New mom faces backlash after not opening the door to her in-laws: 'They saw me look at them and turn back around'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 16, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

A baby being born is a time when emotions run high for many people in the family. Of course, it is the parents and in particular the mom who experience this the most, but other relatives can also get caught up in such a momentous moment, for better or for worse. What's more is that with so much time and energy being poured into one tiny human being, it is much easier for misunderstandings and falling out to happen. There is plenty that can go wrong.

You might think that, having been through the experience of welcoming a child themselves, grandparents might be the most understanding of the stresses that new parents go through. However, this isn't always the case. In fact, taking on the role of grandpa or grandma can sometimes find them acting extra entitled, and adding to the workload of parents just trying to get through each day in one pi

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  • 01

    AITA for not opening the door for my in laws?

    I (30f) was home with my infant daughter on Friday, our last day before I returned to work. Normally she's very willing to nap in her crib, but I guess she was feeling the change Friday because she was NOT having it. It was everything I could do to get her to sleep in my arms, and every little wiggle disturbed her so I gave up laying her down and decided to enjoy a contact nap. And then my in-laws showed up, unannounced (but that's not the problem, I have no issue with them coming to see the bab
    via Cautious-Fly-7814
  • 02
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  • This was something that one new mom struggled with after a miscommunication led to her offending her in-laws. The grandparents came to her and her husband's house unannounced to bring a gift for the new baby, but she couldn't open the door for them because she was having a nap with her daughter, who had struggled to settle.

    Although she tried to call them and text them the code to open the door, they didn't check their phones and assumed that their daughter-in-law was being impolite. They expressed their displeasure to her husband, and she wondered if she was in the wrong.

  • 03

    "I tried to make enough eye contact to tell them to come back to the front"

    Next thing I know, they've walked around to the back patio door and are knocking there. I tried to make enough eye contact to tell them to just come back to the front and use the code or to pick up the phone, but i really can't see that door well from the couch and apparently they only saw me "look at them and then turn back around". (I turned my head back to my phone and texted BOTH of them the code and told them to come on in). Well they gave up. No replies to the texts and wouldn't answer the
    via Cautious-Fly-7814
  • 04

    "I hurt their feelings"

    But evidently they both told my husband they thought I was r de for looking at them and ignoring them, and that even though they understood that the baby was asleep, I hurt their feelings. I feel awful, but I really don't know what else I could've done without waking the baby after spending an hour and a half getting her to sleep! So.. AITA??
    via Cautious-Fly-7814
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Commenters were firmly on the side of the mom.

    Alarming Paper_8357 Drop-in guests have to deal with the reality that perhaps their presence, while welcome, is not exactly convenient at that particular moment in time. You tried to let them know how to come in. Shake it off :-)
    via Alarming_Paper_8357
  • 07
    Zealousideal-Bat708 Absolutely. Inlaws lucked out huge to have a DIL that was OK with drop by visits unannounced. Maybe they should have considered that and should have given DIL the grace she well deserved. I hope their actions have consequences.
    via Zealousideal-Bat708
  • 08
    Dense_Dress 1287 Maybe they should learn how cell phones work, to carry them, and answer them. Otherwise why have one? They are r de for not answering calls & texts to both of them, and then trying to play the victim and blaming you for being r de
    via Dense_Dress_1287
  • 09
    ThePhilV They're choosing to have hurt feelings. They know for a fact what happened, can see that you were texting them to let themselves in, and that you had a legitimate reason for not getting up. I'm not even remotely emotionally mature, and even I would realize that's not a reason to take any offense. I have such severe RSD that I spiral over seeing "read" on a text, and I would be fine with this situation. They're just looking for something to be mad about, you did nothing wrong. You're NTA
    via ThePhilV
  • 10
    Severe_Magazine_9958 New rule they are no loner allowed to come over unannounced. Problem solved.
    via Severe_Magazine_9958
  • 11
    Organic-Willow2835 This. It solves the problem. Text her, FIL and your husband all in a group chat. "MIL I'm so sorry your feelings were hurt. I simply didn't want to wake the baby who had been fussy all day and finally fell asleep. I tried texting you but unfortunately you did not see the text. I think from now on it would be best if you called before coming over so I can tell you whether its a good time since your feelings were hurt by my inability to answer the door. This will solve both of o
    via Organic-Willow2835
  • 12
    RelativeWatercress67 NTA girl you did your best and they shoulda just checked their phones fr.
    via RelativeWatercress67
  • 13
    different-take4u NTA, You and SO are being gaslit, mildly. They had the whole story in their phones so what they are saying is wrong and a lie. You are in the clear and they are in the wrong. For the future, perhaps they need to check by telephone or text before they come knocking on your door to prevent this from happening again. The responsibility is on them, totally. Do not accept this and do not apologize, you did nothing wrong, you even made multiple attempts to tell them how to come in. No
    via different-take4u
  • 14
    Alfred-Register7379 You're with an infant, and YOU'RE r de? Their words are wishy washy.
    via Alfred-Register7379
  • 15
    celticmusebooks What was your husband's expectation in telling you his parents had their feelings hurt? What are his thoughts on resolution and them doing better moving forward?
    via celticmusebooks
  • 16
    Actual-Swordfish1513 NTA. All could have been avoided if they messaged you ahead of time.
    via Actual-Swordfish1513
  • 17
    WhiteKnightPrimal NTA. They turned up unannounced, which you're fine with, but means you could have been out or busy or asleep. You tried to communicate with them. You tried to call them, you texted them, you tried to signal them from an awkward angle. You did everything you could short of waking the baby and going another hour and a half desperately trying to get it to fall asleep again. It's not your fault they either didn't have their phones or ignored them, and it's not your fault they misre
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • 18
    jensmith20055002 They can be as mad as they want! You literally texted them the code to the door! Too bad so sad. NTA NTA NTA
    via jensmith20055002
  • 19
    CatWombles NTA I've ignored countless phone call and door knocks because of a critical contact nap lol keeping baby from getting overtired is more important, don't feel bad you didn't do anything wrong.
    via CatWombles
  • 20
    Texas Yankee212 NTAH - If they would have called ahead of time......
    via TexasYankee212
  • 21
    satansbabygirl314 Your baby needed to rest. Who cares if their feelings were hurt? drama queens! NTA.
    via satansbabygirl314
  • 22
    Right_Cucumber5775 NTA. They need to grow up and quit whining to hubby.
    via Right_Cucumber5775
  • 23
    thisisstupid- I get you've always been nice about it in the past but now that you have a baby in the house you have to put boundaries in place about drop by guests, visits need to be arranged in advance or at least a phone call needs to be made to be sure that the baby is in the mood for a visit, and that you are in the mood. NTA but the open door policy needs to end.
    via thisisstupid-
  • 24
    Busy_Ad4173 They showed up unannounced. You were busy but still tried to accommodate them. You are NTA. But they sure are for running to your husband and not acting like grown ups. I'd recommend making a new rule that from now on they have to call ahead to find out if coming over is welcome and that they are expected. Give someone an inch, and they'll take a mile.
    via Busy_Ad4173
  • 25
    dplafoll NTA. FYI, "unexpected" and "guest" are very nearly mutually- exclusive in general, and if you have AN INFANT FFS then yes, they should've asked first, if nothing else to make sure they're not disrupting any number of infant-related activities. Then, if they own phones at all, they're AHs for not having their phones with them and for not checking those phones, especially during this whole situation when they might, you know, expect to be messaged on the phone. How in the world could they
    via dplafoll

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