In-laws start to ruin woman’s marriage when they crash on the couch for 3 months, causing her to feel alienated from her husband when he plans a family vacation without her: “I feel he has made these unilateral decisions”

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 14, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Welcome back to the internet. In this hustle and bustle world, there are a few steady platelets that keep us afloat. Some people have a reliable and loyal family, one that's there for them ready to help in any way possible. Whether it's to put down money, to drive to you and help you, to call whoever needs to be yelled at, or a multitude of other scenarios, some people have a family that is there for them through and through. For others, maybe it's friends. Friends who love you like family, who take you under their wing, who invite you to every Christmas dinner and family reunion, and who treat you like one of their own. Maybe it's a partner, and you've been absorbed into their parents and siblings and there's no going back. You're one of them now, and even if you're not married, your partner is always there to bail you out of bad times, tricky situations, or much, much worse. 

Marriage won't always be easy, and in the story below the couple is having some issues that need tending to. The husband's family has come to visit them in their small apartment. They're staying not just one month, not just two, but at least three months. I don't know about you, but this would never fly for me. They can stay at a hotel or Airbnb, but definitely not in the same home as me when we're adults. 

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  • 01

    My in-laws are staying with us and it is affecting my marriage

    "I felt betrayed, left out, and unloved by his actions"
    via fotostorm from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My husband (M41) and I (F34) have been together for 7 years. Recently, my husband's parents got a visa approved to come to the US. They waited a very long time for this visa to get approved and were afraid it was going to get denied. I have no problem with them visiting; I was happy to hear they got the visa. When it
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605

  • What would you do if you were the wife in this situation? It's a problem to let your in laws stay for so long. I know that for me I would never have said yes to something like that. It's important that I have a home where I feel comfortable, where I don't have to walk on eggshells or host people for an extended period of time. 

  • 03
    came time to buy the plane tickets, I told my husband that I felt them coming for a month was a good amount of time. My husband got really angry at me and yelled at me that his parents can come for as long as they want to. Of course, I got upset at his reaction because I felt he was being selfish and not considering
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 04
    me as someone who also lives in the household. I work from home, and we live in a very small apartment (880 sq ft). Them coming for so long would complicate things for me and put me in an uncomfortable position, especially because I don't speak their language.
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 05
    Due to his parents' "mistake" and his vacation time, my husband decided that they are staying almost 3 months. I was not happy with this decision but tried to understand him. It's his parents, and there is a chance that they may not be able to ever come back. I was really trying to be understanding. To make things
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 06
    more complicated, another family member also got a visa approved, and his parents decided that they wanted them to come visit at the same time. I told my husband okay, but tell them that the space is small and suggest them to stay two weeks. He still did not consider my feelings or the situation, and now the other family member is staying for 1
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 07
    month. I was frustrated at the idea that a third person was coming for so long, and he did not take my feelings into consideration when making this decision.
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10479805952
    via RgStudio from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    So, to make things easier for them and for me, I decided to go to my parents' home for a few weeks. Things were okay during this time. I decided to come back to the apartment to meet this family member and spend some time with them. My husband has been mentioning that he wants to take his family to to a different
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 10
    state for vacation. We talked, and my understanding was that he was going to buy tickets during. weekdays to make things easier for me. Yesterday I found out that he bought tickets to go over the weekend and he didn't even ask me if I wanted to join or if I was okay with that—nothing. It made me feel very sad and upset that again he did not take me into
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10479805696
    via dimaberlinphotos / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    consideration when making these decisions, especially the fact that he had bought the tickets days ago and didn't even feel like I should know. I was very upset; | felt like I wanted to cry, so I went to my room. My husband got upset at my reaction and left the house with his family.
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 13
    After a few hours, they came back, and I asked him to talk. I told him I felt betrayed, left out, and unloved by his actions. He got super angry and started yelling at me. His family was in the room next door and could hear his yelling. I was trying to express my emotions in a respectful way, but that seemed to trigger him even more. His
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 14
    argument is that my behavior ruined his parents' trip and now they feel uncomfortable, and that the only thing they have done is being nice to me, which I don't disagree with—they are lovely people and have treated me nicely. I don't feel he understands my feelings. I feel he has made these unilateral decisions; he puts his family's needs first and above
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 15
    mine, and I feel I reached a breaking point. I do understand his desire to please his family and make them happy, but I feel after the fight we had last night, things are awkward and weird among everyone, and his family is obviously on his side. So, I feel extremely uncomfortable in my own house. I don't know what to do. AITA for reacting the way I
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 16
    did? Should I got back to my parents house?
    via u/Humble_Aerie_3605
  • 17
    [deleted] NTA and I bet anything he yelled loudly because he wanted them to hear. He wants them to think he's in charge. He's being really disrespectful. I'd stay at your parents' house until you get a decent apology from him.
    via Reddit
  • 18
    Nice_Bluebird 7626 You should go back to your parents home. He's literally yelling at you when you express yourself or your feelings every single time
    via u/Nice_Bluebird 7626
  • 19
    anonymouswr1ter NTA. Every single time you open your mouth he flips out. Why would you stay with him? He's clearly very selfish and only cares about himself. Go back to your parents house permanently and ditch this guy.
    via u/anonymouswr1ter
  • 20
    theworldisonfire83... NTA, he is showing you, over and over again, who is more important to him. Take your things and go. Making the decision without you to 1) let his parents stay for 3 months and 2) letting another family member
    via u/theworldisonfire8377
  • 21
    move in for a month, into a 800 sq. ft. home tells you exactly what he thinks of your opinion and your feelings. This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Your parents are more important than our marriage? Cool, see ya.
    via u/theworldisonfire8377
  • 22
    TheTDog1820 NTA, and honestly, id say get out while you can. He's made it obvious he doesnt care about you or your feelings.
    via u/TheTDog1820
  • 23
    ShyexGI NTA. Sis, be honest. Your marriage was a how long before the ILs arrived. This man literally gives zero f s about you, your feelings, or your opinions. He has shown you who he is, believe him.
    via u/ShyexGI

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