'I'm a piggy bank rather than a partner': Boyfriend refuses to go on vacation with girlfriend after she fails to pay him back for their last two trips, she takes offense

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 2, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was in a much better financial state than I was. He had a serious job with a steady income, and I was still a student who barely managed to squeeze in 2 shifts a week to make enough money to get by. So when we went out on dates, he paid for the majority of them, and after a while, I started to feel quite uncomfortable, mostly because I didn't want him to think that I was trying to take advantage of him. So every time we would go out and he would pull out his wallet, I tried to make it super clear that one day I would repay him.

When we started talking about taking our first trip abroad as a couple, I was firm about waiting until I could actually afford it. Even though he could have easily paid for both of us and had me pay him back when I could, I didn't want to cross that line. It felt wrong.

And after reading the story below, I am more grateful for that decision than ever. 

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  • The boyfriend in the story below is at a loss because he feels he is being used as a piggy bank, rather than being treated like an actual boyfriend. While his girlfriend recklessly spends her money on outings and takeouts, he is left paying for everything else, including all their trips together. 

    But now, the situation has finally reached a boiling point, which has made the boyfriend put his foot down.

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    Cheezburger Image 10499859712
    via simpson33

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "WIBTA if I don't pay for my girlfriends share of our annual trip because she still hasn't paid her share from the last 2?"

    My GF and I (40's) have been together quite a while, but we're on different pages financially. I make considerably more than her (but she has a healthy middle class income), and I'm also much better at
    via That_Other_Login
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    managing my money. She has ADHD (medicated) and struggles with impulse spending. On top of this she comes from a well-off family who have historically not been
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    shy about floating her cash when needed. We live together and I pay about 2/3 - 3/4 of the household expenses so I feel we're equitable there
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  • 05
    Last year, we did two trips and I paid up front for them. We agreed on what her contribution to each was going to be (less than half the cost) and I put the tickets,
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    accom's etc. on my card. She agreed to pay me back when she could. To date - she's made 1 small instalment on her share. I haven't hassled her about it because I understand
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    her ADHD makes it hard for her to stick to budgets and have been mostly content to let her pay it back on her own time as she had some credit card debt she wanted to pay
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    off (I found out last week she has not moved significantly on the CC debt) I've been getting frustrated because it increasingly falls on me to pay for things that she
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    should be contributing to. For example she hasn't contributed to a vet bill for our dogs in over 2 years. If I ask, she'll tell me she has no money for it, but seems to
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    have enough money to order take-out for lunch most days. We've talked about her spending in therapy together (finance is an ongoing subject)
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    and our therapist has said that I'm going to have to draw a line in the sand and just say no at some point if she won't implement her own systems to manage her finances on her own.
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    Last night, we were talking about me taking a flight to go visit my family (parents & sibs). She asked where I was going to send her if I got to go for a flight and I was kind of
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    speechless, and I just tried to laugh it off and made a joke along the lines of I was still waiting on help to pay off the last trip we went on. She said she didn't believe she had any
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    debt, but would really like to go to Scotland for our next trip since we were talking about flights. I responded that I thought that would be great, and how much did she think
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    she'd have saved to contribute to that trip and she said "nothing, it's gonna be sponsored by BF." Maybe she was joking around but it left a bad taste in my
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    mouth. It's less about the money and more about the sense that she feels she shouldn't have to contribute that's really bothering me. It's the feeling that I'm a piggybank rather than a partner.
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    Cheezburger Image 10499859968
    via AndreyPopov
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    So if I say I won't front the - money for another trip somewhere until she starts honouring our existing agreements and contributing to the trip fund - WIBTA? I
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    don't want to feel cheap and I want to do things with her, but feeling like a piggybank s ks. Thanks
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  • 20
    TLDR: Girlfriend hasn't paid back agreed upon amounts from our last 2 trips but wants to start planning our next one. WIBTA if I refuse to take her somewhere?
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  • 21
    conquistador62a ADHD as an excuse to be a ddbeat is just that... an excuse. Unfortunately, you set yourself up into this role a long time ago; now, your gf sees you as a pushover piggy bank. In a way,
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    you really have nothing to complain about; you enabled her. So now you have to decide whether you're going to stop doing that or move on.
    via conquistador62a
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    There is one positive thing about putting a stop to this: you're about to find out whether she likes you for you or you for your bank account. God bless!
    via conquistador62a
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    Consistent_Ad_805 NTA, she isn't joking. If she hasn't paid in last years then why should she expect to pay. In her mind it's a precedent. You are already late for this but as your therapist said you do have to
    via Consistent_Ad_805
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    draw a line in sand. Lending money always breaks friendships and relationships. You have to be clear, sit down and communicate properly. Tell her you can't continue to contribute unless she pays back. Set up an automatic deduction from her bank account as a payment plan.
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  • 26
    ¡AceofSpade NTA. Op, you should reconsider this relationship. Stop paying for her trips or anything else if the expectation is that she is supposed to pay you back because you already know she won't.
    via iAceofSpade
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    Notnow12123 You are so lucky she revealed her true character before you got serious. This is more than poor money management. She is self centered and uses the excuse of traditional gender roles to exploit you. There is no justification for promising to pay but having no intention of doing so.
    via Notnow12123

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