54-year-old woman gets made representative of ex-husband's estate, freeloading 32-year-old daughter tries to claim his motorcycle: 'She still owes me money'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 2, 2025 3:00 PM EST

We all know that few common topics have the power to bring about family disagreements like money. For this reason, any time a person passes and leaves an estate behind relationships between family members can become particularly intense. There is almost always somebody who thinks that they are entitled to something that somebody else doesn't want them to have, or who wants to exclude people from getting anything. It can be a whole mess.

It also gives whoever is organizing the division of the estate a heavy responsibility. It is the kind of thing that can easily make or break relationships and can also bring up past disagreements and resentments. No amount of money or item is too petty to become something that is disputed, not least when an individual believes they have a right to it. Every so often they will also just try their luck with whatever they can get.

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    Cheezburger Image 10462191360
    via Marlen Stahlhuth (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is an issue that one mom found herself struggling with after her 32-year-old daughter tried to get her to give her something from her late ex-husband's estate. She had been tasked with executing his will and her daughter hoped that she would gift her his motorcycle. The mom had put her foot down thanks to her child's history of financial irresponsibility, and the fact that she still owed her money. Her daughter strongly protested this, leading her to ask the internet to confirm her decision.

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    AITA for refusing to gift my daughter a motorcycle from an estate I inherited?

    I was appointed the personal representative of my friend/ex-spouse's estate, which includes a motorcycle. My 32-year-old daughter believes I should give it to her. I have two main reasons for hesitating. First, anything I sell from the estate must go toward settling debts and financing the remodeling of the property, which she is fully aware of. Second, she has a history of financial irresponsibility that I choose not to support. She hasn't adjusted her lifestyle despite past financial struggles
    via This-Positive6058
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    In the past, I made her an authorized user on my credit card to help her build credit, with strict instructions to use it only for emergencies and to be fully responsible for any charges. However, she once asked to charge a specific amount but exceeded it by $700. She made a few small payments, and I ended up covering the rest—so when she charged $2,500 in July 2023, I insisted she repay it in full. She has only paid off about 50%, and for several months, she didn't make payments, citing financi
    via This-Positive6058
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    Her car was repossessed in August 2024, but she currently uses her partner's vehicle to get around. Before that, she relied on LA's transit system. She recently told me she doesn't want her live-in partner to work, which I found frustrating—especially since she still owes me money. In my opinion, if you're struggling financially, both partners should be working. But ultimately, that's their choice. I told her that owing me money while simultaneously choosing to be in a one-income household felt
    via This-Positive6058
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    To top it off, she says she has surveyed her friends, and they all agree that I'm being mean, unfair, and uncaring. Would I be the a hle for refusing? Update: Thank you for your comments and insight. I got it INTA, but it's past time for me to set strict boundaries. Btw he isn't her dad and they had no relationship. She is no longer a user on any of my credit cards.
    via This-Positive6058
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    People were clear where their sympathies lay.

    seeemilyplay123 I hope you've removed her from your credit card. NTA.
    via seeemilyplay123
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    This-Positive6058 OP Yes i have.
    via This-Positive6058
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    Several Razzmatazz51 She surveyed her friends? I'm shocked (shocked!) they all agreed with her. She sounds very immature and entitled. Little children call someone "mean" when they aren't given everything they want. So she's 32 going on 5, it seems.
    via Several_Razzmatazz51
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    Joking917 They didn't she's probably lying to guilt OP
    via JoKing917
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    Environmental_Art591 Or she didn't tell them about all the money she has already "gifted herself" from OP because let's face it she has no intentions on paying anything back.
    via Environmental_Art591
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    chudan_dorik NTA Others have pointed it out but I will jump on same bandwagon, OP is a fiduciary now as the estate representative. OP literally has to make all decisions for the estate in the best interest of the estate. That means estate assets cannot be given away like OP's daughter wants. And when there is a final accounting of the estate, every asset has to be accounted for. I can also imagine that if there are other interested parties to the estate, they may come out of the woodwork if they
    via chudan_dorik
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    SavingsRhubarb8746 NTA. You, as executor, are obliged to pay your late friend's debts out of the estate, and you cannot morally (and maybe legally, but I am not a lawyer) take a valuable item from the estate that is needed to settle debts and just give it away! Surely you are not taking her polling of her friends as a serious argument in her favour? Moreover, she still owes you money. Why would you favour giving her (instead of those with a legal claim on the estate) something valuable while she
    via SavingsRhubarb8746
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    This-Positive6058 OP 100% agree but she doesn't get it.
    via This-Positive6058
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    Practical-Bird633 So she has no claim, owes you money already and is irresponsible with money? That's the last kind of person who should be gifted a motorcycle
    via Practical-Bird633
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    This-Positive6058 OP No it was not her father and someone I dated and married after she went to college.
    via This-Positive6058
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    Practical-Bird633 So she has no claim, owes you money already and is irresponsible with money? That's the last kind of person who should be gifted a motorcycle
    via Practical-Bird633
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    HowTheStoryEnds Does she even know how to ride a motorcycle?
    via HowTheStoryEnds
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    This-Positive6058 OP Yes, she went and got a license after she became aware that I was awarded the motorcycle. But for me that is not the bigger issue.
    via This-Positive6058
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    StrangerOnReddit NTA. She already owes you money, why on earth would you freely give her a motorcycle? She needs to learn some financial responsibility. As for her friends, of course they are siding with her, they have only heard her version of things. In any case, their opinions don't matter.
    via Stranger0nReddit
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    Expensive Plant 9530 It sounds like you are what we would call the Executor of the estate where I live. Your job is in essence to execute the intentions of the deceased as per what is written in the will. What does the will say about the motorcycle? You really shouldn't be making any decisions like who gets what. You need to follow the legalities of being an executor above all other concerns. You need to settle the debt before any of the will is dispersed to the recipients. Once that is done, th
    via Expensive_Plant_9530
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    squirrelsareevil2479 YWBTA if you give in to her. She has demonstrated that she is financially irresponsible, makes poor decisions regarding employment and is willing to whine to her friends to try to emotionally manipulate you. Never give or lend her money again until you are satisfied that she has paid you what she already owes you and has matured enough to appreciate the help you've given her. Tell daughter that she can tell all her friends that you're the wicked witch of the west and she's s
    via squirrelsareevil2479
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    giantbrownguy NTA. Her friends' opinions on the matter are a case of the blind leading the blind. You're under no obligation to fund her wants. But at this point you also need to stop treating her like she has the mentality of a child and accept that she is at managing her finances. There is no reason for you to entertain her expectations or demands. I am unclear why you even thought you were the a_h_le in the first place. She doesn't have the intelligence or knowledge to make that kind of judge
    via giantbrownguy
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    cassowary32 NTA. I can bet she'll turn around and sell it once the title is in her name. You need to settle the estate first before she can plunder it. Was she named in the will?
    via cassowary32
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    Ashes_falldown NTA. If her debt would be enough cover a chunk of the estates debt, then, if you want to be nice, you could teller her that if she pays off her debt to you by a certain date, she can have the motorcycle. If not, sell it and use it towards the estate debts. There is no reason for you to incur any debt from the estate if you can sell items to cover it.
    via Ashes_falldown

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aita freeloading will argument motorcycle reddit thread daughter ex husband Reddit mom money entitled people
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