'It's really not ok for her to get cats for herself without my permission': Divorced dad with cat allergies claws back after ex adopts two felines, fueling family feud

Author image for Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jun 25, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Some purrsonal boundaries were clearly crossed here… just not the ones this cat-allergic dad thinks. After being divorced for 13 years, this 46 year-old father learned that his fifty year-old ex-wife had adopted two cats. The revelation came during a visit from his adult son, when Dad overheard him talking about scooping litter boxes. Cue the allergic alarm bells.

Concerned about fur on clothes and furniture, the dad emailed his ex to tell her she shouldn't have gotten cats without his purrmission. His 21-year-old son wasn't feline fine about that and said he wouldn't be visiting again soon. Now, this dad is left scratching his head, wondering why everyone's hissing at him.

The claws are out, but here's the deal: once the divorce papers are signed and the kids are adults, your ex's pet choices are hers to make. Sure, allergies are a real concern, but trying to micromanage your ex's household from afar is a catastrophic overstep.

Bottom line: these aren't your cats, your house, or your rules anymore. Time to paws and reflect.

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  • 01
    'I had no right to tell her what she can and cannot have in her own house'
    via AndreyPopov / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (46M) have been divorced from my ex wife (50F) for 13 years and we have 3 children, 21M, 20M, and 18F. All of the kids live with her full time, they each chose to do so when they turned 18. They will each come visit me and my wife occasionally.
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 03
    My oldest son was over here having dinner a few weeks ago and got a call from his mother. Obviously I don't listen in on his conversations, but I heard him ask her how often he needed to scoop the litter boxes while she was gone. When he hung up I asked him very nicely "Oh, your mom has cats now?" He told me yes, she has 2. I told him that was
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10521188608
    via Elles Rijsdijk / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    interesting because I am allergic to cats and she knows that. He told me it shouldn't be too interesting because we hadn't been married since he was 8 years old so it really shouldn't matter to her or to me if she had cats or if I was allergic. I told him that it did matter, because they could get cat hair on their clothes and bring it over here, and also my wife hates
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 06
    animal hair on her furniture, and that could happen too with her having cats. He rolled his eyes and said something about how she can do what she wants, and then he left.
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 07
    Well, after he left I emailed her. I would have texted her, but she got a new phone number after my daughter turned 18 and never gave it to me. The kids won't give it to me either. So email is the only way I know of to reach her. I emailed her and told her that it's really not ok for her to get cats for herself without my permission,
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 08
    since it still affects my allergies. Well, she never responded to my email, but I know she got it, because the next time my 21 year old came over, he told me it was an move to email his mother, and he wouldn't be coming over for awhile, because I had no right to tell her what she can and cannot have in her own house.
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10521188864
    via Africa images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Then he grabbed a couple of things he had here still and left. I'm still kind of mystified and don't understand how what I did was an move.
    via u/Independent-Mud-1940
  • 11
    gundog416 Yes, YTA. What your ex does hasn't been your business since the judge signed the divorce decree.
    via u/gundog416
  • 12
    imf4rds Wow, all your kids are adults. You cannot control what someone does in there home. Do you interrogate all guests and not let them in if they have pets? You are speed running your kids not speaking to you. She changed her number when your daughter turned 18, shouldn't that tell you something about yourself. YTA.
    via u/imf4rds
  • 13
    nightcana Surely a 13 year divorcee doesnt actually think their ex needs permission to do anything in their own home.
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  • 14
    Beneficial-Sort4795 You're the GIANT How dare you try to control your ex wife after you've been divorced 8 years? No wonder your kids rarely visit you, • you're a controlling j The woman is so done with you she won't give you her phone number- that's how done with your sh she is.
    via u/Beneficial-Sort4795
  • 15
    She doesn't have to care about your allergies. You don't live together. And she clearly already had the cats and it didn't affect you a bit- you eavesdropped and heard she had them and then had a hissy fit. You are nothing to her, you have no say in her
    via u/Beneficial-Sort4795
  • 16
    home environment, and you honestly owe her an apology but you don't sound man enough to give one. Stop being so controlling before all your kids go no contact with you.
    via u/Beneficial-Sort4795
  • 17
    JohnRedcorn Mass... YTA It's amazing that you think your ex needs your permission for ANYTHING. It's not surprising that every one of the children chose her over you.
    via u/JohnRedcornMassage
  • 18
    Defiant Fishing6984 No wonder she divorced you. YTA.
    via u/Defiant_Fishing6984
  • 19
    Fit_Magician_3491 Yes, the a hole. What your ex has in her house is none of your business. She could have a zoo in her house, and it would still be none of your business. Stay in your lane
    via u/Fit_Magician_3491
  • 20
    Neptunianx YTA?! OF COURSE she can have cats. Do you not let anyone in your home who has cats? I can't decide if you're completely clueless or just a bad human being. You need to leave your ex alone.
    via u/Neptunianx
  • 21
    youknowimright25 Yta. She is your ex. You have absolutly no say in what pets she can get.
    via u/youknowimright25
  • 22
    ncjr591 She can do whatever she wants. If your afraid of getting cat hair in the house or have it near you because of your allergies then I guess you want be seeing your kids anymore. Grow up
    via u/ncjr591
  • 23
    Odd_Connection_7... YTA You come across as pathetic and desperate, as well as a little bit stalker-ish. I think it's really sad that, after splitting up at age 33, you spent many of the best years of your life not moving on from this relationship.
    via u/Odd_Connection_7167
  • 24
    I am guessing that the two of you have been apart longer than you have been together. Have you been able to access any kind of counseling or therapy to help deal with this?
    via u/Odd_Connection_7167
  • 25
    Erizial Yta, its not your house, your cats, or your place to say what she can and cant do. You are trying to be controlling over someone you have been divorced from.
    via u/Erizial

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family drama argument family Cats fight family feud adopted divorce
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