“Step up and be their dad”: Woman forces husband to be the father to her children, despite them not even calling him “stepdad” and disrespecting him, he considers divorce

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 8, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Like all things in life, everything is split in dichotomies. Everything we experience as human beings has a bit of heaviness to it, as well as lightness. The heavier something is, the lighter you'll feel when it's over. The lighter something is, the heavier it'll be when you are going through something. There's also laughter, and forgetting. Forgetting is like the antithesis of laughter; when we remember things, we can form relationships and apply meaning to our experiences. Without memory, things are lost in an orbit of unencumbered time. And just like marriage, there's divorce, which encapsulates all things heavy, light, and meaningful. If you need further information, just read The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. 

Marriage and divorce don't involve two people only, it's a whole thing that involves every single other person around the two people. It involved children, their parents, family members, and friends. In the story below, the protagonist is a man who's going through a divorce, but he wasn't always in that position. He is only divorcing his wife because her step kids nearly hate him. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my wife I want a divorce after she pointed out that as a stepdad I have to keep showing up no matter what happens?

    Cheezburger Image 10490993664
    via Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (39m) married Lisa (38f) 4 years ago. She was divorced and had two kids with her ex. They split custody and didn't really co- parent because things were strained between them. But they could both be civil around the kids. The kids in question are 11
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 03
    and 9 now and Lisa and I have a 3 year old together. Problems started when Lisa's ex started giving me attitude and being hostile when I was in his presence. He'd tell me not to speak to HIS kids and to know my place. Lisa would tell her ex to stop and she warned him she'd document all of that but he carried on with these
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 04
    hostile remarks in front of the kids. And eventually the kids. started treating me the same way.
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  • 05
    Lisa went back to court and the judge ruled that she and her ex had to individually take some. parenting classes and that was it. Her ex carried on as he was and the judge didn't do anything further. She was told it wasn't actually parental alienation.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 06
    The kids had never minded Lisa saying they were our kids. Or me saying stepkids. I followed their lead on what to call them and I asked them if they'd like me to drop the step and they said no.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045

  • This woman is not living in reality. It isn't about the protagonist putting more work into it, if her kids hate him then there's nothing anybody can do. She needs to move on and see things clearly, instead of trying to make the impossible happen. It would benefit her to speak to her children. 

