First-time father to 3-month-old baby shuts down his mom’s demands for solo babysitting rights, after grandma disregards his parenting choices and invents feuds with in-laws: ‘she and my dad are not allowed to watch the baby alone’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
May 9, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Becoming a new parent is supposed to be focused on raising a tiny human, and it is for most. But for this couple, thanks to a grandmother whose hobby is emotional blackmail, the experience turned into an exhausting relay of boundary enforcement, guilt-trip marathons, and record-breaking comparisons to the in-laws-because nothing says "family bonding" like competing for custody of someone else's baby.

Here, the grandmotherly love language isn't lullabies or knit booties, but a steady stream of unsolicited medical conspiracy links and photo ops aggressively staged for her own social media clout. Forget about following the pediatrician's advice, because Grandma knows a three-month-old can totally handle a blueberry and probably a steak if she really wanted.

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  • Never mind that Grandma already gets invited to all the big events, baseball games, Disney trips, and free access to the grandchild with only one simple rule: don’t ignore the parents’ requests, and maybe stop threatening to sell the baby’s stuff as revenge. 

    But, any attempt to explain this becomes a fifty-minute monologue about family unity (and maybe a few unsubtle digs at the “other side’s” relationship status for good measure).
     

  • 01

    "My mom is demanding to watch my infant alone and is using guilt, manipulation, and comparisons to break our boundaries"

    "She's treating our daughter like an object she's entitled to"
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    I (33m) recently became a father to a beautiful baby girl, now 3 months old. Since her birth, my mother has been obsessed with the idea of watching her alone. Not just spending time with her- she wants unsupervised control.
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    When we don't allow it, she says we're "keeping" her granddaughter from her, even though she sees her at least once a week. We've told her she's
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    welcome to visit anytime-just check in to make sure we're free. But her response is always, "I shouldn't have to schedule time to see my grandchild.”
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    She constantly compares herself to my in-laws. My wife's dad watches our daughter three days a week while we work, and her godmother (a professional nanny) watches her the other two. This is
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    not about favoritism—it's trusted childcare while we're working. But my mom acts like it's some kind of competition she's losing.
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    We've made it clear: she and my dad are not allowed to watch the baby alone. And here's why:
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Boundary stomping and emotional manipulation. We asked her to stop sending us anti- vax conspiracy articles. Her response? "Fine, I'll sell all her
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    baby stuff and put the money into a medical fund for when she gets sick from the vaccines." Then she kept sending them, claiming
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    daughter will be au tic. She turned a basic boundary into a full-blown emotional blackmail campaign.
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    Disrespect for our values and choices. We rarely post our daughter's photos online. Everyone else asks permission― my mom just posts them without
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    asking. Every visit, she's more focused on getting photos of herself with the baby than on actually bonding.
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    Undermining our parenting. She's said things like "If your mom wasn't around, I'd give you a blueberry," and when I said our daughter can't eat solids yet, she
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    said, "Well, I think she should have some." Our pediatrician has been clear: formula or breast milk only until 6 months, and even then, single-ingredient foods.
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    She's now saying I'm "using my daughter as a weapon" against her. Yesterday, I was working from home because our childcare fell through. My dad came by to mow the lawn (they're our landlords),
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    and apparently told her I had the baby. An hour later she called, furious, demanding to know why she wasn't allowed to watch the baby instead. She said, "I'm just down the street!" and told me,
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    "You should be at work, not working from home." Then the guilt trip: "Everyone else gets to watch her but me." (Which isn't true-only her godmother and my in-laws do, as part of actual childcare.)
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    She's treating our daughter like an object she's entitled to, not a human being we're responsible for. It's exhausting to constantly defend our choices as parents and as adults.
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    I know this pattern. She's always played the victim, twisted things around, and used guilt to get her way. Now that I'm a parent, I see it so much more clearly.
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  • 22
    Thanks for reading. I guess I just needed a space where someone else would understand what this kind of pressure and guilt feels like.
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    Update: my mother had me come e over to talk. I was very direct with her. Her is a rough outline of what happened:
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    Guilt tripped with saying "we're a family and we do so much for you" (multiple times in the 45 minute convo) Continues to rebut why she can't watch my daughter solo after I explained the lack of respect of current boundaries and trust due to her always going against what's asked.
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    I addressed about her comment towards "I'd give you a blueberry but I know you're mama would be mad" Talked about how they should have unsupervised time rights as first time grandparents and how we (the parents) get so much time alone.
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    Mentioned they can't bond with my daughter with us around. Continues to compare the time my in laws spend versus them Claimed i don't love them and my wife hates them. Wouldn't address my wife by name but by "her/she/your wife"
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    How they're excluded from things even they'd been invited to the baseball game and Disney vacation
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  • 28
    My mom claims we "don't tolerate them" and that we "tolerate people from All these other cultures". I feel that this is because her nanny/ one of her godmother watches her is black and her other godmothers are a black lesbian couple but we cannot confirm. I pointed out that they don't respect me and when she said "but I should be able to talk about what I want" I pointed out that is true however if one person is saying "talking about this will cause issues/problems/hurt” then we shouldn't discus
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    She told me she's been crying/angry/and not sleeping. Sherry said that "i should want to stand up for his side of the family" My mom mentioned that my brother and his wide also have feelings that they see his best friend's child more than my daughter. Me and my wife have repeatedly said they can come see her anytime and have invited them over several times.
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    I left feeling as though low/medium contact initiated by my mom due to her words being "I just won't talk to you anymore about anything but you can reach out to us." When i left and said "I love you" she responded with "yeah".
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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