Boyfriend refuses to honor pregnant girlfriend's wishes and ban his "vanlife" friend from staying with them who leaves messes she has to clean up every time he visits: '[My boyfriend] a very awkward and weird thing to ask his friend'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 22, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

When you're staying with friends or family it's not like you're staying at a hotel, sure there's a certain amount of hospitality that you might receive, especially if you're visiting as a one off thing, but that doesn't mean your friends have a dedicated housekeeping service and any mess you leave around the place they're going to end up cleaning themselves. Even in hotels, which have housekeeping services, you still need to be considerate and not leave a mess just because you're too inconsiderate and lazy to clean up after yourself.

Further, while it's great to "live cheap" and "be frugal," it doesn't count if you're just taking advantage of other people's goodwill and leeching off of them in order to keep your own costs down. We've all had that friend or roommate who insists that they have no spending money ever and let you pay for them for things or help themself to your food and drinks. Then one day you come to find that they actually have a sizable amount of savings and have just somehow rationalized that putting all their money in their Savings account and none of it in their Checking account somehow entitles them to leech off of others.

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  • 01

    "AITA for saying my boyfriend's friend can't visit us now that I'm pregnant?"

    My boyfriend has a friend who is currently doing the whole #vanlifing thing and living out of his van. The past several months, this friend has been coming by our house a couple days a week. Each time he's here, he stays around 10 to 12 hours to use the shower, kitchen, washing machine, and WiFi. I've been unhappy with the lack of privacy and the extra work for quite a while, which my boyfriend is well aware of, but have been putting up with it because the friend is down on his luck and could us
    via idontevenknow47

  • This is a totally different situation if someone is actually in honest need of financial assistance or a place to stay to make ends meet, but even then, you'd hope that they'd be grateful and not entitled to it, and create even more mess for you to clean.

    If you're staying with someone consistently enough and using their resources, then you're pretty much a roommate, and there comes a point where the entire thing needs to be discussed and reconsidered. The fact that her boyfriend is unwilling to have this hard conversation with his “friend” for the benefit of the woman who is carrying his child shows how spineless he really is.

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    Cheezburger Image 10496849408
    via Brooke Cagle For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    However, now that I'm pregnant, I'm ready for this situation to end. I want to be able to lay on my couch without pants, not shove my giant, tired into a bra constantly, and talk about my private medical details with my partner without having to whisper about them in another room. I'm also just worn out in general, and
    via idontevenknow47
  • 04
    the friend is generating so much extra work. He comes into our home after doing construction jobs and tracks in tons of dust and dirt. Every time he showers he somehow leaves a thick coating of body hair all over the shower I have to clean up before I can shower again. After he uses the washing machine there's sticks and leaves and sand all over the laundry room. Not only
    via idontevenknow47
  • 05
    does he hog the kitchen when I want to cook meals sometimes, but he also leaves all his dirty dishes for me to deal with afterwards. Ideally, I'd have my boyfriend deal with the extra work, since he's the one who's inviting the dude over, but with his busier work schedule, most of the household work falls to me.
    via idontevenknow47
  • 06
    So to me, it's a no-brainer that the friend finds somewhere else to be for a couple months to give me some privacy and a break from the added work. However, when I brought this up to my boyfriend and told him it was time to set a boundary with the friend, he told me it was first of all, a very awkward and weird thing to ask his friend, and secondly, a cruel and insensitive
    via idontevenknow47
  • 07
    thing for me to request. He's willing to do so for me, but at the same time, is making it very clear he thinks I'm a monster for even asking him to do this. Is it actually reasonable for me to put a no-visitors rule in place for a few months or not?
    via idontevenknow47
  • 08
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: I have said that my boyfriend's friend cannot use our house as a place to shower/eat/wash clothes anymore even though the friend is essentially homeless. My reason for doing so is because I want less housework and more time to not wear pants, which my boyfriend argues are somewhat shallow reasons compared to how hard a homeless person's life is.
    via idontevenknow47
  • 09
    Prestigious_Fig 7338 It's your house and space. Friend has to find somewhere else to impose, now and after child arrives. OP, if moocher ever visits again, I'd also advise you not do ANYTHING to assist clean up, instead text a list of all that needs doing - due to moocher's dirt - to your partner, and have him do all the
    via idontevenknow47
  • 10
    clean up, no matter what hours he works, because the only reason he doesn't understand the load is because he isn't carrying most of the practical task load.
    via idontevenknow47
  • 11
    lujza_blaha INFO: Aside from the fact that the father of the baby you're expecting called you a monster.. What's his plan for when the baby comes?
    via idontevenknow47
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    bub-a-lub Is he vanlifing or is he living out of his vehicle? There's a difference. But either way a lot of places have facilities. that people can utilize when choosing to life a vanlife.
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  • 13
    NovelTeach NTA He has overstayed his welcome by being a horrible guest. These are just the consequences of his actions. As a grown adult, he shouldn't even have to be asked to scrape the grime
    via idontevenknow47
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    that falls off him and his clothes off the surfaces he dirties up. I'm picturing an adult Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip, and I definitely wouldn't have wanted him polluting the space I was trying to get ready for an infant, or have signed up to be his unpaid maid.
    via idontevenknow47
  • 15
    Historical-Hall-2... Great. Then your boyfriend can pick up and clean after his friend starting today. He doesn't care about how exhausting it makes you so you can also overlook how exhausting his work schedule is. That'll help him understand where you're coming from. Hopefully your partner can come to his senses and realize you're pregnant and shouldn't be stressing or doing so much work like that anyway.
    via idontevenknow47
  • 16
    MaterialMonitor... NTA. Even if he was courteous, put food in the fridge and cleaned up after himself, it would still be out of line to have what's essentially a third roommate in your space during the majority of your awake hours. This would be infuriating.
    via idontevenknow47
  • 17
    tictactoss NTA. This dude has been enjoying all the perks of being your roommate without paying rent, and has you being his maid on top of it, cleaning up after the messes he leaves? Hard NO. Question: Is the van life a choice he is making because he can completely use your resources at
    via idontevenknow47
  • 18
    his free will instead of being responsible for himself? He's basically living at your house 3+ days a week. If he is working construction, it seems he should be banking enough to get his own place, even if it is with roommates, instead of using your place as a partial crash pad. Your BF should be making you and your future child the priority, not his bro.
    via idontevenknow47
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    Cheezburger Image 10496849152
    via Sandra Seitamaa

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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friendship aita van life friends long term relationships reddit story relationships etiquette reddit thread dating
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