Man's new wife kindly allows her stepson and step-dog to stay with them, only for the husband to guilt-trip her into letting his ex-wife come to their new home to visit them: '[He was] trying to make me cave by making me feel bad'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Jul 25, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

So many times, we find ourselves out there, trying to do something kind and good, and having it come right back to bite us. We think that's what happened to the wife in this story. The new wife, we mean. She's doing her best here, allowing her stepson and step-dog to stay in her and her husband's new home, but instead of getting the good karma that she was maybe hoping for, she ended up getting trouble in her marriage - over a dog and a boy. 

Now look, we understand missing your dog and your son and wanting to visit them. We really do. That's why we have a hard time being mad at the ex-wife, even though we're sure that there had to have been a better way of approaching this on her end too. What we're more upset about than anything is the reaction that the husband had to his new wife showing trepidation, which it totally makes sense for her to have. 

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for not wanting my husband’s ex-wife to frequently visit my home?"

    "I explained to him that it is not expected for a wife to be all hunky dory with her husband's ex"
    via Unsplash / Jamie Street

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    I'm hoping this is pretty cut and dry but here is a little back story. I (40F) am married to my husband (55M) we will call him John for almost 3 years, been together for 8. We bought our home 2 years ago and it has been my dream to have my own home.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 03
    I lost my father in 2022 to C*VID and he left behind money for me and my siblings to split. Not a huge sum but enough to help with finances or to help with our homes. I lost him 9 months just prior to my wedding and I wanted to do something meaningful with the money he left me and we signed on our home in 2023.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 04
    I've worked hard to make this house our home, I've used the money to renovate this house because it was in need of repair and updating. I'm a nurse and I make decent money and I pay for the majority of our home stuff but my husband does pay the utilities and Internet. He also pays alimony to his ex-wife. My mother moved in with us because she retired and lived alone and is getting older.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 05
    My husband and her have a good relationship and knows how important she is to me and I was a very young child when my parents divorced and spent most of my time growing up with my mom. He was very close with his mother before she passed away so he understood and we agreed this was best for everyone.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 06
    My husband has 4 grown adult children. 3 of which I have good relationships with, the other is estranged and I won't go into that (not because of me.) his youngest child recently moved in with us.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 07
    How can I say this with the most respect possible, my step son has the motivation of a Galapagos turtle. Unless asked, he will not do pretty much anything, but when asked will do things but does huff and puff if it isn't an easy task. He also doesn't work. He's been with us for for a while and has no prospects of a job.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 08
    His mother never really forced the issue because she doesn't work and rarely left the house. I never met a young person who had no desire to have money of their own or even have a license to drive. Now I'm giving him grace bc he living in a new town in a new home and is getting settled.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10532013568
    via Unsplash / Caspar Rae - raecaspar

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    Now the hard part, the reason my step son had to move in with us along with the family dog is because the owners of their previous home decided to retire to that home. They were given over 8 months notice. 2 weeks prior to needing to vacate, nothing was packed or cleaned in that house.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 11
    My husband had to spend his time and money to help them remove everything and dispose of everything, it took nearly a month (that's how bad it was) and it rolled over into the next month.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 12
    My husband also felt obligated to help his ex-wife find a new place to live bc she has anxiety and I'm assuming issues with talking to people. Fine, ok, good on my husband to be helpful. I resented this a bit because I felt it really disrespectful that they were given over 8 months and didn't do anything to help their situation.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 13
    Now, when all was said and done, my stepson, his whole portion of household, the family dog (which was re-iterated to me on a few occasions was like a "best friend” to his ex-wife) and several crates and totes of her belongings were being stored in my house. Ok, fine, I agreed.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 14
    My husband then Recently asked me, would you mind if, we will call her Joanne (ex-wife), comes over from time to time to visit with step son and the dog. I stated, "I don't really want that if I'm being honest". My husband gave me a blank stare and asked me why.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 15
    I said to him that moving in stepson and dog and having her belongings here is one thing, I'm personally not interested in opening up my home to having your ex- wife frequently visiting. This is our home, my private space, I need something that is ours. My husband then started to say, "I just like to treat people as people."
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 16
    His statement caught me off guard. I was angry. I was confused. I felt like he was saying that I'm not treating her like just a person because I don't want my husband's ex-wife frequenting my house. I explained to him that it is not expected to be the norm for a wife to be all hunky dory with her husband's ex to come over whenever they wanted.
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 17
    He seemed upset and didn't understand my stance. I felt his comment was a little manipulative in trying to make me cave by making me feel bad for feeling the way I do. So AITA for not wanting my husband's ex-wife to frequently visit my home?
    via Nurse_Peachanina4530
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10532012800
    via Unsplash / Tino Rischawy

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • It's the guilt-tripping part of this story that bothers us the most. Because we can understand the ex-wife's desire to come visit her son and dog, but we can't understand this kind of behavior from the husband. He asked her if she was comfortable. She said no. Did he even care in the first place?

  • 19
    radicalcoach NTA. "I want you to know that how you handle this will tell me a lot about how much our marriage means to you. I have gone beyond and above and making things work for your previous family. I have no problems with you, helping your ex-wife and being a great person. However, this is my home and my one place where I shouldn't have to be on guard. Please respect my wishes and ask your ex-wife to visit stepson outside of the house." Then, depending on his response, you'll probably only h
    via radicalcoach
  • 20
    Dry_Ask5493 NTA. It sounds like you are being used and you are bankrolling this situation while your husband is bankrolling his ex-wife. I would go further and expect his ex to take her dog and things back and for his son to get a job and hopefully move out.
    via Dry_Ask5493
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10532013056
    via Unsplash / Anna Dudkova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • There's a test at this moment in this relationship, and we hope, for the sake of everything that you have built, that you will get through this somehow even stronger than before. Keep us posted, we would love to hear more. 

  • 22
    Icy_Yam_3610 Your not wrong. I would be honest and clear with him.... husband I have no issiue with stepson moving in my mother lives here to you do for family....... that said ex-wife is not family and I feel there needs to be a line drawn somewhere .... at some point we have to put us first - son can visit his mother and bring the dog whenever he wants at her place, or at a dog park Also I don't feel it is fair to guilt me and act as if im not treating her like a person, we are not obligated t
    via Icy_Yam_3610

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dogs drama interesting wife husband doggo story stepson
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