‘I would not recommend hiring him’: Job seeker asks sister-in-law to be a reference when applying to the company she works at, SIL badmouths him and ruins his chances

The job search can get discouraging, to say the least. Creating 100+ versions of your resume and signing up for 12 million Workday accounts, all the while knowing you won't hear back from most of your prospects. If they do reply, half of them will be an automated message where they probably misspelled your last name. How do I know? Less than a year ago, that's where I was. Gathering references from folks who can attest to your abilities is easy, but sometimes, you realize you can never truly trust them—even if they're a relative.

The job seeker who posted this next story explains that he was looking for a job at a specific company and put his sister-in-law down as a reference. Little did he know, she would give him the worst non-recommendation known to man, and he'd have 100% access to it and read it. He has no idea what's going on, and to be honest, neither do I. What's her problem? Scroll to read.

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Author image for Lana DeGaetano Lana DeGaetano
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  • The man explains, also, that he knows another person at the company but didn't want to ask a stranger(ish) to vouch for him on things he might not be able to attest to. This job seeker is doing everything by the book, and his SIL seems like she's trying to upend his career on purpose…

  • RESUME
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • "Sister in Law tells me to use her as a reference for the company she works at, proceeds to trash me."

    I have been waiting to apply at a certain company for a couple years. My sister in law works there, starting out as an office assistant and I don't know what her role is exactly, she's
    via IowaCAD
  • specifically kind of vague about it. She organizes documents among architects, drafters, and other departments. I specifically am a CAD tech (if you can't tell by my name)
    via IowaCAD
  • An Engineer that is a friend of a friend works there, he told me that they were going to open up an Associate CADD position and I should apply. I didn't ask him to vouch for me, because we aren't
    via IowaCAD
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  • close friends. I have a pretty strong resume and I've worked on a lot of in-depth projects. This specific Engineering firm is highly valued among Engineers because the company likes remote employees; my SIL hasn't been to the office in 5 years.
    via IowaCAD
  • I applied and the very next day I'm called and asked if I have time for an interview and talk about the job. The next day I have the interview and it goes pretty well.
    via IowaCAD
  • The interview is remote, so they show me how I can log into my profile to look at my application status, it even shows what people wrote or said about you as references. We panned over to
    via IowaCAD
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  • the part where I put my SIL as a reference and I say "Oh that's my sister in law" and they said "Oh yeah, we were going to ask about that, I know through
    via IowaCAD
  • email but haven't met her in person. We sent her another request for a reference, she's is your sister in law?" and I said yes, she is. They asked if I spoke to
    via IowaCAD
  • her about using her as a reference and I said yes. We ended the call with them saying they were going to call her up to verify her as a reference and schedule the next interview. Later
    via IowaCAD
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  • that day, a hiring manager I had not previously spoken with asked if my SIL had another number or something, I said not that I know of, but that she "was known to take her remote position pretty
    via IowaCAD
  • seriously, so we often dont hear from her until later in the evenings" - I called to give her a heads up, texted her, and no response. Meanwhile, she is in a family group chat talking about buying shoes at Costco, clearly shopping.
    via IowaCAD
  • Cheezburger Image 10487366656
    via A. C. For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • The next Monday (couple days ago from today) I logged into my profile on the company site, and my sister in law's review was overwhelmingly negative to the point where it was insulting. She
    via IowaCAD
  • ended her email that "I would not recommend hiring him, he would not be a good fit." - I tell my wife this, and she thinks I am full of crp until she sat down and was
    via IowaCAD
  • able to see what all 8 of my references wrote, including her sister. - I haven't heard from the company since then. My sister in law doesn't know I am able to see what she wrote.
    via IowaCAD
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  • I'm having trouble processing this. My wife on the other hand... doesn't understand what the big deal is and thinks I shouldn't take it to heart. Even talking to her in a group chat like normal. Like, we have kids, mortgage due in 2 days, and I had to sell my car.
    via IowaCAD
  • myamitotoro She was very unprofessional. She should have told you not to use her as a reference; agreeing to be one implies she's going to speak well of you. She sabotaged you.
    via myamitotoro
  • NowareSpecial SIL clearly doesn't like you AND she sabotaged your job hunt while you're hurting financially. And your wife is OK with that? My dude, I do not envy you. Good luck.
    via NowareSpecial
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family drama aita workplace-stories drama career advice work job seeker family feud sister in law workplace entitled family job search job interview interview entitled people
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