44-year-old mom goes no contact with cruel bio dad and stepmom, worries about depriving 6-year-old son of grandparents: 'He keeps asking about his grandpa'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 1, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Second chances can be a dangerous game to play in relationships, even and sometimes especially when they are happening with family members. When somebody means a lot to a person despite their previous behavior and actions, it is only natural to hope that they have changed for the better. Also, it is understandable for those who got cut off by a loved one to want a place in their life again, whether they have learned from their mistakes or not.

Unfortunately, many connections that are rekindled after a period of difficulty can prove to be not worth the effort. What may start off as a welcome return can quickly be derailed by toxic behavior or intruding third parties. It can be hard to reject someone or be rejected all over again, but there are times when it is going to be the best option. Some people will never be who you need them to be.

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  • 01

    AITAH for protecting myself from my biological father (and his wife) even if it hurts my kid?

    When I (44F) was nine, my biological father allowed my stepfather to adopt me. My stepfather was a wonderful man who raised me with love and kindness. I even named my firstborn child after him. I don't blame my biological father for signing over his rights. I truly believe he thought my stepfather would give me a better life, and he was right. My mother, on the other hand, was a nightmare and made my life h I. I haven't had contact with her for about nine years now. So I don't blame my biologica
    via Intellgent_Gold_966
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10524354560
    via Sheikh Nayim Hasan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one woman found out the hard way after she rekindled her relationship with her biological father, then cut contact with him again. When she was nine years old, he had allowed her stepdad to adopt her, and she didn't speak with him again until after her stepfather's passing.

    The relationship soured when her dad's wife became involved in the relationship, which she was not happy about. Both her dad and her stepmom began saying cruel things to her, something which prompted her to go no contact with them. However, she felt guilty about depriving her 6-year-old son of a grandfather, especially as her older son still had a relationship with him.

  • 03
    When my stepfather d_d, I decided to reach out to my biological father. Before then, it felt like it would have been a betrayal, but after my stepfather passed, it felt okay. At first, things went fairly well. Then his wife-who had no idea I even existed until then -found out about me. For context, I was around 36 at the time, and I'm 44 now. She didn't take it well. She has a daughter and a son, but she told me she wanted her daughter to be the only one who gave my dad grandchildren.
    via Intelligent_Gold_966
  • 04
    ' She was awful to me behind his back. She called me a said my house was dirty, accused me of using people for money, and so on. I put up with it because I just wanted my dad in my life, and I wanted my kids to have grandparents. She also wouldn't let my dad come see me unless she came too, but she visits her daughter alone all the time. My dad is a talented woodworker, and I asked him to make a bed for my youngest son. He refused, but then made one for her daughter instead. Her daughter is clea
    via Intelligent_Gold_966
  • 05
    After about four years, I finally told my dad about the things she was saying. He acted like he was going to fix it, and it stopped for about a year. But then he started saying horrible things to me himself. He told me I had a face like leather, that I looked like an Indian (which he meant as an insult), that I was lazy and old, and called me a liar for no reason. He even sent me an email telling me he was a better parent than me. Eventually, I decided I'd had enough and cut contact. It hurts, b
    via Intelligent_Gold_966
  • 06
    Here's the part that makes me feel conflicted. I have two sons. One is 21, and he still has a relationship with my father, which I don't interfere with. I'm genuinely happy for them. But my younger son is only six, and he keeps asking about his grandpa. I feel bad because I don't want to keep my son from family, but I also don't want to keep letting someone in my life who only insults and belittles me. I also don't want to destroy my dad's happiness with his wife, because honestly it seems like
    via Intelligent_Gold_966
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10524354816
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08

    Outsiders reassured her that she had made the right decision.

