57-year-old mom drains $3,300 from her 27-year-old child’s savings, reframes it as “family funds,” and sparks a much-needed wave of outrage: ‘Even strangers were fuming for me’

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  • "My mom stole my savings and I'm just realizing I have the right to be angry"

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  • For a bit of background, I (27NB) currently live with my mom (57F) and sister (23F). I work full time while attending university, and had agreed to pay my mom my share of the appartment's bills, which she averaged out to 300€ per month.
  • My relationship with my mom is and sister... complicated, to say the least. My mom is overly- critical, over-controlling, destroyed my relationship with food in my teens by trying to
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  • control my diet because she thought I was overweight (I wasn't, I just inherited my aunts' stockier build and not hers) and doesn't respect my privacy or
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  • 10 UNITED STATES L12 50 OOT OFAMERICA SKRANES ENGIN Ꭿ
  • boundaries. But she's also very loving, helps me calm down from panic attacks, staunchly believes in my ability to succeed in life when my father doesn't and repeatedly reminds me of this.
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  • We're constantly stuck in a cycle where we're either getting along really well, or constantly butting heads. And I recently realized in therapy - we seem to get along when I follow her "rules". The moment I stray, we fight.
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  • As you can imagine, this has really been affecting my mental health. Talking with my therapist and other family members, I've come to the conclusion that moving out as soon as I'm able is the best play I can make for the sake of my mental health.
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  • I had to have some savings (around 3000€) placed with my mom some years ago due to circumstances at the time, but she had guaranteed that as soon as I
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  • wished to access them, she would return them to me no questions asked. I had no reason not to trust her at the time.
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  • The first time I tried to withdraw from the savings (September, if I remember correctly, unrelated situation), she heemed and hawed before she admitted she
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  • couldn't give it to me because money couldn't be readily withdrawn from the account she had placed it in, as it was invested in something. But that as soon as the time limit forbidding
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  • withdrawals from the account passed, she would return it all to me. It sounded reasonable. I still thought I had no reason not to trust her.
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  • Come January, I brought up the subject again, wanting to fully access the funds and transfer them to my own account so I could build up my savings. I
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  • asked when the time limit would be coming up and this time she said something that shook my trust in her.
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  • You see, my parents divorced roughly three years ago and my mother still had outstanding debt from the divorce. She told me
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  • that she had finished paying off her debt but couldn't return me my savings because she needed them to have savings for the household.
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  • At first, I thought I had no right to be angry, so I shoved my feelinds down. Because it was my duty to help in the upkeep of the apartment. But it kept gnawing at me the more I thought about it. It
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  • got worse when I talked with my cousin and he was furious on my behalf. And it finally bloomed to the surface when I posted on reddit for the first time and strangers were fuming for me too.
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  • I'm angry at my mom, and I'm allowing myself to be angry. But a part of me is still ashamed for feeling this way.
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  • Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate these feelings? This whiplash of a parent being loving and then ab ive, this shame at being angry at them despite being right for it? Or any other advice in general. I'm all ears.
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  • If you've read so far, thank you so much. I'll try my best to answer any questions.
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