21-year-old cuts ties with parents over lifelong habit of breaking bad news on important dates, special events, and birthdays: ‘My siblings think they're just heavily in denial’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jul 6, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Some parents have a knack for timing, but these two seem to treat their son's milestones as prime opportunities to drop emotional bombs. Every important day, school plays, birthdays, graduations, even a simple assessment, gets hijacked by a fresh dose of bad news, always delivered with the kind of dramatic flair usually reserved for soap operas. The lead role in the school play comes with a backstage announcement about an ill great-grandma. A birthday party is prefaced with the revelation that the family dog is already gone. Graduation is overshadowed by a cancer diagnosis that's been kept secret for months, just waiting for the perfect moment to steal the spotlight.

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  • AITA for pulling away from my parents because they always decide to break bad news on important days for me?

    "They always decide to break bad news on important days for me"
    via Timur Weber

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Years of this routine leave the oldest son with a clear message: any day that matters to him is fair game for parental crisis management. By the time college rolls around, he’s had enough. Calls get shorter, visits disappear, and the family dynamic quietly shifts. The siblings notice, the parents stay blissfully unaware, and the cycle only breaks when a social media post finally forces a conversation.

  • This was a long running thing with my parents and something my siblings (19) and 17) commented on. I (21m) am the oldest of three.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • And starting at a young age my parents have made weird decisions about breaking bad news. It started when I was 7.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • Cheezburger Image 10524428032
    via imgenes-de-andres-barrionuevo-lopez

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I was the lead in our school play and 20 minutes before the play starts my parents decided to announce my great grandma was d¸ ng.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • They had known about it for days at that point and waited to tell us and said they needed a good moment.
    via SeparateLibrary8526

  • When confronted, the parents claim ignorance and label the distance as petty, as if their habit of emotional ambushes is just a quirky family tradition. Siblings, meanwhile, see the denial for what it is. Some people outgrow birthday parties, others outgrow being the emotional collateral for their parents’ news bulletins. Sometimes, pulling away is not pettiness but self-preservation, especially when every special day comes with a side of trauma.

  • Cheezburger Image 10524427264
    via Khosro

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Then they acted super shocked when I bawled in front of everyone. I messed up the whole play and couldn't get a single line right.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • Then when I was 9 it was the day of my assessment for learning disa ities. My parents announced on the way home that dad had lost his job 3 weeks prior so they could have waited another day or two to tell us and we'd have to make a lot of changes in our lives.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • At the time I wondered if they saw my learning disa ities as a burden on top of everything and resented me for it. The morning of my 10th birthday party (not my actual birthday but a few of days after) they told us they had to put our dog down two days before...
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • They announced they were getting a divorce on my 15th birthday. My mom waited until my graduation to announce she was diagnosed with cancer.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • She'd known for two months. Just waited and again on a day important for me. When I moved out for college I dropped the rope.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • I didn't call or text. I didn't even check in on mom. I spoke to my siblings every day, sometimes twice a day. But I didn't invest in my relationship with my parents.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • I didn't go to either house for Christmas or summer break. I figured out other stuff. They called a few times and I answered but I would always make it short and to the point.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • My siblings said my parents. thought I was just being a typical first time college kid but it started to get more obvious by the first Christmas after I moved out.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • They avoided bringing it up. until this summer when they saw on Insta that I moved into an apartment with three of my plans and we decided. to put down roots here.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • They brought up the elephant in the room and I was honest. They asked me why I never talked to them about it and I said it wasn't something I should have to bring up because they weren't announcing things as they happened.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • They'd wait and that she felt intentional. I said they didn't forget when my birthday was or that I was 10 minutes away from performing in the school play.
    via SeparateLibrary8526
  • And the lack of sensitivity. made them less approachable. Both of them think I was petty to pull away for this. My siblings think they're just heavily in denial.
    via SeparateLibrary8526

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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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