26-year-old moves states for high-paying job, pregnant 30-year-old sister acts up because she won't move back to their shared home to help take care of the baby: 'She's saying I've been disrupting her peace her entire pregnancy'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 22, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

I know from personal experience that moving far away from your relatives is a big shakeup in the family dynamic. All of a sudden, you go from seeing them in person whenever you want to needing to plan it weeks if not months in advance. Keeping in contact starts to look very different, and if you are very close with family or have certain relatives who rely on you a lot it can be a difficult adjustment.

Despite the difficulties, though, there are plenty of benefits to spreading your wings. If it goes right, it can give you numerous opportunities that you wouldn't have had otherwise and by extension, allow you to develop as a person. The problem is if you have to deal with family members who aren't so happy about that. Maintaining those important ties while also having your own life can become a real problem for some.

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    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one woman found herself dealing with when she moved across the country to start a lucrative new job. Back home, her older sister was pregnant with her first child and was unhappy with the distance between them, making frequent remarks about her not doing enough to help with the baby.

    The sister and her husband lived in a house that both of the sisters had lived in at one point, meaning that much of the furniture in it belonged to the younger sister. Things came to a head when the expecting mom asked her younger sibling to make room for the baby by coming back and moving some of her stuff. After a tense encounter, the sister wanted to know if she was in the wrong with the demanding mom-to-be.

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    Cheezburger Image 10483806720
    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03

    AITA for not moving back home for my sister’s baby?

    1 (26F) moved states for a travel SLP job, to make great money and explore, normal 20s stuff. Sister (30F) got married recently & expecting 1st baby. She & parents want me to move back home & help w baby. Sister says "idgaf about her pregnancy", "can't be mad when my neice won't know me" and I'm "weird for wanting to live that far away". I haven't even hit 2 yrs & I like it here, and I travel back home monthly anyway so I won't be a stranger to my neice. she'd argue, yell, scream, stonewall me f
    via Western_Tomorrow_829
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    My sister has been picking fights with me weekly over little things (not answering/returning her call when I'm busy, everytime she wants to talk/vent for hrs, not wanting to leave TX). as a person learning to set boundaries, my family doesn't accept it well when I finally enforce a boundary. she's now saying I've been disrupting her peace her whole pregnancy & she'll never forget it. But she is picking all these fights! She ended that phone call with "btw pls come get all your shit out the junk
    via Western_Tomorrow_829
  • 05
    I flew in Mon night; began the move Tues morning. I furnished the whole house while I stayed there so all furniture/appliances/decor are mine, no question. she called from work demanding I wait until Saturday when she is off because "I don't feel comfortable with you moving things around at the house while I'm not there. You could take something that's not yours and there aren't any cameras". I felt like I trusted them to live on top of my stuff, use my dishes/appliances, sleep on my beds, repla
    via Western_Tomorrow_829
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    I was offended & to not be able to get my things tues-sat knowing I leave Sunday is asinine. Her Huz even told me she throws away my things all the time; they argued once bc he told her that's wrong. I told her I know not to touch anywhere her things are and I know what belongs to me and what doesn't, she started screaming at me "WHY CANT YOU EVER JUST SAY OK WHEN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?" Even my parents said she was being unreasonable. She didn't talk to me the rest of my spring break. I left our
    via Western_Tomorrow_829
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    Commenters were totally supportive of the younger sibling.

