'I’m not your maid, and I’m not his maid either': 25-year-old girlfriend speaks up after 'mama's boy' boyfriend refuses to stand up to his old-fashioned mother, after criticizing everything she does in their own home

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jul 26, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

What do you do when someone close to you is living in the 1800s? 

We understand tradition is important, but tradition has changed. We are living in a world that values women as equals, as it should have done centuries ago…So, having to interact with someone with such a backwards and close-minded viewpoint can be tricky. Is it our job to educate those who lack perspecitve relevant to the times we are living in?

Here's a similar case: after this loving girlfriend is constantly criticized by her boyfriend's mother for not living in a mindset that we're pretty sure was established before dinosaurs walked the planet, she finally finds the courage to stand up to his mother! What gives someone the right to come into your home and tell you how you're supposed to act, with unrealistic expectations of how women are meant to act in the household? We're sick of it! 

It seems this delusional mother has forgotten that women are not some accessory for her son, they are, in fact, the reason men can enter this world! 

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  • How can someone let their entitled mother speak to their girlfriend this way, mama's boy or not…

    Should this boyfriend have stepped in long before his girlfriend was fed up with his mother's behavior? It doesn't take a genius to realize when someone is being utterly disrespectful. We understand he may want to keep the peace and not come across as ‘picking sides’, but when the right side is so painfully obvious, maybe silence isn't the most courageous answer… 

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    "If you have a problem with how we run our house, you can leave"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for telling my boyfriend’s mom I’m not her maid?

    My boyfriend (28M) and I have been together for almost two years. We recently moved in together, and his mom (55F) visits
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    often, which I didn't mind at first. She's very old school and believes women should always be cooking, cleaning, and serving
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    men, which is the opposite of how I was raised. Every time she comes over, she makes passive aggressive comments like, You're
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    lucky he still loves you even when the house looks like this, or When are you going to learn how to cook a proper meal for him?
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    Last weekend, she came over unannounced while I was cleaning the kitchen after breakfast. My boyfriend was
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    relaxing on the couch. She immediately said, Good, at least you're doing something useful today. I snapped and told her, I'm
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    not your maid, and I'm not his maid either. If you have a problem with how we run our house, you can leave. She looked
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    shocked and left shortly after. My boyfriend told me I should have just ignored her because she's old-fashioned and doesn't mean
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    harm. He thinks I was r_de and I could have handled it better. Now I feel guilty because I know she grew up with different values, but I also feel like she disrespects me constantly. AITAH for finally telling her off?
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Kukka63 NTA She is 55!!!!! I'm 61 and would not put up with this sort of misogynistic nonsense, you indeed are not his maid. Your boyfriend should have told his mum, very clearly, that your relationship is not based on your servitude.
    via Kukka63
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    Ok_Conversation 9750 So they say you're r de??? MIL and your bf need to take a close look at themselves. BF needs a spine and I would be dubious about taking this relationship any further. You don't want to tie yourself to a momma's boy!
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  • 14
    eatencrow Stop. Providing. Wife-level. Benefits. For. Girlfriend-level. Commitment.
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    VeonaBliss NTA. If she wanted kindness, she should've led with it instead of treating you like hired help.
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    eponymous-octopus NTA. You tell him that this is his one and only chance to set his mom straight. He needs to call her, tell her that he backs you 100%, and that he will not tolerate any more comments about your household. If he fails now, he is going to fail for the rest of his life. And you need to decide if you can live with a failure of a boyfriend.
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    OttersAreCute215 NTA You should not be insulted in your own home. Maybe boyfriend should go back to live with mom if he agrees with her.
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    Beneficial-Sort4795 NTA. She absolutely means harm and this is the exact way you'll be treated the rest of your days if you put up with this from either one of them. Mama's boys rarely get better with time- they get worse cause they get comfortable being told they're little princes who can do no wrong.
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    Hminney That's just how she is. That's just how you are too. If she's entitled to be r de constantly, you are also entitled to say what you want in response. ΝΤΑ
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    seagull321 Get a kind, considerate bf with a spine. Throw this one back. Anyone who says you should tolerate someone's bad behavior because that's just how they are misses the point. You telling his mother off is just how you are.
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    anothersunnydayplz I didn't even know a Gen X woman could BE "old fashioned." She's an anomaly. Most of us take care of ourselves. Your boyfriend needs to set a boundary today. -
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    NoMidnight9227 HI, no! I'm 57 and would never say anything like that to my daughter-in-law! She's beyond r de and your boyfriend should have said something the first time it happened. NTA
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    Ok_Rush_2800 Don't feel guilty. You have the right to speak your mind as she feels she does. No guilt. Needed
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Tags

protective momma's-boy living together traditional relationship-drama love-and-dating outdated relationships defensive condescending mother in law old fashioned breakup entitled people conflict
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