'He believes that he is entitled to bring [his dog] here': 22-year-old apartment owner disallows her boyfriend from bringing his dog to move in with them because of her cat, telling him that it's either he agrees or they break up

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for telling my bf that his dog can’t move in with us"

    "I do not like his entitlement and his dog's behavior"
  • 02
    1 (22f) have a growing resentment towards my partner (24m) and his dog because I do not like his entitlement and his dog's behaviour. I live in my own bought apartment with my cat and he lives interstate with his parents and his dog.
  • 03
    We have been planning to move in together for a long time but I've made it known to him that I don't want his dog living with us in my apartment because it's a small apartment, his dog is reckless and aggressive towards cats (she's a Jack Russel Terrier) and she wakes up in the middle of the night almost all nights and this will be disturbing for the neighbours in the apartment complex. It would be a disaster having her here and I don't put that lightly.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 04
    When we first started dating, he would talk about his dog a lot, and at that point I did like her because | didn't know her way of being so I complimented her for being cute etc. but I always assumed this is their family dog and would stay in their family home if we lived together since I have a cat and know that I could never live with a dog.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 05
    After meeting his dog and spending a few weeks at his family home, I realised quickly this dog could not live with us because of her terrible behaviour and aggression towards other animals especially cats.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 06
    6 months passed and we have had numerous disagreements because I tell him I do not want his dog moving interstate to live with us in my apartment with my cat, and he believes that he is entitled to bring her here as she is his dog and she goes wherever he does.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 07
    I can understand his attachment to his dog but I do not believe he has the right to decide to bring his dog over without my consent especially since it is my own place.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 08
    He believes that by leaving her behind with his parents, he is leaving his whole life behind. I don't know how to have empathy for this situation because in his situation, I would let my parents take care of my dog so she could have her best life.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 09
    I care about my wellbeing, cat's wellbeing and the dog's wellbeing and know she would not be happy here and even his parents agree with me and have told me to leave her with them.
    via SacredBasil4
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  • 11
    This is one part. I think that because of all our arguments, and how much he speaks highly of his dog, I've also just grown a hatred towards his dog. I hate her. Her behaviour, her hours and hours of barking, her separation anxiety, and her inability to control her bladder indoors.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 12
    I am a very very light sleeper and when I spent two weeks at his family's place, I was unable to sleep most nights as she'd wake me up to take her out just because she wanted attention and cuddles in the middle of the night, not just once, but a few times.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 13
    Despite this, I tried my best to train her, walk her, give her as much love as possible but I just can't love her enough to accept her into my home. Her barking and peeing and whining and biting my ankles for attention annoys me beyond words and I just end up missing my cat and my peaceful life at home.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 14
    My boyfriend loves his dog and I know that is an inseparable bond but I'm starting to hate how much he talks about her positively and defends her. It's making me really dislike this relationship and every time I tell him how I feel, he says he has done me a huge favour and sacrificed so much by living with me when he could've stayed with his parents and done long distance.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 15
    I personally don't feel like it's a huge sacrifice... I feel like that is how life goes when you meet someone who lives in a different city, and it makes more sense to move in with someone who has their own place, than move in with someone and their parents. Yes he will miss his family but he's 24 and should know how to be independent if he wants a partner and family.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 16
    Anyway, I've pretty much become this person that hates talking about his dog and just doesn't want anything to do with her but he keeps making me feel like I am evil because I am here "getting what I want" and he is in endless suffering because his dog is not as present in his life.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 17
    I feel like things aren't going to work if he always makes me feel guilty for simply telling him no, especially since this is my own home and I should have the right to say no.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 18
    Am I being controlling by forcing him to leave his dog behind or to break up if he isn't willing to do so? And how can I stop resenting him and his dog? Every time I look at her I feel disgusted and angry and just want to ignore her even though it's not her fault, it's her family's since they couldn't train her properly and they aren't bothered to do so. There's so much here but I just don't want his dog around. I love my cat and my home and want to live in peace.
    via SacredBasil4
  • 19
    Edit: For those who believe I am asking him to “get rid of the dog", I am not asking for the dog to be rehomed, but to stay where it is at the moment, with his family as she has grown up there and is comfortable and happy there (his parents' words not mine).
    via SacredBasil4
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  • 21
    Legion 1117 The solution is simple: do NOT move in together. You're (currently) incompatible.
    via Legion1117
  • 22
    Mrs_B- TLDR. Opening sentence..... I have a growing resentment... Don't care what the issue is, if you are starting to dislike something your boyfriend does/doesn't do, then don't move in together.
    via Mrs_B-
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  • 24
    TravisBlink You think you hate the dog, but it's displaced anger at your partner. Dog isn't welcome. End of story.
    via TravisBlink
  • 25
    slightymine NTA- You should break up with him and give some else the chance who is a better fit to your needs.
    via slightymine
  • 26
    Huge-Personality-737 You have two choices here. The first is not move in together and the second is to split. By what you have described I think it would be best if you both moved on.
    via Huge-Personality-737

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