17-year-old tells her 9-year-old foster sister that she ruined Mother's Day because she clung to her mom the whole day: 'Lola was overwhelmed, so she made my mom stay in her room with her.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 17, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Being a foster parent is a huge undertaking. Kids and teens who are going through the foster care system usually have extremely complex problems that you wouldn't typically encounter with a child who hasn't been raised in that system. They need a lot of additional support, and sometimes giving that support can come at the cost of other priorities. Foster parents often need extremely flexible jobs that allow them to be home whenever their kids are home, or leave at the drop of a hat when an emergency arises. Some foster parents start neglecting their children's needs in favor of their foster children because they perceive them as being more stable and less in need. Of course, in many cases, they are more stable, but that doesn't mean that they should be pushed to the side and ignored just because their life is not as difficult as that of their foster siblings. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my foster sister she ruined Mother’s Day?

    I'm (17f) the youngest of 6 kids. I'm the only one still at home full time and my parents decided the house felt too empty so they started fostering Lola (9) a few months ago. Lola's cute but she's kinda a pain in the al
    via u/ruined-mothersday

  • The teen in this story is struggling with her mom prioritizing her foster sister's needs. On Mother's Day, her mom had to spend the whole day with her foster sister because she's so attached to her. Instead of telling her mom how she felt privately, the teen went for the jugular. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10506588672
    via Frank Flores (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    We have a big sectional recliner. Lola refuses to sit on the couch with us so she has her own chair that is off limits to everyone else. If I want to go out to eat it has to be with my dad or when my oldest sister (29) is available to babysit because restaurants are too much for Lola. If we get
    via u/ruined-mothersday
  • 04
    takeout she stays in her room and won't come out to eat until the rest of us are done. The only way she'll eat with us is if my mom cooks so we have to do that almost every night. She hides food in her room, which attracts bugs but she has a huge fear of
    via u/ruined-mothersday
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10506588928
    via Planet Volumes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    bugs so they've switched her room twice and have it deep cleaned every week to stop it from getting infested with bugs. She's also extremely attached to my mom and my oldest sister so if they're around everything revolves around her.
    via u/ruined-mothersday
  • 07
    On Sunday we had a big Mother's Day party with our entire family. All of my siblings, most of my aunts uncles and cousins, and my grandparents came over. Everyone was in the backyard but Lola was overwhelmed so she made my mom stay in her room with her. My oldest sister tried to step in but that ended with both of them having to stay with her.
    via u/ruined-mothersday
  • 08
    After everyone left I found my mom and Lola in the kitchen making Lola's mac and cheese and dino nuggets and I told Lola that she completely ruined Mother's Day for us by clinging to my mom.
    via u/ruined-mothersday
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10506589184
    via Leanna Myers

