'Mom is acting like I’m the villain for refusing to help': Pastry chef refuses to work her sister-in-law's baby shower for free after receiving zero acknowledgment for baking her Golden Child brother's wedding cake

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

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  • Some families are ‘takers.’ Perpetually under the impression that if one shares the same last name as them, they're entitled to whatever's theirs and visa versa. While I'm all for sharing—my expertise and my belongings—with my family, I still expect a certain level of gratitude, even though they're family. 

    This professional pastry chef found herself becoming the family's personal baker for all of their events—and let me tell you, the cost of a wedding cake is NOT cheap. Approaching the thousands (or beyond), wedding cakes and event desserts cost a pretty penny, which is why this pastry chef was beyond furious when her strangely aloof sister-in-law guilt-tripped her into supplying cake for her nuptials without so much as a ‘thank you.' While this woman was happy to help one time, once she realized that there was no gratitude or even respect for her profession in her family, she decided it was time to politely decline her services, especially when her SIL's baby shower rolled along…

    Here's my quote, little sis. That's what it costs to have a professionally catered dessert table for 30 guests.

  • Cheezburger Image 10488387328
    via Antonio_Diaz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • AITA for refusing to make the dessert table for my sister-in-law's baby shower?
    via Desperate-Pie5636
  • I'm a professional pastry chef and previously made their wedding cake free of charge, yet I never received a thank you or any acknowledgment from her.
    via Desperate-Pie5636
  • She also never initiates speaking to me, I always have to be the one to say hi first, and ask how she is doing. When I had my baby shower, she didn't offer to help plan or contribute anything.
    via Desperate-Pie5636
  • Now my mom is pressuring me and guilt-tripping me into doing the dessert table for her baby shower, but I said no. My mom is acting like I'm the villain for refusing to help.
    via Desperate-Pie5636
  • Cheezburger Image 10488393984
    via Gustavo Fring

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • JDlovetoread Let your mum make it!
    via JDlovetoread
  • Fibro-Mite Your brother is the Golden Child, right? Are you fully the Scapegoat, or just the Disappointment? You should ask her.
    via Fibro-Mite
  • Sassy-Peanut If you are a professioal and give your skills away free to anyone they will undervalue - them and you. Know your worth.
    via Sassy-Peanut
  • Shells NTA. Be comfortable with your mom being displeased about it. You and your SIL aren't close. Maybe one day she will put in effort, maybe she won't. Go, bring a gift, be courteous like
    via Shells
  • anyone else. Besides, people seem to take advantage of people like you with skills, like you should think nothing of the time and cost to you. Offer mom a family discount to buy some of your goods, if you wish.
    via Shells
  • Apart-Artichoke1975 NtA your mom is tho. Like most parents that prefer their own happiness over their children's
    via Apart-Artichoke1975
  • forgetregret1day This is your profession, not a free charity you run for ungrateful relatives. They're disrespecting your craft, your time and your money and if you
    via forgetregret1day
  • don't put a stop to it in no uncertain terms, they'll never stop demanding that you give them free stuff. Tough luck if your mom doesn't like it. You're not a pastry ATM for the family. Just say no. NTA.
    via forgetregret1day
  • Well-Done22 NTA. You don't deserve to be used. And the old "be the bigger person" and "family helps family" arguments are tired and, frankly, BS. Attend and give a gift like anyone else. Unless you're not invited, then don't even attend.
    via Well-Done22
  • Ebonyrosepatt Make a full priced quote of how much it would cost to pay for your services provide it to all family and explain if they want your help that's what it costs. You would offer a friends and
    via Ebonyrosepatt
  • family discount if they had behaved as such but seen as they don't they don't get a discount. NTA do not back down. And if they say they will pay you need full payment before you make a single thing.
    via Ebonyrosepatt
  • Large_Effective_812 NTA, my grandfather was a pastry chef and his family including my mother are still upset he did not make their wedding cake. He stopped for this very reason. If he did it
    via Large_Effective_812
  • family would expect it to be free, if he charged everyone would bash him so he stopped and that included making a wedding cake for his son and DIL. Mind you my mother is in her 80s and has been divorced
    via Large_Effective_812
  • from my father for over 40 years. She still complains and even when I tell her the why she still says it was selfish and I was like well you're divorced so it's good he didn't waste his time.
    via Large_Effective_812
  • His wife was a seamstress bythe way and taught me to sew she told me never let anyone know you can sew like me you'll never hear the end of it. They were both so right. I also can bake too and nobody knows.
    via Large_Effective_812
  • HelenGonne Every single time, give a HUGE smile and say, "Oh, no thank you, Mom, you go right ahead!"
    via HelenGonne
  • Radiant Chipmunk39 NTA, do you tell our mom the reason why you said no? Don't let anybody guilt trip you. I would tell everybody that you never received a thank you for the wedding cake.
    via Radiant Chipmunk39
  • Otherwise-Topic-1791 "I'll do as much for her as she did for me." Forgot NTA
    via Otherwise-Topic-1791
  • TheeQuestionWitch Wait, so she didn't even ask you, your mom did? Oh h. I no. You have our permission to grow a shiny spine and tell them no. Repeat as necessary.
    via TheeQuestionWitch
  • AlternativeTruths1 Your mother can pressure you all she wants, but if you don't want to make the dessert table, you're not obligated to do it. If the dessert table is so important to your mother, SHE can make the dessert table!
    via DAlternativeTruths1

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family drama dads famiies drama kids brother siblings moms parenting dad story family sibling sister stories parent mom cousins parents
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