  • 07
    But Lisa started to have issues with it and the kids started to have issues with her saying "our kids" instead of "my kids" and the kids kicked up a fuss about it. The original conversations with me and them happened before the trouble with their dad started. The fuss started after his comments.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 08
    The kids started telling me to stop saying stepkids and they weren't my stepkids. Lisa wasn't happy about me saying stepkids either but the kids didn't want me claiming them as anything and my wife wanted me to claim them as my kids.
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  • 09
    She started encouraging more of a relationship between us but the kids constantly disrespected me. She wanted me to take them more places, wanted me to be involved in more of their extra curricular activities. I was already involved to some degree but she was mom, her ex was dad and I
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 10
    was stepdad and not equal to the bio parents. But she said I signed up to be their dad and that was what I needed to be. And I tried to be there more. She said the kids would come around when they saw me being there for them.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10490993920
    via KatarzynaBialasiewicz from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    Their dad was more hostile to me. He was hostile to the child I share with Lisa too. The kids started rejecting their half sibling. They had never been super fond but at least they would be kind around the youngest but that did end and they were angry about our child's presence. They repeated some of the things their dad did.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 13
    Lisa went back to court over it all and the judge still did nothing more.
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  • 14
    I suggested the kids get therapy and Lisa decided we needed family therapy. But the kids wouldn't talk or listen. And the therapist suggested individual which Lisa ignored. I went on my own and got some good things
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  • 15
    out of it and I attempted on numerous occasions to communicate the problems I was having to Lisa so we could work through them.
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  • 16
    The more time that passes the more Lisa gets angry that I won't "step up and be their dad" but the more I try to be involved the angrier her kids get and the more disrespect I get and if I even try to correct it they get more angry and show more disrespect.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 17
    The final straw for me happened last week. I had picked the oldest up from practice and in the car they got mad at me for trying to ask how things went. It started with you're not my dad but went up to saying they would accuse. me of abusing them because then
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 18
    I'd be punished and would never see them again and it would make them and their sibling happy because they hate me like their dad hates me.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 19
    I told Lisa about this and she told me I need to remain strong and carry on because they all need me. I asked her if she was serious and she said yes. I told her that's a serious threat her child made.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 20
    She corrected me and said our child. I told her if I said that I would likely get physically attacked by one or both of her kids given their anger around it and I told her they themselves have repeatedly said they are not my kids and I am not their dad.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 21
    She told me I signed up for it by marrying her. I told her this changed things and she said it didn't. I asked her if the kid or even both kids followed through on that promise and I had to leave the home and couldn't see our child until I was cleared, would she still expect me to keep
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 22
    showing up no matter what? She told me yes and that even if her kids attacked me or even if they say more horrible things it's my job to keep showing up and to be there.
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 23
    This made me leave. I told her before I left that I wanted a divorce and I would not stick around for that. She argued that I'm giving up and in the end we'd win because we're the good guys if we keep being there. I asked her how she could be so sure. I told her it doesn't always work
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 24
    Definition of divorce Eng Divorce The le nt body.
    via Kameleon007 from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 25
    and she told me it's because the steps are usually not as good as me but I was always amazing to her kids and just needed to work harder.
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  • 26
    I've seen our child almost every day since I moved out (the house was Lisa's before our marriage). And I'm determined to follow through with the divorce. Lisa keeps telling me I need to reconsider and I need to man up and her father even confronted
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 27
    me about it. Actually while he was confronting me we could hear Lisa and the kids fighting over her calling me their dad. But he repeated what she did that I signed up to be their dad and should fight harder. AITA?
    via u/Worth-Chocolate-2045
  • 28
    Sebscreen NTA. She expects you to move heaven and earth to achieve the impossible while failing at it herself and doing absolutely nothing to help you meet her expectations.
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  • 29
    She is setting you up to get accused of abusing her kids.
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  • 30
    bad-mean-daddy ΝΤΑ Their bio dad is poisoning them against you and your wife trying to force the issue by calling you their dad isn't helping matters
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  • 31
    The threat of accusing you of abe has now crossed the line Whether she or her dad sees that or not
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  • 32
    The bio dad had been in their heads long enough to make this a real problem
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  • 33
    bdayqueen NTA - Her ex is telling her kids to treat you like cr_p. Until she sees that, it won't get better. I'd get out too before they start with ab e lies that could ruin your life. Try for full custody before the kids start hurting your child.
    via u/bdayqueen
  • 34
    Oh Wiseone NTA - your wife doesn't see the real problem. If her kids complain to the police, you can lose your job, your - reputation everything.
    via u/Oh Wiseone
  • 35
    There are too many horror stories of children making false claims and destroying the persons life. Do not interact with the kids by yourself, and record everything, for evidence to protect yourself.
    via u/Oh Wiseone
  • 36
    Phoenix Rising Today NTA I hear a lot of Lisa telling you how to act - what is she saying to your stepkids? In your example, when the kid was hostile to you after a simple question - what did Lisa do? Did she sit down with that child and set
    via u/Phoenix Rising Today
  • 37
    expectations that you - deserve simple courtesy (at a minimum)? It wouldn't be appropriate for the kid to speak to anyone that way, much less to their stepdad. There should have been repercussions for that child -
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  • 38
    as well as promises of more serious repercussions if the behavior continues. If that didn't happen, Lisa is as much of the problem as her ex is.
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  • 39
    It seems like the kids and their father are running the show, and you will never be able to change that without Lisa being a stronger mother. Sounds like she married you to have a strong hand. Unfortunately, each victory makes the Dad feel more empowered.
    via u/Phoenix Rising Today
  • 40
    Divorce seems like the logical route. Be sure to get the custody situation for your shared child locked down - go for custody if you can, citing the examples of ab ive treatment towards your child.
    via u/Phoenix Rising Today

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