18-year-old girl neglects to pay $100 to retrieve her towed car, her father pays if for her and her mom flips out, takes away her keys: 'Her dad thinks I am being too harsh'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 15, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Childhood is all about learning lessons. When you're a baby, you put everything in your mouth so you learn a lesson about what you should and shouldn't put in your mouth. When you're a kid, you break everything possible to learn about what breaks easily and what doesn't. When you're a teenager, you do all manner of stupid stuff with the hope that you'll learn not to do as much stupid stuff when you get older. We're learning all the time by trying and failing. It's the human way. If we never made mistakes, then we wouldn't ever learn anything. 

You may know in the back of your mind not to trust gas station sushi, but you won't know for sure to avoid it until you've had a bad experience with it yourself. We humans are experiential learners. This is especially true when we're in adolescence. It's a ripe time for all of that.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for not letting my daughter drive until she pays for her mistake?

    I co-parent my daughter Ava, 18f, who has just passed her driving test, and my ex and I bought her a car. Within a week of owning it, Ava parked in a tow-away zone, and it was towed. I told her to take responsibility for her mistake and pay the $100 fee, as her insurance doesn't cover it, warning her that they can add all sorts of fees if she waits too long.
    via u/According_Let_7667

  • That's why one mom didn't want her daughter to miss out on learning a valuable lesson when she neglected an expense. She wanted her to remember what it was like to try and fail. The problem came when her dad came in and solved the problem. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10505765632
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Ava had booked a weekend away with some friends and had already paid for her share of the hotel and transport, so I told her to use part of the fun money she saved for the trip on the fee. She still had time to pick up an extra shift at work to make it up before the trip, or go away with $100 less.
    via u/According_Let_7667
  • 04
    She chose not to pay, as my husband and I refused to, and by the time she came back from the trip, she got hit with a ~$300 something bill as they added a daily storage fee, and a hook-up fee. I told her that her actions have consequences and that I had warned her and she was old enough to drive, so she needs to take full responsibility.
    via u/According_Let_7667
  • 05
    She told her dad, who paid off the towing company for her, and I am upset that she hasn't learnt a lesson from this. I tried to speak to my ex, but he said she made a mistake and it's only money which can come back any time. I have since confiscated her car keys, telling her to pay me the towing fee instead, and her dad thinks I am being too harsh, after Ava called him to complain about me.
    via u/According_Let_7667
  • 06

    Commenters saw all angles of this dispute.