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    She started crying and went to her room. She hasn't left her room since I said that and apparently my mom's having a hard time getting her to eat so now my parents are p ed with me. I don't think I did anything wrong because I just told her the truth but I wanted to see if I was the a for saying that.
    via u/ruined-mothersday
  • 11
    27ARCardin Sounds to me like some therapy is in order for all of you. Especially your foster sister and how your mom and sister are handling her. It seems like they don't really know how to deal with this situation properly. I'm going to give you a little bit of grace because | understand where you are coming from even if the situation isn't as black and white as you might think it is. Also your parents shouldn't be fostering just because the house is too empty lately. I'm going to say NAH.
    via u/27ARCardin
  • 12
    BxAnnie Agreed. I'm shocked, frankly, that the home qualified as a foster home for a child clearly experiencing trauma as well as behavioral issues. Where is the training and therapeutic assistance for this family? The fact is OP is suffering tremendously with the introduction of a young child unaccustomed to the family's lifestyle. Just by virtue of being in foster care, the child has suffered trauma and OP's parents are ill-equipped to handle that.
    via u/BxAnnie
  • 13
    While OP's reaction on Mother's Day may seem immature, I think it was an appropriate reaction for a 17 year old whose life has been upended because of her parents' savior complex. NTA. But her parents are.
    via u/BxAnnie
  • 14
    i_was_a_person_once Come on, let's be real. A home with no other fosters, two solid parents who raised 6 kids already. They were probably the absolute best environment-and by a big margin, for a
    via u/i_was_a_person_once
  • 15
    traumatized kid who they had hopes could be rehabilitated for lack of a better word. They definitely should have been given resources for therapy or counseling but let's not pretend there are plenty of options for foster placements
    via u/i_was_a_person_once
  • 16
    Elros22 Exactly. This sounds like the ideal foster placement. And I promise you that the child has a therapist. I work in this field and there is never a situation where a child is placed in foster care and does not have mandatory therapy, at least in my state.
    via u/Elros22
  • 17
    beetleink Helping a likely traumatized child feel safe and secure is fine actually. The mom and older sister are doing fine. The parents probably had many more reasons to foster than simply being bored.
    via u/beetleink
  • 18
    hatterson Lola is behaving like she does (hoarding food, clinging, etc.) because of trauma she has experienced in the past. She's not just being a random needy kid, she has almost assuredly faced neglect and abandonment before (beyond just the fact that she's in the foster system). That obviously doesn't make it easy to be a sibling in that situation, but sometimes context can help turn the view of "she's an annoying little kid" to "she's been deeply hurt and my family is trying to help her heal
    via u/hatterson
  • 19
    Anyway, on the specific situation, I'll say soft YTA for how harsh the delivery was, but overall it's also hard to blame a 17 year old for suddenly having to adapt to a new sibling that upended everything. Did you/your parents have a lot of conversations about the change that having a foster would mean and the challenges that come along with it?
    via u/hatterson
  • 20
    wicked-writer Why did your mother have a huge party when her foster child can barely tolerate the residents in the household being in the home with her? OP, I don't care if you are or aren't an AH. What I care about is that your mother is incapable of taking care of this particular foster child. She is enabling this behavior as it's feeding her need (not to have an empty nest and have someone entirely dependent on her/need her above all others/run to her for shelter) and that is toxic af.
    via u/wicked-writer
  • 21
    Mom's job is not only to NOT enable these behaviors, but to help this child, but instead she purposefully created a triggering event which made her the savior for the day, hiding out in the room because the foster child "Needed" her, with all of the party-goers playing witness to how needed she is as a mother/savior to this child. OP, you don't have a foster kid problem, you have a Mom problem.
    via u/wicked-writer
  • 22
    Elros22 This take is incorrect in so many ways. Nothing in the post above nor in what OP has shared since says toxic at all. It shows a foster parent who is attempt to help a child who has been in foster care for only a few months. We don't know if mom should or shouldn't be "enabling" these behaviors because we are not the child's therapist. In many instances, enabling this behavior is exactly what the child needs! Ignore this comment OP. It is just wrong, from top to bottom.
    via u/Elros22
  • 23
    absentmindedlurking I don't think I did anything wrong because I just told her the truth Maybe it was the truth but you're 17, she's 9. You must realize that regardless of if its the truth, the way you said that was mean so of course she's upset. YTA for the delivery. Idk but my guess is your mom would've rather you been nice to your foster sister on mother's day.
    via u/absentmindedlurking
  • 24
    Suspicious_Fox_9612 Maybe she told her truth but that doesn't mean it was everyone's truth. Mom may enjoy feeling needed and helping a traumatized child. She spent Mother's Day mothering a child she chose to come into her life. I'm sorry OP was hurt, genuinely, and her mother needs to take special time with her too. But just bc the day didn't go how she wanted doesn't mean her mom's day was ruined, and it is her "mother's" day. It's right there in the title.
    via u/Suspicious_Fox_9612
  • 25
    Ok_8890 I'm going to go against most comments here. Your parents should have considered your feelings in bringing in a foster child when you still have needs. They could have waited a year until you are done with high school to foster such a high needs child. I think you lashed out because you didn't sign up for this. It's not the foster child's fault, she clearly has some trauma but it seems like your parents forgot you were still home and have feelings and needs too.
    via u/Ok_8890

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foster kid family drama foster mom kids mother teenagers siblings foster mothers day parenting family sister mom fostering parents children
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