40-year-old freeloading brother-in-law costs thousands, forcing 25-year-old woman to set ultimatum for husband to save marriage: ‘He attempted to ruin my marriage’

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  • "AITA for wanting my bro in law to be gone & giving husband an ultimatum."

    "He's made zero progress. I said I was done with this whole mess❞
  • My (25f) brother in law (40m) has been a point of contention in my life/marriage for years. My husband (33m) lost his parents young. So he feels some need, despite being the youngest, to watch out for his brothers. Which
  • is admirable and I am a firm believer that if you can help, you should. Of course this seems to have bitten me in the a this time.
  • Back story for how we ended up here: Brother in law has been enabled his entire life, didn't have a job for over a decade, never provided or was responsible for himself. He is a highly manipulative person who's been caught lying, stealing, using and abusing people for his own gain.
  • He also (allegedly ☺) attempted to ruin my marriage my creating a fake Facebook of my husband's ex girlfriend to cause a rift between the hubs and I. Why?
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  • Because if my husband and I divorced, husband would stay in their town and continue to take care of brother in law. So l needed to be gotten rid of. He
  • even encouraged my husband to cheat on me with a "friend" of theirs (husband did not) He also has asked to borrow things that belonged to their deceased parents, only for them to be magically stolen (we believe he
  • pawned them) because he was down and out. Mind you, he had permission to take one thing temporarily, and took multiple. All of these things that are irreplaceable due to sentimental attachment to their parents. He
  • has gone to our family members and told stories that were untrue, and paint him as either a hero or victim to make us look bad. I've even caught him doing it while
  • I'm standing next to him. He wants to keep husband looking bad to make him look better in comparison.
  • He's never been respectful of me, he's manipulated me a time or two if I've been honest, but that's on me for being gullible and putting up with it.
  • My husband works really hard and has been in his field for his entire adult life. He's done well for himself despite his tumultuous upbringing and middle school education. This makes him a
  • target. Well bro in law was being kicked out, and fired from another de d end job. So husband used his contacts and connections to get him a job in their hometown. All while we are
  • sending thousands of dollars to keep him afloat. Then, we paid for him to move to where we currently live, work under my husband to gain a skill hoping to eventually move up on his own.
  • This job provides him with housing, more pay than he's ever dreamed of, and closeness to his brother. The issue was he didn't have a car. So we gave him one of ours. He left the car in a parking lot abandoned. Since it was in our
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  • name, we are now being sued for the cost accrued from impounding etc. since that car was gone, my husband gave him my car. This was an issue because my new car was in and out of the shop for MONTHS after we
  • bought it. So I relied on my old car to get around. We had two people interested in buying my old car for $7,000-$8,000 (this will be of importance later) however, I was not selling it until my new car was 100% fixed and safe because
  • I was 8.5 months pregnant with another baby & couldn't be without a vehicle. Regardless of this, my old car disappears one night & now in brother in laws possession. He makes payments over TWO YEARS equaling around $2,000. Car was in our
  • name this entire time, I still insured the cars this entire time, and was irregularly paid back by brother in law for insurance. It took months of threatening to take the car back and reimbursing him for the $2,000 he paid to get
  • him to finally get it out of my name. He has had a ROUGH driving history, and I really disliked him, or his gf of the week, driving a car in my name, under my insurance. I stayed out of it for
  • years, and let my husband deal with his brother. But the bickering between me and husband about it has taken a toll.
  • Meanwhile, for 2 years he's worked for my husband. He's made zero progress. He shows up to work whenever he wants, most of the time late, or no call no shows on a regular basis. He shows no respect to my husband, but that's between them. He's
  • caused my husband an incredible amount of stress because he makes my husband's workload twice as hard. And other employees at this company are quite angry and have been complaining about brother in law,
  • which falls on my husband as he's his supervisor. Brother in law refuses to communicate with husband when he tries to explain to him that his behavior at work is unacceptable.
  • Well it all came to a head this past week. After about 3 months of nonstop issue with brother in law at work, brother in law started a big war with someone at my husband's level. He went to the big boss and said coworker was
  • coming to work donk and drinking on the job. A BIG CLAIM to make. Well because the employee he made this claim about was the bosses close and
  • personal friend, it started a huge issue. This resulted in my husband being reprimanded and punished. I am a sahm, so my husband's job is our lifeline.
  • Husband had to stay out of work for a week because of ongoing heart problems and stage two hypertension issues. Brother in law no called no showed for 4-5 days with no excuse or reason.
  • This added fuel to an ongoing fire. During this time off, brother in law and his girlfriend (she's a whole separate issue) drunkenly egged my husband on to kill himself and were mocking, belittling him. I heard this and
  • flew off the handle. I am by NO means defending what I said. I KNOW I was wrong for this, but I told brother in law absolutely everything I had thought about him for years. I even threatened to text his girlfriend and tell her
  • the truth about a lot of things he has been lying and manipulating her about. I told him he should be absolutely ashamed of himself because my husband has bent over backwards for him. He
  • decided to send me harassing messages and phone calls all night (12 am until 4 am) threatening to "pull up" on me, calling me a , disgusting, whatever. Then he instructed his girlfriend to block all of us and forbade her from speaking to us
  • because he doesn't want her to find out the truth. Granted, I shouldn't have said I would tell her, it's none of my business. I wouldn't tell her, and let her reap what she sows on her own.
  • Side note about brother in laws gf if anybody cares: She and I were friendly, but she abandoned her two kids to chase some random (bro in law) around, and I lost all respect for her at that point because she's actively trying to have another baby to trap brother in law, but can't take care of the kids she has?! But I always
  • pitied her because I know brother in law is VERY good at manipulating people, and she has been fed some very leading information. However, her poor treatment of my husband does infuriate me. It seems everyone can talk crop to or about me and my husband, but has no problems living off of his coattails.
  • Anyways, I blew up on my husband. I said I was done with this whole mess. If he wants to be taken advantage of, fine. However, I am tired of having my cars, my money, and my self respect taken away for the sake of his 40 year old brother who is a downright menace. I told
  • husband to stop whining to me about how horrible his brother is at work, but never reprimanding him or doing anything about it. I also told him that if he continues to put his brother before me and our abundance of children (I am pregnant AGAIN), then he and brother in law can shack up together and leave me the heck alone.
  • Now husband is angry with me. Granted I get he's stressed out by all of this, and I am sure my explosion didn't help. However, I can't help but feel he brought all of this onto not only him, but the rest of our family. Am I seriously the a hole here for blowing up??
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