'I don't think she has the ability to properly take care of the babies': After a year of careless co-parenting, a roommate plans to claim the cat for college, leaving the true pawrent caught in a furry dilemma

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jul 18, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

This whole situation is more tangled than a ball of yarn during zoomies. What started as a mutual decision to adopt Cat A turned into one person doing all the heavy lifting, feeding, watering, vet visits, litter duty, while the roommate slowly checked out. Things seemed fine in the early days, but since Cat B came along, it's been clear who's actually taking care of both cats. And now, after barely lifting a paw to help (even while someone was away on vacation!), the roommate wants to take Cat A with her to grad school? That's a hissterical idea. 

Cats aren't just roommates. They're family. And any feline deserves reliable care, not just cuddles when it's convenient. The best move is to have a calm but direct conversation soon, maybe even over coffee with a curious cat nearby for emotional support. There's still time to sort things out before the big move, but putting it off might just lead to more catastrophes. When it comes to their future, the priority has to be what keeps those whiskers twitching happily and the litterboxes clean.

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  • 01
    'My roommate doesn't take care of our cat but wants to take it with her to college'
    via calicodesign from Pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My roommate and I adopted a cat (Cat A) about a year-and-a half ago. There was a period of time after adopting the cat where she was living on her own, and I was living in a dorm, so the cat was living with her, and I would help take care of him. During that time she became very emotionally attached to our cat. I never
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 03
    Adopt me!
    via pixelshot / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    noticed anything out of the ordinary when I went to her place. Our cat always had water, and his litterbox was always clean. Plenty of toys, cuddly, and well-fed. After her lease was up we moved in together.
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 05
    The first year we lived together was good. She fed and watered our cat most mornings, unless I woke up first. Cleaning the litterbox also didn't seem to be an issue. Now we are in the second year of living together, and I adopted my own cat (Cat B) a few months ago. After Cat A
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 06
    and Cat B were introduced and acclimated I noticed Cat A only used the second litterbox | bought for Cat B. I found out this is because my roommate has all but quit cleaning their litterbox in her bathroom. I also have been the only one feeding and watering them since January as well as buying them food/litter and making their vet appointments.
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 07
    I went on vacation this week and asked my roommate to feed and water the cats as well as clean their litterbox while I was gone. My boyfriend updated me that she has possibly cleaned their litterbox once, and that when he has been over to my place he has had to feed and water the cats because their bowls are always dry and empty when he arrives. I am so mad.
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10531637760
    via Tom Fisk from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    My roommate got accepted to a graduate program and is most likely moving to that city next spring. She wants to take Cat A with her since they lived together before and bonded. I don't feel comfortable letting that happen. I don't think she has the ability to properly take care of the babies.
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 10
    How can I start this conversation with her? When should I? I have basically a year, but I'm really not trying to procrastinate this. I love my kitties and never ever want them to be in a compromised position.
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 11
    Also: I have bought an automatic feeder and 2.5 gallon gravity water bowl for them so when I go out of town again they will be fed and watered no matter what. I am still trying to figure out a solution for the litterbox since I don't have the money to buy a self-cleaning one at the moment. My boyfriend has severe OCD, so I am trying to come up with ideas for ways he might be able to clean it without touching it or being near it for too long.
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 12
    TL;DR: my roommate doesn't take care of our cat but wants to take it with her to college in another city and I don't feel comfortable letting her do that EDIT: Thank you all for the advice!!!
    via Mean_Tension2714
  • 13
    co... Is your roommate paying for Cat A's vet bills? From your description it sounds like Cat A is your roommate's cat, not yours, since she's been mainly responsible for the kitty, so there's not much you can really do to stop her from taking her cat with her. You can't really "share" a cat with a
    via codeswift27
  • 14
    roommate, and it's not a good idea anyway. I think that the best you can do is talk to her and tell her that you're worried that her cat's wellbeing, and encourage her to clean the litter box regularly and feed it and give it water regularly. You can suggest that she gets automatic feeders, water fountains, and litter boxes to make it easier for her. Given
    via codeswift27
  • 15
    that she was being a responsible owner before and only recently stopped taking care of her cat after you adopted your cat, as as it is she might have just assumed that you would take care of both of them so she just stopped taking responsibility for her cat. There's no excuse for it at all, but maybe it's something that she'll acknowledge and
    via codeswift27
  • 16
    improve on if you're straightforward with her and tell her. Also, the co- ownership thing confuses things as well, because technically if Cat A is both of yours then you would both be responsible for it, not just her, so she might have also just thought that since she solely took care of it for a year, that you would solely take care of it for the next year or something.
    via codeswift27
  • 17
    Edit to add that if you still think that she is neglecting her cat even after trying to talk to her, you could try reporting her for animal neglect or, if it really comes down to it, taking it but only if it isn't microchipped and if she doesn't have the vet bills
    via codeswift27

  • Sharing a cat is tough and is pawsibly the hardest part of cohabiting! But maybe a real heart-to-heart will help her see what the kitty really needs! 

  • 18
    Wild_Ad_312 Whoever pays the vet bills is (probably) considered the cat's official owner. Who pays the vet bills?
    via Wild_Ad_312
  • 19
    the-5thbeatle It seems odd to me that you have to remind your roommate to feed her own cats, when you travel. Outside of offering to buy her cat(s) from her, there's really not a lot you can do, whether or not you feel
    via the-5thbeatle
  • 20
    comfortable with her taking the cat(s). They are hers. Maybe have a calm conversation outlying the care they need, and that she hasn't provided.
    via the-5thbeatle
  • 21
    Patient_Meaning_... Who takes them to the vet? Are they microchipped? If so, in whose name?
    via Patient_Meaning_2751
  • 22
    DA... Who is on the adoption paperwork? Who are the micro chips registered to? That's the owner that's who should take the cat. It's possible your roommate doesn't do those things. because she knows you will. Regardless, if she owns them they should go with her.
    via DA2013

  • Ultimately, it might just come down to whose name is on the pawperwork because even the cutest kitty co-parents need things in writing when it’s time to make big decisions. 

  • 23
    Igoos99 Sounds like she's lazy because you or BF are around. When was her sole responsibility, she did fine. My advice is always to not steal other people's cats. You can bring up that you'd be happy to adopt cat A because you love her and she and Cat B are bonded. But, you can't force the issue.
    via Igoos99

  • Sounds like she caught a classic case of the lazies! Once there’s no one around to quietly cover for her, she might just surprise everyone by stepping up for the fluffball.

  • 24
    AnotherDarnDay Based on your story, cat A is HER cat so you can't really do anything to keep her from taking her own cat.
    via AnotherDarnDay
  • 25
    Perhaps once you brought in Cat B it changed the dynamic in the household and roommate doesn't want to care for your cat so leaves it to you. Or maybe you started taking it on yourself so roommate decided to let you keep doing it.
    via AnotherDarnDay
  • 26
    I'm sure once she's on her own with her cat she will get back to doing everything for it. It's really hard for some people to fall into a routine and then have someone interrupt it... it takes time to develop a new routine. Maybe that's it. Who knows
    via AnotherDarnDay

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roommates Cats pets adopted cat owners feline moving college
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