23-year-old daughter lies about income to keep her parents from taking 40% of it for living expenses: 'I've gained thousands in credit card debt to keep up'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 7, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

There is some level of stigma about living at home. Some feel that it's a sign that you are "giving up" on your adult life or have failed in some way that has led you back to the doors of your home. However, most people who have ever tried to make it on their own also know that it's incredibly difficult to do. There are times when you need support, and you're lucky if you have it. So you don't judge others for doing the sensible thing and trying to save on expenses by going back home. 

But what if living at home was actually more expensive than living independently? You may think that since they're your parents, they will give you the friends and family discount, but that's not always the case. They may have budgeted for you to be gone, and now that you're there, they want their money's worth. 

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    AITA for lying about my income to avoid rent?

    AITA for lying to my parents (M&F 50s) about how much money I (F23) make so I don't have to pay them as much for rent?
    via u/Firetigress99
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    DST IN GOL ES OF AMERICA WE TRUST TES OF AMERICA TRUST 20
    via Alexander Grey

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened to this young woman whose parents tried to find every way to squeeze her for cash. What started out as a somewhat reasonable situation turned into an untenably expensive one. But when she concocted a white lie to help ease the pressure, she wasn't sure whether or not she did the right thing. 

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    To give context after college I moved back into my parents and have been here for 8 months. Since graduating college my parents have taken a sum of my income starting at 20%. After a couples months I was expected to pay the Parent Plus Loan ($510 monthly). A couple more months my car payment was added ($300 monthly). All of this I think is fair and I have no issue with except for the fact I had to quit my job in March.
    via u/Firetigress99
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    I was expecting to live in the college area after I graduated but due to outside circumstances | could not get a place. This led to me living home and having a 2 hour commute. After a few months I had to toss in the towel and quit because it was nearly costing money to have the job. During this time my parents had slowly increased my rent to 40% of my income for more expenses. When I was unemployed my parents instead took $200 as well as the
    via u/Firetigress99
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    loan money (car money was added once I got a new job). This absolutely destroyed my savings to the point I've gained thousands in credit card debt to keep up with life and expenses needed to apply for jobs.
    via u/Firetigress99
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    Eventually I got a job! This is where I may be an AH but I lied to my parents and hide 40% of my income in an account they can't see. If they question why there's a lack of money I may say I had 20- 30% automatically put in savings. I just need to leave this living
    via u/Firetigress99
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    situation. It's a family of 5 with 2.5 bath, living with family 24/7, limited freedoms, but most importantly feeling a crushing sensation of being trapped here. I understand that my parents have had lives that made them not great with money and there are debts to be paid. In reality paying for loans and my car
    via u/Firetigress99
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    payment isn't horrible and I expect it. I just keep doing math and see how if I lived with someone I could have a 2 bed 1 bath for the same price. The rent they also say goes to food and electricity (we don't pay for water), so that makes sense a bit. Am I being an AH for hiding the full amount I earn so I can save up to move out?
    via u/Firetigress99
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    EDIT: Just adding extra information to clear up some common questions. The total monthly payment is $750 (rent) + $300 (car) + $510 (PPL) • I asked for an itemized list of the 40% but I was told it wasn't needed and they said it's what they felt was right.
    via u/Firetigress99
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    • With that I can only assume basic rent, electric, food, and some smaller stuff. • I pay for 1/3 of my meals by myself, I pay for my own gas, and car maintenance. I also can't move out right now due to having very little savings.
    via u/Firetigress99
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    Cheezburger Image 10526564864
    via Unsplash+ (Fatma Sarıgül)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters tried to see it from all angles.

