Marketing professional finds out star teammate trash-talks them behind back decides to quit: ‘Leaving quietly but strategically will say more than any confrontation ever could’’

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  • I (mid-30s, marketing role) recently had an eye-opening experience that pushed me to start looking for a new job.
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  • Coworker publicly called me out over a non-issue – turns out he’s been talking behind my back for months

    "He publicly called me out over a non-issue"
  • One afternoon, I was out with my direct supervisor helping coordinate some partner-facing campaign tasks. When I got back to the office, one of the more senior team members (older than me, always "friendly") immediately called me over and pointed to an email in our shared team inbox.
  • It was an exchange I had with a vendor. In front of everyone, he said, "Why would you even ask them that? It literally says what to do at the bottom of the thread."
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  • I told him the situation was more nuanced than it looked, and I was aware of the whole thread. He smirked, gave a short laugh, and went back to his desk.
  • Everyone heard it. Later, while out again with my supervisor, I asked him directly if he thought what happened was okay. To his credit, he said it definitely wasn't and that he'd speak with the guy.
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  • That's when things got real. My supervisor told me that this coworker regularly talks behind my back-sarcastic comments, passive jabs usually when - I'm not in the room.
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  • I was shocked, because this guy always acts super nice to my face. Apparently, our deputy team lead even laughs along with him. But when my boss confronted the deputy about it, he denied supporting that kind of behavior. Of course.
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  • For context: I've been handling nearly all of the campaign reporting, email scheduling, and copy revisions for months while others have been coasting, waiting for promotions or new job titles.
  • That guy

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  • Meanwhile, this same coworker is consistently late and still gets praised. Side note: this coworker has openly shared that he has ADHD.
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  • If I'm even a few minutes late, I get cold shoulders or passive- aggressive stares. It's worth noting that another team member quit not long ago, completely burned out and demoralized.
  • Also, during a visit from our new department head (when he was still shadowing), this same coworker made an inappropriate, borderline r cist joke that visibly ped the new boss off - and yet nothing happened.
  • I told my supervisor that it's not just the behavior that bothers me - it's the silence from people who should be speaking up, especially the deputy lead. To me, staying silent makes him complicit.
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  • The icing on the cake? The toxic coworker has a glowing internal record and apparently great performance reviews.
  • plan to speak to my chef soon to ask how that's possible and how feedback is actually evaluated.
  • I've started applying elsewhere. We're onboarding two new team members soon- and I'll be the one training them.
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  • I've decided that once I've secured a new job, I'm done. Let the team figure out how to manage everything after I'm gone.
  • I've kept my cool, stayed professional, and documented everything. I never fought back in the moment - and now I'm glad I didn't.
  • Leaving quietly but strategically will say more than any confrontation ever could.
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  • - Has anyone else dealt with a team culture that passively enables toxic behavior? - How would you have handled this if you were in my shoes? - Would you still speak to HR before leaving, or just move on?
  • Would appreciate any insights.

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