    Individual_Metal_983 Your sister is controlling. You are entitled to collect your things. It is not your job to move to help with her child. ΝΤΑ
    via Individual_Metal_983
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    KiraMaeve Nailed it! Helping out is one thing, but uprooting your life? That's a plot twist no one signed up for.
    via KiraMaeve
  • 09
    tango421 The above about summarizes it. And next time she shouts "Why can't you ever say OK when I tell you something" tell her OK and grey rock anything else. Not worth the stress. NTA
    via tango421
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    Ambitious_Estimate41 And demand sister buy op out of the house! Op is entitled to at least a room in the house so sister can throw her stuff away for the baby
    via Ambitious_Estimate41
  • 11
    mossy-mushroom-crow NTA - having a baby is entirely her decision. You do not owe your sister (or the unborn child, for that matter) anything. Congratulations on your decision to move states away- that sounds like a really good decision for your wellbeing. Side note: it's entirely possible to have a loving long-distance relationship with your niece/nephew. It's about the intention and effort you put into the relationship, so don't let her manipulate you to feel guilty for living YOUR life.
    via mossy-mushroom-crow
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    Western_Tomorrow_829 OP I'm not joking when I say this move has felt like one of the best decisions I could've made for myself, and once I got past the guilt in my mind from hearing their voices of disapproval, I feel so free. Everyday here
    via Western_Tomorrow_829
  • 13
    FireBallXLV Please stop interacting with this person .She has a Pathologic jealousy of you OP.Even her husband can see how irrational she is being .Go No or Low Contact .But be aware when she needs help she may suddenly be nice to get her way .Be free and enjoy your youth. She is jealous that she is tied down and you are not.
    via FireBallXLV
  • 14
    jurysummonsagain Time for you to go low contact.
    via jurysummonsagain
  • 15
    Snackinpenguin Your sister is too much. She wants you close. She wants your free childcare. She's had an easier start thanks to your lease/child home, existing furnishings. All stuff she now views as hers. And if you moved back you'd have to start over. Job. And stuff wise. She's also a control freak. And co-dependent. What exactly is she giving back to this sisterhood in return? Not a lot. Heck no. NTA.
    via Snackinpenguin
  • 16
    Western_Tomorrow_829 OP This. I'd go back to making half my salary. I'd be unhappy as I'm living somewhere for others and not where I wanna be. Our grandma even told my parents I wasn't doing anything wrong and they're being unfair to me and not letting me live my life. Making me live for my sister. I just don't understand how she'd have been able to sleep well at night knowing she asked something so huge of me for her gain only. I ran myself ragged flying in throwing her bachelorette, bridal sh
    via Western_Tomorrow_829
  • 17
    Acrobatic_Chef180 Did you take everything that was yours from the house? Every last bit that you own? I hope so. I would have loved to see your sister implode when she saw all your furniture and furnishings gone. And appliances, etc. If you noticed anything missing you should hound her about it and demand that she return or replace it, even though you know it probably something she threw away. Cut contact with your toxic sister.
    via Acrobatic_Chef180
  • 18
    JTBlakeinNYC NTA, but your sister and the rest of your family sure are. I would hire a moving company, put all of your furniture and belongings that you don't need for work in storage, and go back to your travel job. Be sure to go to the post office and fill out a change of address form so that your mail no longer goes to your sister's home. If you don't trust your parents to handle your mail, rent a post office box. Good luck!
    via JTBlakeinNYC
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    Cocoasneeze ΝΤΑ You don't need to uproot your life to become your sister's servant. Because that's how she sees you. And now she's one minion short and has to pick up her own slack. You have to know this "Our parents always reiterate that the house is still both of ours, the door is open to both their daughters." is not true though. You got to accept, that your parents gifted your sister your childhood home. And only when there's an issue that requires $$$££, then the house momentarily becomes y
    via Cocoasneeze
  • 20
    ApprehensiveBook4214 NTA. That poor baby who'll have her for a mother. Grey rock her. And, if possible, be prepared to help her kid(s) with leaving her once they're 18. Not taking her crap, teaching boundaries can be enforced, and helping them get out of her control will probably be way more helpful to your niece or nephew than anything she wants.
    via ApprehensiveBook4214
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    Affectionate Young 300 NTA. Collect all of your furnishings and possessions, and bring them back to TX with you. You don't need her permission to do that. Also, you don't need to uproot your life just to move back home to take care of your sister's baby; childcare is her problem.
    via AffectionateYoung300
  • 22
    flotiste Move your stuff out ASAP. Then block her calls until she learns to communicate like a grown up. You do not have to put up with this amount of abuse from anyone, let alone a family member who is taking advantage of you. NTA
    via flotiste
  • 23
    Immontes Go live your life. Keep up the career and exploring new places. NTA in any way. This baby is HER and her HUSBAND's responsibility. Any other help they should be thankful for.
    via Immontes

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