60-year-old grandmother tries to "retrain" 3-year-old grandson to speak with a lower voice behind mom's back: "That squeaky voice won't serve him well. Boys need to sound strong"

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    My mom tried to "retrain" my toddler behind my back because she didn't like his voice

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    I (27f) have a 3-year-old son. He's bubbly, silly, and has this adorable high-pitched voice. He sings to the dog. Narrates his toys. Says things like, "Oh no! The broccoli is lonely!" Pure sunshine.
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    My mom (60f), who I've always had a complicated relationship with, offered to watch him for a weekend while I worked a shift. When I picked him up, he was quiet. Not just shy, like, unnaturally reserved.
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    I asked her what was going on, and she said, “I'm trying to help him develop a more normal tone. That squeaky voice won't serve him well. Boys need to sound strong."
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    Y'ALL. She'd been correcting him all weekend. Making him repeat sentences in a "lower register." Telling him not to "talk like a baby" every time he got excited.
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    I lost it. I scooped him up and told her if she ever tried to edit my child's personality again, she'd lose both of us. Hot take: If a child's joy makes you uncomfortable, you're not nurturing, you're controlling.
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    Tiny_Jumping_Beans The effort it would take me to not go scorched earth over this. I'm so p ed. I hope he's back to normal now that he's home with you. My 3 year old has a high pitched voice too. He's the silliest of geese. I wouldn't leave them alone together again.
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    gracesw - Children especially children in this age group naturally have high pitched voices. It's a physical attribute that changes over time as they age and grow. I'm not sure why OP's mom was projecting so hard when it came to this toddler, but she's nuts.
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    DamnitGravity If a child's joy makes you uncomfortable, you're not nurturing, you're controlling. Damn, I need to remember that one. Though I might amend it to apply to adults, too.
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    TheRoseByAnotherName If someone's joy annoys you, the problem is probably you.
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    Ok_Play2364 Does your mom have mental issues? His voice will change at puberty
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    Gladfire Before I say anything I want to emphasise the mother is in fact psychotic to do this to a toddler. But it sounds like it's not the vocal depth but where the kid is speaking from. I don't know the correct term for it but it's like where you can feel your voice coming from in your head, throat, and chest.
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    There is some benefits for guys in training this in terms of how people percieve you and I wish I'd trained it earlier in life but for most people it's not a big deal. It's also useful for singing, not that I'm not still trash at it.
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    Duckforducks She could give your child speech issues. You need to stay firm on this and make sure it never happens again. What a heartless and moronic woman.
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    Old_tshirt72 You're not asking, and this is going to make me sound & feel old, but do you remember the YouTuber, Fred? He literally made a career out of a
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    high pitched voice. Brought smiles to millions of kids faces. If your son keeps being self conscious, maybe show him some examples of why his voice is something to be proud of
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    swizzleschtick ... he's THREE. Three year olds have high pitched little voices. Was she expecting a toddler to sound like James Earl Jones???
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    JanetInSpain Never ever let her be alone with him again. You're going to have to work hard to undo the damage she's already done.
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    rapt2right He's THREE...he doesn't need to "sound strong", he needs to develop his imagination, pronunciation and vocabulary in that order! Your mom is nuts.
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    If he's still being too quiet, try some interactive sing-along songs like The Hokey Pokey, The Wheels on the Bus & If You're Happy and You Know it...the
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    combo of singing and movement helps most kids forget to be self conscious because their brain is too engaged for those thoughts (this is often an effective way to short-circuit a pending tantrum, too.
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    Mother Of Dachshunds42 I doubt she's a qualified vocal coach
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    CherryCherry5 !! He's 3, not 30!!! She's insane.
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    Plants Succs That's definitely frustrating. I'm a little more jaded when it comes to complicated and painful family relationships, but honestly ask yourself what is the real benefit of allowing your son around your mom again/allowing her another chance to exist around
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    him if your relationship with her is already complicated? To me I'd cut and run and not look back. It may be trickier for you to be able to do but typically older people don't have the ability to change as much at this point. Believe me I wish change would be easier but acceptance and limited contact may have to be the course of action to take for your sense of peace

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