16-year-old refuses to get coffee with her 17-year-old friend after she paid for her friend's $7 coffee 5 times and refused to pay her back: 'I told her that my monthly allowance had run out'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 18, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Asking someone to pay you back is a tricky dance. I really don't have a problem with Venmo requesting exactly how much someone owes me, but a lot of people aren't that financially confrontational. It's very common to have a "You get me this time, I'll get you next time" dynamic, and that's all well and good if you stick to your word, but a lot of people don't. There have been countless stories about people who lie about money problems to avoid paying. On the other side of the coin, there are young people who Venmo request their friends for food, only for it to be revealed that they used their dad's credit card to buy it and are pocketing their friend's money. It's easy for dishonest people to brush off these discrepancies in expenses as "not a big deal" because they aren't 4+ figure discrepancies, but that doesn't make that true. 

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  • The teen in this story has been covering coffee for her and her friend for weeks. Her friend is constantly suggesting they get coffee together, seemingly only because she knows her friend will foot the bill. Paying for someone's coffee isn't as significant when you have a big girl job, but in high school, your funds are minimal. 

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    via Meg Jenson

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    AITA for cancelling on my friend after she wouldn’t pay for our lunch?

    I 16F and my friend 17F (let's call her D) have been friends for about 3 years. We are very close and hang out outside of school very frequently. We agreed to meet each other for a couple hours to study for our ap test. For
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    context: every month my parents give me 100-200 dollars on a credit card so I can budget out what i'm going to spend for the month and D has been asking me almost every. single. day if I can get her coffee before school as I go very frequently. I'm going to
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    be honest it does bother me that she asks all the time considering she has a bigger amount of money than me and she could easily just go get one herself before school and she never offers to pay me back. So
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    via Alexander Grey

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    knowing this, I asked her if she could pay for the food at our hang out since I got her about 5 coffees this month without being payed back. She agreed at first and then said she couldn't anymore because she needs to buy a different friend a birthday present. I told her that my
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    monthly allowance had run out and that I couldn't go anymore. She seemed annoyed but I didn't want to ask if she was upset or bring up that I was upset. I feel like it's very selfish that she asks me for coffee almost every day but then won't pay for our most
    via u/sillypotato4
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    likely 20 dollar meal. She also asks other people for coffee when I say no and I feel really used just because I drive to school and she has a license and a car but her dad drives her.
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    UPDATE: she reluctantly agreed to pay after I told her I couldn't go if she wasn't paying and to answer some questions: the coffees are about 7 dollars each and I do get myself one too when I get her one and to be clear she has had
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    my back in the past and payed for big expensive meals once or twice when I really had no money she hasn't been asking for the coffees for very long only about a month or so.
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    Vast_Responsibility6 NTA But come on. You do realize she is using you, right? Stop saying yes. Seriously. Stop wasting your money on a fake friend who is using you for free coffee.
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    bdjct3336 What I want to see is what happens when OP says no more coffee runs going forward, do we think that the friend is gonna wanna hang out anymore? I'm betting not.
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    Wonderful_Two_6710 NTA. I had a friend like this many years ago, except it was rounds of b . It went on for a bit until I just directly said "It's your turn to start buying. Every other round is yours, or you can have water." He was ped for a bit, but got over it. If you can be taken advantage of, someone will find a way to do it.
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    TwinkieLambieDove Absolutely agree. OP did the right thing by putting up a boundary. Sometimes people need a direct wake-up call when they start taking advantage of others' kindness. If OP hadn't called it out, the pattern would've just kept going. Good on them for standing up for themselves.
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    sarratiger Info: You mentioned that she's paid for very expensive meals for you in the past. In your entire friendship, who do you think has spent more money on the other total?
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    sillypotato4 OP we usually split the costs of stuff like for example if we want boba and wings each one costs about 20 dollars so one person pays for the wings and the other pays for the boba but there has been an example of times where i couldn't pay for anything but she wanted to hang out so she
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    offered to pay for everything without the expectation of me paying back. i went and got her coffees after this to pay her back even though she didn't want me to and i didn't say it was for that so im thinking now that i set the precedent that ill buy her coffee whenever she wants. to answer though i think i've spent the most.
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    ladysdevil This is the sort of situation that can be tricky to navigate, especially if there is an income disparity. With really good friends of similar income, it can frequently be a case of I cover you, you cover me, it comes out as a wash in the long run. The problem is, it can be much harder to navigate when there is an income disparity between two parties. Your age means you don't have as much
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    experience with it, but you aren't the only one to struggle with whether you are being used if or if your acceptance of someone else covering the cost means you are using them. It may mean you need to sit down and have a conversation. Does your friend know that you have limited funds for the month, or at least more limited than herself? Have you suggested cheaper alternatives that are things you can afford? Is it possible that you both think you are the one who has spent the most on the other?
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    It is quite possible, that like a lot of replies here will say, that she is just using you. However, it is also possible that this is more of a miscommunication that is leading to hard feelings on both sides. If you have previously been good friends, then maybe try talking about it when things are calm.
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    KnitzSox "Sure, Jessica, I'll grab one for you. Go ahead and preorder on the app and I'll pick it up when I get mine."
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    Dopa-Down Syndrome If this isn't the most golden spoon aita I have ever read. 7 dollar coffees every day, has a car and drives to school, and 200 bucks a month allowance at 16. You don't know how good you have it. NTA but God d this is such a non-issue.
    via u/Dopa-Down Syndrome
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    cicadasinmyears Seriously. My eyes bugged out of my head when I saw $7 for coffee. I'm frugal and drink nearly 100% of my coffee at home, but when I do get one when I'm out and about, it's never more than $4. Then again, I don't do the whole triple-shot- two-pumps-of-flavour-whipped-cream-oat-milk- whatever horror shows that are 800 calories of liquid invert sugar masquerading as coffee.
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    gelfbo YTA Maybe, you put a zinger in update that "she has paid for big expensive meals in past". So she is not a complete leech like your main post infers. Not sure why you're judging her on her dad dropping here at school either. Just have a calm conversation and pay only for your own stuff from now on. You appear to be getting resentful around her resources, she maybe a leech but you had this dynamic where she has paid for big stuff so thought that was how your wallets operate. Have a convers
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friendship coffee shop teens teenager spending money teenagers friends paying friend finances coffee entitled allowance payment money entitled people
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