‘I will be going with or without him': Wife refuses to spend a 3rd consecutive Christmas with her in-laws after missing her home country for years, she responds to her MIL's guilt-tripping by booking a solo flight to visit her family

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
May 29, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

After years of enduring the guilt-trips and the weekly gathering at the in-laws' house, this woman had had enough. Missing her family who lived abroad in another country, she yearned for the familiar warmth of her biofamily. If only there were some way to get over there and see them without stepping on any oversized toes…

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  • Overbearing mother-in-laws are a trope in our society's histories because they're so unbelievably common. You'd think that with half the population being female and 50% of those people being moms at a certain point, the MIL-zilla thing would be phased out because of general distaste. Nobody likes being bombarded or overlorded by their monster-in-law, yet we hear so many stories of this going down. 

    Perhaps women whose son marries have a special need to ruin their son's wife's autonomy. However, the woman in this next story decidedly stole the reins of her own life out of the clutches of her in-laws when she took the holiday plans by storm. 

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    via Vlada Karpovich

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • AITA for refusing to go to my in-laws for Christmas this year and booking a flight to see my family instead?
    via Nadia_White
  • Me (23F) and my husband (25M) agreed to an arrangement when we got married that we would take it in turns to spend Christmas with our family's i.e. one year with his family, the next with mine, then his again etc.
    via Nadia_White
  • For context before I explain - his family are nice enough, but they are highly emotional and quite manipulative people (his mum and sister mainly) and can be quite overbearing (we have to go
    via Nadia_White
  • to his home every Sunday for lunch and spend the whole day there, if we miss it once it's the end of the world for him and them). One time we missed it
    via Nadia_White
  • because I didnt want to go (feeling lazy), he told his mum and she sent me a horrible text saying I'm unappreciative. Also for context, his mum has been sick (she had a small heart attack
    via Nadia_White
  • in September of last year - I am sympathetic but she's been fine since then). Also for context, I am from a different country and am living with him in his home country, my family are all still in my home country.
    via Nadia_White
  • We got married two years ago, and the first year we spent Christmas with his family (his mum insisted that we go to theirs first). Last year we were supposed to both spend it with my family. I
    via Nadia_White
  • knew they would cause problems, and as expected, at the beginning of December he went to see his family one day without me, and when he came back he said he couldn't spend Christmas with my
    via Nadia_White
  • family. He said that his mum is ill and there's a chance she won't be around next Christmas (this year). I was concerned obviously, but he said nothing has changed with her condition, the heart attack was
    via Nadia_White
  • just really scary and it's possible. In the end, we both ended up staying with his family again at Christmas. I was really excited to go to see my family this year (we live in his home country so I rarely
    via Nadia_White
  • get to see my family and they were really excited but I got guilt tripped. Okay so, fast forward to this year. His mum is fine and we're talking
    via Nadia_White
  • about Christmas (because flights to go back to my home are getting more expensive). He asked me why I'm looking at flights, that it's his family's turn to have us at
    via Nadia_White
  • Christmas. I said no, we were there last year, but he's saying that yes, we were, but it's the third year, so technically it's his family's turn, because we were meant to go to my family last year
    via Nadia_White
  • but we didn't, and that's not his or his family's fault. I said that no, I only did that because I wanted to spend Christmas with him and because his family were guilting me, and that this year it was my family's turn.
    via Nadia_White
  • We argued, and in the end I went ahead and booked a flight to my home for Christmas, and told him if he doesnt want to go then okay but I will be going with or without him.
    via Nadia_White
  • Cheezburger Image 10507737856
    via Vlada Karpovich

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 1962Michael NTA. His family Christmas isn't like the Olympics, on an alternate-year schedule planned out decades in advance. Your interpretation is the correct one.
    via 1962Michael
  • Yes, you should have made this clear when you agreed to not see your family last Christmas, but it should be obvious. In child custody cases, they often
    via 1962Michael
  • alternate holidays. But if one co- parent got a concession one year, it would be "made up" the following year. Technically since he got 2 in a row, you should get 2 in a row to make up for it. THAT should be your position, and then you can "compromise" on just switching odds and evens.
    via 1962Michael
  • axels_mom Wow. NTA. You need to sit your husband down and have a real conversation. Every Sunday at his parents house? Why? Maybe like once a month if you absolutely need it. That would drive me
    via axels_mom
  • crazy. Like the weekend is your time to relax from the work week and now you have to go there. That needs to change. What happens if you want to have kids in the future? Thats a lot to do
    via axels_mom
  • every week when you could just relax at home. And he needs to learn to put you ahead of his family now. Once you marry, you create a new family unit. Each other come first, along with any kids you may have. Parents are second. That needs to be addressed.
    via axels_mom

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