18-year-old stepdaughter schools stepmother after she tries to declare that she's her "real" mother now: 'Technically I’m your mom now. I’ve done more mothering in the last 8 years than she did in 10'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Mar 24, 2025 12:00 AM EDT

The last thing anyone wants to hear ever is that you think you've taken the place of someone who they tragically lost. No matter what rationalization or reasoning you put behind it, it's never going to be received well or lightly. You should never seek to replace someone but rather supplement their life and relationships. Particularly when you're a stepparent dealing with young persons who need guidance and who have lost a parent, you can't just expect to step in and take that parent's place even if "step" is technically in your title.

It's a bit like joining a new workplace, you need to step lightly at first and let the relationship and mutual respect naturally develop. Demanding that this relationship develop or merely declaring that it has been developed is completely missing the point and really begs the question as to what your true motives here are.

So, of course, when this stepmother declared that she was more of a mother to her stepdaughter than her own mother had ever been, the thing is that the only reason she had been around for longer than the girl's own mother was that the girl's mother had tragically passed away when she was young. This would be one thing if her mother had been disinterested and a bad parent and the stepmother had stepped in to fill that role, but then if the stepmother was really that kind of altruistic person and selfless person who just wanted the best for a child, this conversation would have never been taking place in the first place.

So, although harsh, the stepdaughter's response was more than fitting, as commenters in this thread seemed to agree. See the original story followed by some key comments below. 

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  • 01

    “Well, technically I’m your mom now. I’ve done more mothering in the last 8 years than she did in 10.”

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITAH for embarrassing my stepmom at dinner after she tried to “teach me a lesson” about my real mom?"

    I (18F) live with my dad and my stepmom (43F). My mom passed away when I was 10, and it's still a sensitive subject for me. My stepmom came into the picture a couple of years later, and while we're civil, we're definitely not close. - like She's always had this weird vibe she's trying to compete with my mom even though my mom isn't here. She gets snippy when I talk about her or wear anything that belonged to her (like my mom's old necklace I wear basically every day).
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  • 03
    Anyway, a few nights ago, we were out for dinner with my dad, stepmom, and her parents. Her mom asked about the necklace, and I said, "It was my mom's. She gave it to me before she passed. I wear it every day." Stepmom immediately cut in with, "Well, technically I'm your mom now. I've done more mothering in the last 8 years than she did in 10." I swear the whole table went silent.
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  • 04
    I just laughed and said, "If you think being a mom is about trying to erase the actual one, then yeah, you've been amazing." She looked like she'd been slapped. Her mom gasped. My dad told me to apologize, but I refused. I said I was tired of her acting like my mom never existed, and I wasn't going to play along anymore. Now my stepmom is barely speaking to me, and my dad says I "need to be the bigger person" because "she's just trying to connect." But to me, that didn't feel like connection tha
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  • 05

    “If you think being a mom is about trying to erase the actual one, then yeah, you’ve been amazing.”

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    via guille pozzi

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    • -babypink 5h ago NTA period. I don't even have anything else to say, how dare she say that to you
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  • 07
    Fast-Opening-1051 • 4h ago Nta Who the f thinks that belittling a de d parent is “connecting" that's disgusting and your dad's missing his spine just like your step mum's missing her heart
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  • 08
    Funny-Wafer1450 • 4h ago NTA. She is the one who owes you an apology, and so does your dad. He should be sticking up for you. And your reply was perfect. Sometimes evil stepparents forget that children grow up to be adults who don't have to take their b.s. anymore. She just got a lesson in that. Good for you.
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  • 09
    ivygreen_2 . 4h ago Thats no way to connect at all. Saying she has done more parenting than your own mom who passed. Thats so insensitive and she got served
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  • 10
    Gemfyre1 4h ago • Nta. Why does the teenager need to be the bigger person?
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  • 11
    Double-Routine-9429 · 4h ago NTA, your step mom should be the one to make the extra effort and she should never speak badly about your mom. She has no right to just declare herself your mom, if she wants you to call her mom she should have earned it but she clearly missed the chance over the last eight years.
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  • 12
    Megaholt .4h ago Yeah, no-she crossed a line she shouldn't have, and you did nothing wrong there.
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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH kids teenagers blended family stepchild moms family feud parenting family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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