28-year-old daughter ruins brother-in-law's birthday party by eating the cake alone during preparation, parents refuse to confront her about it: ‘We can't control her’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jun 6, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Every child dreams of the moment they will be finally free of having to answer to their parents' rules and regulations. Most assume that the moment arrives when they turn 18 years old, but we often learn that is not exactly the case. Even after you turn 18, and even after you move out for the first time, you often find yourself back under your parents' wing later in life. Whether it is by moving back in or by simply turning to them for guidance, your parents' affect lingers way beyond the finish line you imagine you reach when you finish high school.

However, there should be a point where children stand on their own two feet without leaning heavily on their parents, and it could be a major red flag if that does not happen by a certain age. Just like in dating, nobody wants to date a person who still lives with their parents when their 30, that should be a clue for when it is the right time to fully spread your wings and leave your parents' nest.

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  • The 28-year-old daughter in the story below has yet to leave her parents' nest, and something about their arrangement is definitely not healthy for either side. The parents are supporting their kid's unhealthy eating habits, and they refuse to confront her about it, which is affecting the rest of the family, including their other daughter.

    Keep scrolling to read the full story…

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    Cheezburger Image 10513595648
    via Norman Milwood

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for blowing up at my parents for something my adult sister did?

    I (26F) have a sister, "Amy" (28F), who has always had a difficult relationship with food. She was bu ied as a kid and turned to food for comfort. As an adult, she still struggles with self-control,
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    especially around things she finds appetizing. Our parents have never set boundaries with her around food, and that's carried into adulthood—she currently lives with them, and they do all the grocery shopping and cooking.
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    My husband (28M) recently had a birthday, and I planned a surprise party. I sent him out of the house for a few hours so I could set up and asked my parents to come help. I specifically asked them not
    via ProfessionalClear792
  • 05
    to bring Amy setting up involved putting out snacks, drinks, and a homemade cake with frosting. They showed up with Amy anyway, saying it wouldn't be fair to exclude her. I gave her a few
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    small tasks and specifically asked her not to touch any of the food until guests arrived, but I was too busy to keep a constant eye on her.
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    At one point, I went into the kitchen and found Amy with the fridge open, eating the frosting out of the mixing bowl. She had eaten nearly half of it. As soon as she saw me, she burst into tears
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    and said she only meant to try a little but couldn't stop. My parents heard us and came in. My mom said it wasn't that big of a deal since the cake was untouched and I still had enough
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    frosting for a crumb coat, but I had planned to do specific cake decorations, and now there wasn't enough frosting; I didn't have the time or ingredients to make more. My dad suggested
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    going to the store to buy a tub of pre-made frosting, saying it was the same thing. I explained my husband tries to avoid a lot of the ingredients found in store- bought frosting and wouldn't
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    want that. My dad said to just not tell him since he "wouldn't even know the difference". That suggestion was super frustrating to me. I told my
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    parents that they couldn't convince me that this was no big deal, and that they had allowed this by not setting boundaries with Amy's binge eating and by bringing her to set up. They told
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    me to back off and be more sensitive to my sister, and that it wasn't her fault. I responded by saying that I was more angry at them, because at least Amy felt bad while they were trying to downplay the situation.
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    Cheezburger Image 10513601024
    via DragonImages

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    They got upset and said it wasn't fair to blame them for Amy's choices, and that she was an adult and they can't control her. They also said that they were trying to help by giving
    via ProfessionalClear792
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    suggestions, and that I was being stubborn by shutting all of them down. They ended up leaving, and now they're giving me the silent treatment, even though Amy has apologized for eating the frosting. AITA for involving them in this?
    via ProfessionalClear792
  • 17
    HN Z NTA You knew this could be a problem. You asked your parents to leave Amy at home. Your parents refused. You asked them to keep her out of
    via HN**Z
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    the kitchen. They refused. Amy ruined your plans for the cake and your parents gave unhelpful suggestions. And they're mad because... you were right? Because you spoke up? Nope.
    via HN**Z
  • 19
    blueswan6 NTA Because you requested that they not bring her to help setup and they did. When they brought her, one of them should have stayed with her.
    via blueswan6
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    That being said Amy is now 28 and aware of her problem. She has to own that. If she's not in therapy that's something that she needs to be in. She should have declined coming if she thought she wouldn't be able to control herself.
    via blueswan6
  • 21
    Wonderful_Two_6710 NTA. Amy can apologize all she wants, but she's a grown woman who chose to do exactly what you asked her not to. She's an AH. And so are your parents. Enjoy the silence.
    via Wonderful_Two_6710
  • 22
    When they eventually call, ask them first thing if they're calling to apologize. If not, say "Bye" and hang up.
    via Wonderful_Two_6710
  • 23
    barryburgh Gee..I wonder why they didn't want to exclude Amy from the setting up? Could it have been because she would have binged on
    via barryburgh
  • 24
    THEIR refrigerator goodies while they were at your house. GO NC they are not helping either situation by ENABLING!
    via barryburgh

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cake family drama aita kids birthday mother birthday party siblings reddit story parenting family sister daughter Reddit women parents children Father
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