Overseas family asks cousin to contribute £150 to wedding she's not attending, says it's 'charity': 'I am deeply unmotivated to contribute'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 21, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

There are lots of great ways to spend your money. You're probably thinking of some of them right now. You might have bills to pay, rent that's due, contributions to make to your retirement fund, money set aside for healthcare, and that's not even the fun stuff. What about date night dinners and new pairs of shoes and trips to see the Tetons? What about your car, your phone, your Labubu habit, or your kid's school supplies? What about your rainy day fund or your latte addiction? 

All to say, there are about a billion things you could be spending your money on. Charity should be a part of that. If you have enough, it's nice to give back. It makes everyone feel better, and you never know when you might be the one in need of charity one day. But not everything counts as charity just because you say it does.

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  • 01

    WIBTA for refusing to contribute £150 towards my cousin's wedding?

    I (23M) was recently told that my cousin (23F) was getting married. I live in Europe whereas she lives in North Africa (I am North African by descent).
    via u/pastroc
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10532621824
    via Олег Мороз

  • Take, for example, your cousin's wedding. I wouldn't say that a wedding is a necessity in any sense of the word, especially the party part, unless you're using it as a decoy to pull off a life-saving heist somehow. But that didn't stop one couple from asking for contributions to their nuptials. But one cousin wasn't having it. Read on to see what you think.

  • 03
    My mother, who brought the news to me, later told me (without making it an option) to send £150 to my aunt (my cousin's mother) in order to contribute towards the wedding costs. The wedding will take place in a week from now. My cousin is officially married already, only the celebration need be funded.
    via u/pastroc
  • 04
    I am deeply unmotivated to contribute £150, even though that amount of money isn't colossal, for the following reasons. First, I was not aware that she envisaged getting married or even had someone in mind (I did not know the man) until I was (indirectly) told three days ago.
    via u/pastroc
  • 05
    Second, my mother painted the contribution as "charity," which makes little sense to me as the latter need be voluntary (and not coercive) and contribute toward a necessary cause (fighting hunger, housing homeless individuals)-a celebration does not seem that "necessary" to warrant that label to me.
    via u/pastroc
  • 06
    Third, I was not asked directly. WIBTA if I chose not to send the money? I'd be happy to provide any additional information in the comments.
    via u/pastroc
  • 07

    Commenters came in with their thoughts.

    Nicky666 21h ago NTA, I think your mom can contribute double if she thinks this practice is normal, Imao!!
    via u/Nicky666
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    PEDERAS UNITED STATES OF BG B 1460 E CONNE DOLLAR
    via Unsplash+ (Lala Azizli)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    MedicinalWalnuts 21h ago NTA. They are asking you to pay for the party that they are throwing to celebrate the wedding that they already had. You are under no obligation to contribute.
    via u/MedicinalWalnuts
  • 10
    the_elephant_sack • 21h ago I think we need way more information. Is this common in your culture? If you got married would family contribute to your wedding?
    via u/the_elephant_sack
  • 11
    Are you ever going home? Is this the kind of thing that would case an issue with the family in the future? Will this impact your mom's relationship with your family? What happens if you are living overseas in 25 years and your mom needs an operation and you can't get home and the family refuses to take her to the hospital citing your stinginess?
    via u/the_elephant_sack
  • 12
    Do you have more cousins? Will sending money for this wedding obligate you to send money to 12 more weddings because you have 12 more cousins?
    via u/the_elephant_sack
  • 13
    pastroc OP • 21h ago Is this common in your culture? If you got married would family contribute to your wedding? It probably is. I don't live in North Africa and I have little contact with my family over there, so cultural norms in their country are not too relevant to me, honestly.
    via u/pastroc
  • 14
    Are you ever going home? Is this the kind of thing that would case an issue with the family in the future? It's likely going to cause some short-term angst and I'll probably be seen as greedy and selfish, but nothing that would permanently annihilate my relationship with them. It'd certainly not damage my relationship with my mother for too long.
    via u/pastroc
  • 15
    Will this impact your mom's relationship with your family? Probably not. She contributed. What happens if you are living overseas in 25 years and your mom needs an operation and you can't get home and the family refuses to take her to the hospital citing your stinginess? Unlikely to happen.
    via u/pastroc
  • 16
    Do you have more cousins? Will sending money for this wedding obligate you to send money to 12 more weddings because you have 12 more cousins? Very good question, and something I was afraid of. I have a lot of cousins around a "marriable" age and sending money to that one will set a precedent that I won't be able to break off without repercussions. I just want to set my boundaries from the beginning.
    via u/pastroc
  • 17
    I'd be fine contributing if I were fed more information on the wedding beforehand and wasn't pressured to do so. They didn't even announce to me that she got married, I was told that only a few days later.
    via u/pastroc
  • 18
    Usual-Owl9395 · 21h ago . Do not send money. I am always surprised by the arrogance of people who think they have the right to spend somebody else's money.
    via u/Usual-Owl9395
  • 19
    Pascale73 20h ago NTA - just play dumb. If it comes up again, I'd literally say "Oh, I thought you were joking! I had no idea my cousin was even getting married, was already married, that I was expected to pay for it and that you had the ability to spend my money on my behalf" and then laugh some more.
    via u/Pascale73
  • 20
    GirlDad2023_ • 21h ago . You're 23 and not 15, it IS an option who you give money to and for what reason. Just ignore your mom, if she gets. upset, that's on her. NTA
    via u/GirlDad2023_
  • 21
    cinereo 1 21h ago Unless there is some weird cultural requirement attached to these things, you are definitely NTA. Blow off the demand for money, there is no actual obligation on your part for this.
    via u/cinereo_1
  • 22
    No-Reference-9146 21h ago • NTA This is very dependent on cultural norms but I agree with both your reasons. If you are not close at all with the cousin or aunt it's your choice, but if you are I would at least consider a lower amount. I think your mom is being pushy here and it's good to establish a boundary.
    via u/No-Reference-9146
  • 23
    • Sad_September_S... 20h ago NTA. The couple is already married and just seeking funding for a celebration? People are supposed to plan weddings within their financial means. It sounds like you won't even be there. IMO the amount they are asking for would be steep even as a wedding gift for a remote cousin.
    via u/Sad_September_Song
  • 24
    Affectionate Two2... 21h ago NTA, this does not seem like the culture where you're from. Also y'all aren't that close if not you would have know about the man before hand. Sooo not necessary
    via u/Affectionate_Two2497
  • 25
    Dharling97 · 20h ago • I mean, are you invited to the wedding? If you are, I would say that this would be my wedding gift for them
    via u/Dharling97
  • 26
    If not and you say you aren't close to them, then I wouldn't give them anything. It's your money, and you simply don't have the budget to hand over people money like this.
    via u/Dharling97
  • 27
    Fit_Television_282 21h ago Your family has a weird taxation system. I would have thought at least an invite would be required before you pay the toll
    via u/Fit_Television_282

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