you the information to make direct payments and you should not have sent her the payments without the ability to access the payment portal. You live and you learn. I don't know if you can calculate what the loan would be now, if she hadn't used the money. If you can, I'd pay her that remaining amoun
    via Prestigious-Bluejay5

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