    anglflw⚫ 15h ago I think that you were right about making Ava pay for the tow charges, but I also think you should have communicated that with her dad, too, so you'd both be on the same page. However, it's done now, and I'm not sure that you keeping her keys is the right way to go about it. I am also not sure what is.
    via u/anglflw
  • 07
    SkiPhD 15h ago . I think you should've paid the $100 fee, gotten the car out of impound, and refused to give her the car back until she reimbursed you. That's what I would've done...
    via u/SkiPhD
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10505765888
    via Marc Pell
  • 09
    throw121421 • 15h ago Esh. This is just co parenting troubles. I don't think you're wrong. I also don't think her dad is wrong. You both are right for the views you have. Problem is, it doesn't align together.
    via u/throw121421
  • 10
    I would say, having her pay you that money that her father already paid...that's a no go. why does she need to pay you? Just to learn a lesson? That will do nothing but hurt your relationship. I'd talk to your ex and make up a plan for any more scenarios as such so you are both on the same page. It's bound to happen again or something like a ticket, etc. she'll learn.
    via u/throw121421
  • 11
    Zandonah 15h ago All of the above? NTA for the original stance. YTA for asking her to pay you what her dad has already paid, he's the AH for undermining what you said but on the other hand if you hadn't talked to him about it then ESH.
    via u/Zandonah
  • 12
    I guess she did learn a lesson - go to dad because he'll bail her out and she won't have to deal with consequences. One day he will (hopefully) get sick of bailing her out and refuse, and then she'll (hopefully) learn the lesson you tried to give her this time.
    via u/Zandonah
  • 13
    San... • . 14h ago Edited 14h ago You want to teach her that actions have consequences, while failing to accept consequences for your own actions. YTA
    via u/SaneForCocoaPuffs
  • 14
    "She told her dad" YOU should have discussed this with her dad. Half of the car purchase was his. Any decisions and situations involving the car should be discussed by both of you. Instead you kept him in the dark until the cost went up to $300.
    via u/SaneForCocoaPuffs
  • 15
    You said she had time to get an extra shift plus the weekend and in all that time you didn't say a thing. Then the first thing he hears is that the car is impounded with a $300 fee. Of course he paid it. He's not undermining you, he just acted based on available information.
    via u/SaneForCocoaPuffs
  • 16
    And now when faced with the consequences of your poor decision making, you go on a power trip. Like mother like daughter. You are trying to teach your daughter a lesson you haven't learned yourself. The actual lesson you are teaching is "I am always right no matter what I do"
    via u/SaneForCocoaPuffs
  • 17
    LibraryMegan • 15h ago Frankly, she's an adult and the car belongs to her. I don't think you're really in a position to keep her from driving. It's unfortunate dad bailed her out, but there's nothing you can do about it.
    via u/LibraryMegan
  • 18
    West_House_2085. 15h ago Absolutely not too harsh. She scewed up. Then she didn't fix the problem when it was small. These are natural consequences. NTA
    via u/West_House_2085
  • 19
    InstructionTop4805 · 15h ago You gave her a very reasonable solution to her mistake. Pay now or the fine and fees will continue to accrue. She chose to not do that, her father paying the money does not teach her anything. As parents our job is not to shield our children from the
    via u/InstructionTop4805
  • 20
    consequences of a mistake, it's to teach them to make correct decisions even when they have made a mistake. You are NTA. But her father is not doing her any favors by not making her pay for her mistake.
    via u/InstructionTop4805
  • 21
    • ScaryButterscotch474 · 11h ago YTA the towing fee has been paid by your ex. Why are you shaking your daughter down for $300? This is not a daughter problem. This would be a co-parenting problem but your daughter is 18 so now it's not your problem. Stop butting in.
    via u/ScaryButterscotch474
  • 22
    evhanne 15h ago . You have an adult daughter and you bought the car along with your ex. You are in no position to unilaterally decide to withhold Ava's car from her. YTA
    via u/evhanne
  • 23
    _unloved . 14h ago Gonna go against the grain and say YTA. If she needs to pay anyone back, it's her dad. Dad shouldn't have paid for her, but it's his choice to do dumb stuff if he wants to.
    via u/____unloved____
  • 24
    She's a legal adult. If that's her car, you shouldn't take her keys. And forcing her to pay you just to learn a lesson is short-sighted. My mom bailed me out of a few dumb choices and I wasn't a worse person for it, but ofc not everyone is the same.
    via u/____unloved____
  • 25
    • Accomplished_Two1... 14h ago I think the opportunity for her to learn a lesson on this one is past. Give her back her keys and tell her all responsibility for the car is on her. If her dad wants to clean up after her, that's on him. But unless it's something that wasn't her fault, let her assume all the costs of her actions.
    via u/Accomplished_Two1611
  • 26
    Legal-Radio7737 · 15h ago Who is paying the insurance bill? Who is the car titled to? We gave our daughter a car and it was titled her and my husband and we paid the insurance. Pieces are missing in this.
    via u/Legal-Radio7737
  • 27
    Shortestbreath · 12h ago YTA you have no right to the car or that money. She is an adult and you are mean and petty that you didn't get your way. Your entire purpose is to punish her because you want her to suffer for her choices and her dad helped her out instead. Shame on you, your daughter deserves better.
    via u/Shortestbreath
  • 28
    No-College4662 · 11h ago Mom, you're going about this the wrong way so take a step back. Ava doesn't have to be perfect just because she's 18. And why are you holding her keys hostage for money this situation.
    via u/No-College4662

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

childcare coparenting teens aita kids teenagers moms driving parenting dad divorce reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article