    hexxcellent · 1d ago • NTA and everyone saying you are for "lying about your income" is missing the g din point. Because if I'm understanding correctly, your parents started gradually increasing your rent until it was double what you were first paying
    via u/hexxcellent
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    and well beyond what market value would be for a single bedroom? And didn't even give you any leniency when you were unemployed, they were totally cool with you racking up thousands in debt?!
    via u/hexxcellent
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    OP is being financially exploited by their own parents. They NEED to lie about their current income in order to ever afford to move out, otherwise they're just at risk of another price hike.
    via u/hexxcellent
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    Ok_Objective8366 • 1d ago 40% is way to high as they are making sure you can never move out with that amount and they know it. I would pay the parents plus loan directly instead of through your parents and it might not be that high or it's not getting paid at all. I would have that direct payment instead
    via u/Ok_Objective8366
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    Counther 1d ago • My question is why do you have to hide money in "an account they can't see"? Why do your parents have access to your bank account?
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    Firetigress99 OP. 1d ago They created my checking when I was a teenager and never took themselves off so they could withdraw money easily whenever I needed to pay them. I never realized this wasn't normal.
    via u/Firetigress99
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    Mundane-Run6179 1d ago • NTA. I get their point of view but the way they went about it was.... kinda yuck imho. If I was a parent, the most my kid would have to pay is their phone, car, and help with groceries. You're not wrong for hiding a portion of your income so you can save up to move out.
    via u/Mundane-Run6179
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    • Flimsy-Surprise8234 · 1d ago NTA. They're taking advantage of you financially. If you would be financially better off for leaving, then. you should leave them asap, yes. Their debts are not your responsibility and they're being selfish and greedy. Paying 20% of your income to rent is certainly enough.
    via u/Flimsy-Surprise8234
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    Forward_Nothing 59... NTA 40% of your income to rent your childhood bedroom is ridiculous. As an adult, your parents have no right to look over any of your financial accounts or statements.
    via u/Forward_Nothing5979
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    Get a post office box, direct all bank stuff to it. Save cash and look for a cheap studio. It's reasonable to pay for your overhead but unreasonable to to pay for others. The rent increase they're making is wrong.
    via u/Forward_Nothing5979
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    Crik55 1d ago Can you clarify what you are paying to them and what it covers? How much is your student loan, how much is your car loan, and how much is room and board? Are you additionally paying off debts they incurred for themselves? You say you understand
    via u/Crik55
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    paying for loans they took out to buy things for your use (college and car) but you also seem to feel justified in lying to get out on your own. I'm kind of confused and, judging by the responses, I'm not the only one.
    via u/Crik55
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    dazed1984 • 1d ago NTA. Your parents still insisted you pay whilst unemployed and let you rack up debt.
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    Fit-Combination-6211 · 1d ago . NTA if they're charging you more than you could get with another roommate. They're taking advantage of you and not charging you, their daughter, a fair market value.
    via u/Fit-Combination-6211
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    CmonRoach4316 · 1d ago I see you pay for rent + car + loan... If you move out, won't you still be expected to pay the car + loan? If that's the case, then your $750 rent portion may be actually cheaper than moving out. You'd also have to factor in groceries and utilities.
    via u/CmonRoach4316
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    West_Hat7270 · 1d ago Without knowing how much you are paying to your parents it's hard to say, but if it's really less expensive for you to move out, you should. My adult kids assumed the total cost of them residing with me was a lot less than
    via u/West_Hat7270
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    the reality (I wasn't charging them anyway) and once we itemized utilities, food, home maintenance, internet, etc. they realized that they were noticeably increasing my monthly financial outlay. If you stay, create a budget with them and be an adult and pay an appropriate amount. I'm not sure why your parents would have access to your bank account or your paystub.
    via u/West_Hat7270
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    . Angelus-MortiS91 · 1d ago First of all why are you giving them access to your bank account at 23 yo?
    via u/Angelus-MortiS91
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    AffectionateWombat 1d ago . NTA. Honestly I will never understand parents who ask their children to pay rent. Utilities, groceries, etc sure, but rent? It's not like their rent goes up just because you are living there! And if they are not paying rent but a mortgage, it's even worse, then they're just using your labour to pay off THEIR investment.
    via u/AffectionateWombat
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    Usrname52 • 1d ago I'm confused. You ask about rent, and then you mention the loans and the car payments like it's part of that. Are you equating them or is it completely different? You say $510 for loans and $300 for car. How much are you paying them otherwise for rent/utilities/food?
    via u/Usrname52
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    And what else are you spending money on that is racking up thousands of dollars in credit card debt? And what type of job did you get that you are making double what they think you are making?
    via u/Usrname52
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    mtgistonsoffun • 1d ago Move out. The point of living at home while you have a job isn't to subsidize your parents, it's to lower your costs so you can save a ton and get a good start when you move out. If you're not getting that benefit, there's no reason to live there. And sounds to me like your parents are pieces of work. NTA.
    via u/mtgistonsoffun

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