UPDATE: 25-year-old discovers roommates created separate group chat to complain about their "cheap" dinner habits: 'We were basically told that we're not good hosts'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

Have you ever discovered that your friends were talking about you behind your back? This person has made that unfortunate discovery, and after sharing their situation with the internet, they may come to a difficult realization about their own habits. 

Cooking can be challenging when you live with tons of roommates. You're all crammed into a tiny little apartment with one stove and one refrigerator. So a lot of roommate groups will select one person to be the designated cook, while another might do the shopping, and everyone else pitches in with cash. However, this person is putting off their friend group with the way they're asking for money. They write that they send out a daily Venmo request following dinners and lunches. Their friends have created a separate text chain without them in it to complain! 

This person didn't really state the exact issue in the original post and the update. Instead, they elaborated in the comments. It seems that they often invite friends to join in the dinner along with their group of roommates. That means that the roommates are footing the bill for a bunch of this person's random friends… I see now why they're annoyed with this, but also, why can't they just ask their roommate directly? You can check out all the drama below, plus the update and comments. 

Next, read about this 19-year-old who blocked a fellow student from getting a job, saying that "[She] always seems to one-up me." 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10488690176
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+
  • 02
    AITA for Venmo requesting my friends for dinner after I hosted, bought, and cooked for them? I'm 25 years old and have been super close with this friend group since we were all in grade school. Fast forward 15 years some of us now live together, and we love having friends over for dinner.
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  • 03
    Any time we've had dinners, lunches, etc. together, I've always sent out a Venmo request the next day. It's never been more than $10-15 per person.
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  • 04
    Well, recently it came to my attention that my roommates (aka my childhood friends) have a separate group chat where they've been talking cr p about me, calling me cheap and even placing bets on whether I'll send a Venmo request after dinners I make.
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  • 05
    I found this out because my fiancée's best friend happened to be staying with us the same week we hosted one of these dinners. Long story short, my roommates vented to her about their frustrations over getting a Venmo request, and then asked her which "side" she was on.
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  • 06
    I'm not sure exactly what was said, but it ended up putting my fiancée and me in an awkward position. We were basically told that we're not good hosts and that we're being cheap. So... AITA?
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  • 07
    UPDATE I feel that my post needs more context and I want to answer the questions that i'm being asked.
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  • 08
    My friends are always well aware of what will be served, the cost, and any other important details ahead of time. In fact, I have even gone as far as sending out receipts the day of or sending out an "e-vite" with all the relevant info like the dinner menu, cost, etc.
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  • 09
    I'm typically the one who hosts, mainly because our house can comfortably accommodate more people. But the real issue isn't with our guests/outside friends it's with my friends/roommates who I live with. They're the ones who have been complaining about it.
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  • 10
    In our household, whenever someone does a grocery run or restocks shared items, we always send out Venmo charges to split the cost. That's never been an issue. We've all lived together for almost a year now, and in that time, my fiancée and I have consistently been the only ones who cook meals for everyone and clean the house. That kind of effort has never been reciprocated and it's disappointing.
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  • 11
    What makes it more frustrating is that our friends who come over have never once complained about the Venmo charges and many of them even approach hosting in the same way we do!
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  • 12
    It could be because I didn't let them know in advance that I was going to charge them for their share of all the groceries | purchased but no one has ever expressed frustration to me about this situation.
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  • 13
    SnooPets8873 INFO I think it's odd that you say your friends do the same when they host in comments but criticized you for it. Any thoughts on what they think is different between those situations or are they just hypocrites?
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  • 14
    Defiant-Ad-8175 OP its my roomates/friends that I live with who have a problem with the requests, not the friends who are being invited over if that makes sense
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  • 15
    That_UsrNm_Is_T... Some questions need answers before we can really assess this: • Are you telling your friends ahead of time . they will have to pay? Why don't you do potlucks, if you want everyone to contribute?
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  • 16
    • Are you the only one that hosts dinners im your friend group? If other people host, do they also charge you? get hosting can be expensive. It's not something I expect from friends, but we also often do potlucks to avoid all the cost being on one person. But if you invited me to a dinner at your home and sent me a
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  • 17
    money request after, I would be put off, cause I might've not even gone then or would've maybe liked to have input on what was served.
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  • 18
    Defiant-Ad-8175 OP Thank you for your feedback! Yes I should have included that they know in advance what we are having, how much it'll cost, etc. potlucks haven't been ideal for our friend group considering everyone gets off work at a different time unless its something that's planned on the weekend.
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  • 19
    Im typically the one who usually hosts because our space is much larger. My friends have also charged me when the roles are reversed. I totally get how it would be off putting receiving a Venmo request but due to the nature of our friendship dynamic it's never been an issue until now. I've even gone as far as sending out "e- vites" including the cost of dinner for our gathering.
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  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10488690944
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 21
    Wild... YTA. Asking your friends for payment after you've hosted them is very r de. Typically, if you're hosting at your home, the expectation is that you will provide the meal. Now, it's fine to host potluck style and ask your friends to bring a specific
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  • 22
    dish. But you want them to help cover the cost of the meal, you should let them know before the event.
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  • 23
    SlinkyMalinky20 YTA. I can't believe anyone came back after the first time.
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  • 24
    Dera... YTA. I've never heard of someone hosting and then requesting money Imfao Where I'm from, you don't charge your friends to hang out, and if you host, you're the provider, not your guests, smh.
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  • 25
    Cheezburger Image 10488691200
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 26
    anglflw YTA You cannot both "host" and "charge."
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  • 27
    TTringsnfarmerthi... So, in my personal opinion, the main reason this is kinda r de, is that you're sending the requests AFTER the dinner. In my experience, when attending an event I'll be required to contribute financially to, that request is made along with the invitation to the event. Otherwise, it kind of comes. off.... Icky? Like, oh hey come to my event, I'd love to
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  • 28
    have you. Surprise! You owe me $X now. That's weird, imo, and I'm not shocked it's rubbing people the wrong way. My advice is, if you are going to request people financially contribute, do so in advance of the event. That way, people can decide if they want to attend, knowing that the expectation is there. To
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  • 29
    spring it on people after the fact, especially when that expectation isn't the norm? Yeah, you're kind of the AH. I don't think it's malicious on your part. I just think it's kinda tone deaf and could be handled better.
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meals friends dinner roommates aita meal friendship cooking texting
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