Boss retaliates against employee for letting their coworkers vent to them, employee stops doing all of the extra tasks they had been taking on out of goodwill: 'Coworkers should be allowed to vent to each other without it being treated like this'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 2, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

When you do something voluntarily or as a favor for someone for long enough eventually everyone is going to forget that you took them on as a favor in the first place and your kind act is going to be completely taken for granted.

When this happens in the workplace, often you're just going to find that this happens in the form of those tasks just becoming a part of your baseline duties. What was once something you were doing "as a favor" or "for a short time" is now something that you're being expected to do in addition to your other baseline duties. That's pretty much what is happening here, with this worker's additional contributions to the company and the team now being taken for granted and not being put into consideration by their boss.

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  • When this worker was overheard talking with their coworkers about their coworker's complaints about recent changes to policies that had been made at the office and were affecting the morale of the team. Their boss was quick to assume that they were the ringleader of the entire team's dissension—rather than considering that the worker might have been doing the thing that they had been doing for a long time: maintaining the morale of the office.

    And you just know that there is a reason why none of the coworkers went to the boss to talk about their grievances. Clearly, this boss is one who would take it personally, and they probably see the fact that the other workers regard this worker as a leader as a threat. The last thing you ever want to do is get "offside" with some egotistical bosses like this one, because once you're on that side there's almost no coming back. From then on you can count on nothing but distancing and retaliation.

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    Cheezburger Image 10488929792
    via Austin Distel

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "I've stopped doing the "fun" extra office stuff after I didn't like the way my boss handled something, AITAH?"

