28-year-old newly-wed little sister refuses to be her older sister's maid of honor because the older sister skipped the younger sister's wedding last year due to her dog: 'I feel my role in her life was optional'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
May 4, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Dogs are like family to us. We say that over and over, and we really do mean it. They make everything better. Dogs bring us joy with their constant little shenanigans, dogs worry us just like any other family member if they get sick, and when dogs pass… it is a huge loss, an undeniable loss, a loss that we can't even think of most of the time. The day it happens to us, and we hope it'll take at least a million more years, we know that we are going to be devastated. We know that we will take time off, we know that we will mourn however we have to. 

But what if that happened two days before our sister's wedding? A wedding in which we are the maid of honor? The biggest day in our sister's life? We don't know. We're not sure how we would react to it, and we hope it never happens to us, because the fallout of this happening to these two sisters is something that we hope we will never have to experience with ours. 

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for telling my sister I wont be her maid of honor because she didnt come to my wedding due to her dog d*ing?"

    "It hurt. A lot. She missed one of the biggest days of my life, and I had no maid of honor."
    via Unsplash / Vasylyna Kucherepa - vasylyna_7010

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    This is a throwaway as friends know my main. So I (28F) got married last year. It was a small but beautiful ceremony with our closest family and friends. My older sister (32F) and I have always had a complicated relationship, we're close, but she's also extremely emotional and kind of dramatic. She was supposed to be my maid of honor.
    via PerfectAffect9213
  • 03
    Two days before my wedding, her 14 year old dog passed away unexpectedly. I was obviously sympathetic, but she called me sobbing, saying she couldn't emotionally handle coming to the wedding because she was too devastated. I tried to talk her down, even offered to have someone bring her home early if it was too much, but she refused and didn't show up.
    via PerfectAffect9213
  • 04
    It hurt. A lot. She missed one of the biggest days of my life, and I had no maid of honor. We didn't talk much after that. A few months ago, she got engaged and just last week asked me to be her maid of honor.
    via PerfectAffect9213
  • 05
    I told her I couldn't. I said I still felt hurt she missed my wedding, and while I love her, I just couldn't pretend like everything was fine. She got extremely upset, said I was being cold and petty, and that her dog was like her child. Our parents are pressuring me to just be the bigger person. I honestly don't know anymore. AITA for saying no?
    via PerfectAffect9213

  • This is a tough situation, and honestly, we don't know what we would have done. If one of our pets passed like that two days before such an important day, we don't know how we would have reacted. We can understand the dog owner's reaction. But we can understand her sister's reaction too. 

  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10498836480
    via Unsplash / Frederick Shaw

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • 07
    Youwhooo60 • 1d ago If you're doing this out of spite, then YTA. If you are sincerely declining because you don't want to uphold all the duties & obligations of being the maid of honor, then NTA.
    via Youwhooo60
  • 08
    PerfectAffect9213 OP • 1d ago That's fair, and I've wondered the same. I don't think it's purely out of spite it's more that I feel my role in her life was optional when she was grieving, but now she expects me to show up like nothing happened. I'm still hurt, and I don't know if I can genuinely be there for her in the way a maid of honor should be. I love her but she couldn't be there for me in one of my biggest moments
    via PerfectAffect9213

  • We agree that this has to do with motive, and whatever the little sister says… refusing does seem to be coming from a bad place. She says herself that she has not forgiven her older sister, and this is why she's refusing to be the maid of honor. But really, it might still be the right decision. The only thing worse than refusing to be the maid of honor is agreeing and then being a bad one. 

  • 09
    Associate Many102 • 1d ago It doesn't matter the reason, spite or not, anyone is allowed to decline being someone's moh without being judged an ah for saying no, ΝΤΑ
    via AssociateMany102
  • 10
    wundergoat7 • 1d ago Doing things out of spite, which is to say doing things with the intent of hurting another person, absolutely deserves to be judged.
    via wundergoat7
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10498836224
    via Unsplash / Valeriia Miller

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    Lebowski-Absteiger · 1d ago NOT doing things because you've been hurt before, is completely different than doing something to hurt someone.
    via Lebowski-Absteiger
  • 13
    gobacktocliches • 1d ago It's about intent - passive spitefulness is still spiteful.
    via gobacktocliches
  • 14
    closerupper • 1d ago I'm so tired of this "no one owes anyone anything" mentality. Yes, she's ALLOWED to decline. But if her reason is out of sheer pettiness? That's childish, selfish, and absolutely. makes her an a h le. They're sisters and by OP's own admission are close. To maintain a relationship with her, OP. owes her sister things like this. Being her maid of honor, or having a valid reason to say no. Saying no out of spite is not a valid reason.
    via closerupper
  • 15
    PinkNGreenFluoride 1d ago Gently, YTA. • I think she couldn't win, really. It was only 2 days after her dog passed. She wasn't ready. Either she skips your wedding and you're mad about that, or she comes to your wedding, breaks down and ends up drawing attention whether she really intends to or not. You'd probably be even madder about that. The fact of the loss sks, and the disruptive timings ks, too.
    via PinkNGreenFluoride
  • 16
    It's rough losing a beloved pet. And it's a disenfranchised loss - the reaction of too many is that it's "just" a dog, "just" a cat, etc. While it's not the same as a parent or a child, it's still a significant loss - especially so soon after the fact. And it's a being, a life you were responsible for, you know? It can be a complicated grief because there's often a guilt which comes with it, rational or not. You don't just bounce back in 2 days. I think that's what she was trying to express by s
    via PinkNGreenFluoride
  • 17
    For her wedding, you don't feel like you can fulfill the duties. So don't. But please don't let it be out of spite. I'm so sorry your wedding was affected by the loss of her dog. I wish you'd resisted the impulse to make sure it impacts her wedding, too. Now she's grieving all over again, not just the dog, but the damage to your relationship which is so clearly linked to that, when she should be preparing for her own wedding.
    via PinkNGreenFluoride
  • 18
    throwAWweddingwoe • 1d ago Some people are that attached to their animals that it is a genuine trauma when they pass. My husband is not dramatic or emotional and yet I anticipate him being to devastated to get out of bed when his elderly cat eventually passes. He loves her. Real genuine love and he isn't going to be okay when the light she brings into his life is no longer shining.
    via throwAWweddingwoe
  • 19
    Don't look at this as a dog passing, that diminishes the emotions involved. A beloved family member død suddenly 2 day before the event, if it was you, and you'd just lost a cherished family member do you think you would be able to drag yourself out of bed and fane happiness during a period of immense grief?
    via throwAWweddingwoe
  • 20
    RealTalkFastWalk 1d ago NAH. It was very bad timing but no one's fault. She would have been a terrible MOH while dealing with that initial grief, so it's probably for the best she wasn't there sobbing next to you. It sounds like she never acknowledged how much her absence hurt you though. If you can't be there for her in good conscience then declining is appropriate, however, the bitterness you hold against her won't be satisfied.
    via RealTalkFastWalk
  • 21
    Neither Ad_173 • 1d ago Might be controversial, but I'm going to say NAH. She's allowed to grieve her dog and be emotional. It may have been for the best that she wasn't there. You're allowed to be hurt she wasn't at your wedding. I do think you could be kinder in the way you speak about her, but I can also imagine that comes from a place of frustration.
    via Neither_Ad_173

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dogs drama reddit story doggo wedding sister reddit thread Maid Of Honor
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