    WillaWired You are right to cut him off because love should not come with cruelty. Protecting your child starts with protecting yourself.
    via WillaWired
  • 09
    Ornery_Old_Dude Your bio dad sounds like a total POS. Your youngest is better off not being around someone who treats you like crop and will probably bad mouth you when he sees him. Keep him far away from that toxic family and never feel bad about protecting both yourself and your son from their BS.
    via Ornery_Old_Dude
  • 10
    NTA GodSometimes I come from a family where my mother did not talk to my grandparents but did let me and my father, as a driver, go to meetups have contact with them. It started when I was around six as well and it did not end well. If you have no influence on the child while they are staying with the grandparents, do not let them go. If they verbally attack you when your son is present, do not bring your child into the situation. I cannot stress enough how badly I was instrumentalized against m
    via GodSometimes
  • 11
    I would never let my child interact with them without me. and I would not interact with them if I was you either. I made the hard cut myself after my relatives escalated their behavior from verbal (mainly aimed at my no contact mom and at some point dad, but also at me with age) to physical attacks (on me) a few years ago. It'll hurt your son now, the no contact. It'll hurt him less in the long run. I personally wish my parents had just let me whine about missing my grandparents then ever meetin
    via GodSometimes
  • 12
    calacmack I assume that your older son established a relationship with your father during a time when you and your father's connection was positive and strong. This is no longer the case; it is highly possible that his feelings for you now will become obvious to your young child, creating significant confusion and hurt for him. This possibility should be a strong consideration. Regardless, NTA whatever you decide to do.
    via calacmack
  • 13
    Abject_Jump9617 Don't know if anyone has said it yet but I do wonder if some of the awful stuff written in that email was actually written by his bitter unhinged wife? After all she was the one that was so nasty to you whenever he was not around. And I find it weird that your dad would call you "old", I mean how old is his wife? Is she younger than you? And does he think his a is aging in reverse? Because I'm pretty sure he is older than you. Honestly you never should have seek him out in the fi
    via Abject_Jump9617
  • 14
    Different-Version-58 How might it impact your youngest to see his grandpa treat his mom so poorly? What example would that set?
    via Different-Version-58
  • 15
    Street_State_4447 I'd be worried about how these two are poisoning your older son. They sound horrible.
    via Street_State_4447
  • 16
    knittingneedles321 "Your grandpa and his wife have said some really mean things to me. Your big brother is a grown man and he can protect himself against mean things, but right now it's my job to keep you safe. When you're older we can look at things again, ok? But for now I have to be the grown up here and look out for us"
    via knittingneedles321
  • 17
    Dana07620 Tell him in a way he'll understand. Say, "Grandpa says terrible, mean things to me and makes me want to cry because he hurts me so much." Most 6 year olds are protective of their mothers and won't want to have anything to do with someone who hurts their mother. NTA
    via Dana07620
  • 18
    Stoic_STFU Your bio father is not capable of maintaining healthy relationships. He abandoned you and gave up parental rights - which you attribute to your mother being problematic. If that was the case, why didn't he fight for full custody to protect you?! The you seek him out - and he lets his wife treat you with contempt and say ab ive things to you. He then abandons you yet again?! You should get therapy to help you navigate how not to let these kind of ppl in your life and give them access t
    via Stoic_STFU
  • 19
    LilapoleDancer Cutting off contact with anyone who mistreats you, including family, is perfectly acceptable. Forcible connections are less important than keeping your peace
    via LilapoleDancer
  • 20
    SubstantialRemove967 NTA. Up to you to protect the 6yo until he can make his own determination. And that's not even taking into account how monstrous your bio-dad and his wife are. You don't owe ANYONE a relationship. For ANY reason. Yes, that includes family.
    via SubstantialRemove967
  • 21
    JJOkayOkay There are age-appropriate ways to talk to a six-year-old about estrangement. "Grandpa says really mean things about Mommy, so he is in time-out. I deserve to be treated nicely, and I don't want you thinking it's okay to treat others the way he sometimes treats people. I want to teach you how to be a nice person."
    via JJOkayOkay
  • 22
    Maybaby31 Oof this is hard. I don't think your an AH for keeping yourself and your small child away from that toxic environment. I get wanting your kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents but when those same grandparents do little more then insult and put you down then your kids better off without them NTA
    via Maybaby31
  • 23
    Used_Ad2666 you are definitely right to protect ur little one! but i also feel like you should have a conversation with your oldest. He's old enough to understand family dynamics and you don't know if ur bio father and his wife are actively trying to poison him against you. It's better to be safe than sorry! Sit down with him and have a honest conversation about what you've went through these years so he can make a conscious decision of if he wants to continue speaking to your bio dad or not. It
    via Used_Ad2666
  • 24
    Prettyricky27 NTA, your son Is a child; and you will do your best to protect him as you see fit. What would the situation be; you drop him off to see grandpa and they say awful things about you in his presence. Or you'd sit there with your son for a visit and take their verbal ab e and decline mentally. If your son wants a relationship with grandpa he can go see him, when he's an adult. tell your older son to not bring that man up around your child. Also the emails and text message being nasty t
    via Prettyricky27_

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family drama aita stepmom parenting dad family stepdad reddit thread daughter no contact Reddit mom son Father
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