    I guess background is important and sorry it's long: My job performance is exceptional. I meet every necessary mark 100% of the time and have done so for the last ten years. Maybe an odd month or two in there due to travel and things that would make it impossible. I've also stepped up and carried the load for coworkers when things have come up to ensure our area isn't dinged for performance issues. Clients get along. well with me, I've never had a complaint filed against me, etc. You get the ide
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    I also am known to do all the holiday decorating, coordinating the gifts for office celebrations, baking the desserts, writing formal thank yous from our department, and making holiday baskets to help maintain positive relationships with the other agencies we work with. A couple months back, there was a policy change and none of us were happy about it. I made the best of a bad situation and adapted to the change immediately. My coworkers did as well, but they all called me to complain and vent.
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  • 04
    Here's where the issue is, while one of my coworkers was venting my boss was eavesdropping selectively on my side of the conversation as that's what he could hear. I was commiserating with them, but also pointing out how it wouldn't be that bad, it's in our contract, how we can make it fun/less obnoxious etc etc etc. We hung up and I didn't think about it further, especially since neither of us really said anything that you wouldn't expect an employee to say with the kind of change they're wanti
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  • 05
    I didn't think about it again until my boss called me in a few days later to do an employee evaluation in response to it. In every review I've had here I've always hit the "exceeds expectations" in nearly every category. He cut me down to "meets expectations" on everything. He reamed me for my "attitude" for not cutting my coworker off and letting them vent. Telling me I should have told them to call him. He accused me of being negative/a negative influence and that if he didn't "nip it in the b
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    After this, as you may have guessed, I'm just not in the mood to head up everything extra I'd been doing to make the office environment "fun". I keep my door closed when he's here, I didn't bring dessert for the March birthday lunch. That lunch isn't mandatory, but I didn't want more problems so I went and just sat quietly the entire time. Now there's another "appreciation week/month" for one of the departments we work with and there's been an email chain about cards/gifts and I've responded the
    via Preference_Afraid
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    I guess I'm feeling like all the sh I did on the regular to foster a positive work environment got thrown out or was never appreciated because I lent an ear to a coworker and then got viciously reprimanded for it. Like what's the point if ten years of going out of my way gets thrown out just like that? AITAH for just quietly stepping out of all of these extras due to my feelings on how this was handled? Am I being overly petty?
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    canvasshoes2 NIA. The boss, as the kids called it, FAFO'd. Venting is typically a positive and necessary thing, as long as it's handled appropriately, and it sounds as if you were that appropriate "bottleneck" and sounding board. He was extremely stupid to have not allowed you to explain the situation to him. Stand your ground. Just keep it light, sweet, and "My work load is preventing me from keeping up with those extra tasks" about it all.
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    MNConcerto I've stopped some of that stuff as well because it was just expected of me. Employee silent auction. I sent a team message, hey guys any ideas of what our team basket should be. Nobody replied, so I moved on. I'm just as busy as everyone else. I donated my individual items.
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    Email from the organizers comes to team lead asking about our basket, team lead copies me and asks hey what's the plan. I reply nobody responded when I asked so I just let it go. She says, oh?! Yeah, I think she understood that I'm not going to be the only one stepping up all the time.
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    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Candid-Quail-9927 The fact that he took what he overheard and worked that as part of your performance evaluation is extreme and tells me there is something more to this on his side. All the extra that you are doing are not part of your work duties and stepping back is a choice. Simply let people know that you no longer have time to participate or lead such activities. I would watch things carefully and start documenting. Make sure that your silence and non participation is not used against you,
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    Cthulhu Almighty NTA. You might want to start looking for a new job. Your boss seems to be the type to have the attitude "the beatings will continue until moral improves." He may end up firing you to "nip it in the bud" and set the other employees straight.
    via Preference_Afraid
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    Comfortable-Focus123 If your boss can listen in to your conversations, you have to be a lot more careful (learned this the hard way). There is not necessarily anything wrong with venting, but there is a time and place. Your boss, however, is a complete AH for his review based on one overheard one half of a conversation, instead of communicating his concerns to you. He is probably unaware that he has hurt morale, as you are not doing the things that actually helped morale. NTA - but please learn
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    cheresa98 NTA - but the entire reason you were called into the office and given a pop performance review is to create a paper trail to be used to fire you in the future. So, since you're not sucking up (and I wouldn't either), you're going to get fired. I'd start looking for your next gig. It's time.
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    RJack151 NTA. If he considers every thing you have done as meets expectations, then only give him 'meets expectations'. Then when he complains, tell him that since going above and beyond is only 'meets expectations', you are only going to give him 'meets expectations'. This is on him.
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    xykologikalie You clearly were a team player and the one time your boss disliked the way you handled a perfectly normal venting session, he ruined that for all. I worked at a small call center (13 people on staff) for 5 years. I would do little extra things like bring in snacks, utensils, napkins, candy jar for the break room, etc. I would pick up extra shifts when someone called in. Organize the signing of birthday cards, celebrations, holidays, and whatnot. I went the extra mile on everything.
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    When my grandma passed away, they refused to give me my 3 days. of bereavement leave, which was standard. I worked a 12 hour graveyard shift at the time. I ended up working my night shift, going to the rosary and the wake, napping for a few hours then working again. I was only granted the day of the funeral because I called in. After that I realized they didn't give an iota about me so why should I do anything but the bare minimum. NTA.
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    Quiet-Hamster6509 As you can see, not only has your boss taken it for granted, but so have all your team members who have the expectation that you will do this again. Realistically, it should be a shared workload for these monthly tasks. They are just another task because the company should be putting an effort it for a company wide employee appreciation day. NTA, if anyone asks you again, just say that there have been some changes advised from management and you're just following those changes.
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    wittyidiot No, this is bad analysis. The boss didn't "FO" anything. There's nothing in the story here that says the boss even noticed. They cut OP down to set an example and in their mind, it worked. OP stopped about the policy change, ergo it's a win. OP: passive aggression does not work in office environments. Frankly it doesn't generally work at all. But what you want here isn't "justice" or "punishment". You want your good employee review back. And the way you get that back is to ask for it,
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    Write your boss a professional but firm email explaining that you don't feel you've been fairly treated. If you're really a valuable employee, your boss already knows and will respond in such a way as to prevent you from quitting. And if not, be prepared to move on. But don't fool yourself into thinking that cutting back on party planning or whatever is going to change anyone's mind.
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    Preference Afraid OP replied to wittyidiot 21 hr. ago I was already not complaining by the time of the eval and he had already seen me coordinate with other team members to "make a day off it" so the change felt more like a hangout with work vs. drudgery. I'm sure he felt like it was a win until I pointed out I'd already been coordinating and encouraging the team, which he had seen, and felt he was not treating me fairly. The eval was absolutely some stupid power play on his part.... But I think
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    I've been a supervisor. You don't ream a good employee on a conversation you half heard bits and pieces of. Even if the content displeased you. You talk to them, and escalate only if it continues. I'm not writing an email to advocate for a change as I equate that to some form of groveling, and I'm not in a position where I'd need to. Since my numbers and track record speak volumes on their own, my plan is to take it above him if the eval that matters doesn't accurately reflect the data. Then it
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  • 24
    You're correct, my cutting back on the morale office party sh isn't going to change anyone's mind, but it's not being done with the goal to change anyone's mind. I simply don't feel like those efforts were considered and weighed before he essentially accused me of being a cancer to the office, which TBH I found to be very demoralizing and hurtful. It's hard for me to justify continuing it while I feel this way about it. I just feel like I'm being an a h le to people that didn't do anything by st
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    I'll admit, I shouldn't have let people vent to me at the office, that was a mistake on my part, but him performance evaluating the team over it was a huge misstep on his. I'm not planning on quitting. It's a good job with a lot of rare benefits. I'd be an idiot to walk over this, especially where I live. I think when the annual review is up I'll know if I'm going to have to do more.
    via Preference_Afraid

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