Entitled mom abroad insists she visit her daughter when she's unavailable, then tries to guilt-trip her by threatening not to visit at all: ‘She reacted negatively, exactly how I knew she would’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 5, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

When you're apart from family, you're either filled with intense relief or a passive sense of longing. Some individuals come to realize that their familial relationships prosper and thrive when there's a certain amount of distance between them and their loved ones, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. If someone is mature enough to do what they need to do in order to ensure a lifelong familial connection without the drama or heartache, then more power to them. Others come to realize that no matter the distance, some family members will use their oldest tactics in order to get under their skin…

The story you're about to read isn't inherently dramatic, but the issue lies in the subtext. A woman and her romantic partner, who are both professional musicians, have an important gig coming up. The woman's mother insists she visit them during the timeframe when the couple would be unavailable and refuses to compromise on travel dates. As a result, the woman realizes that she might be more mature than her mother. Scroll to read.

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  • When your plans get flipped on their head, it's disappointing, right? However, most emotionally able adults are able to regulate their emotions without taking it out on others, especially family members who don't deserve it.

    The mother, who threatens to put her plan to visit her daughter to rest because she isn't getting her way, is a clear example of what happens when someone is unable to regulate how they're feeling. In turn, they isolate themselves from those who love them. Her daughter responded in empathy, yet the mother couldn't pull it together.

  • "[It] broke my heart..."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for telling my mother that I won’t see them if they come to visit us on holiday."

    Myself (30F) and my partner (27NB) are professional musicians.
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  • On 25/10/25 we have a gig that's an all day type festival thing. Since this is the first gig that my parents had a chance of actually attending, and with my sister
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  • having recently finished high school, we queried if they wanted to come see it. This was posed back in May when our gig was confirmed.
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  • Back then, we stressed to them that the week leading up to the event would be stressful for us, and that those dates aren't dates that we are available.
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  • Important to know is that my partner has chronic fatigue, and that we plan meticulously around that to ensure that they can keep their professional commitments and promises.
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  • My mother and I spoke yesterday, 29/7/25 and she said they were interested in booking 22-26/10 and were currently looking at plane tickets to do so.
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  • My heart immediately sank, because my mother is very intense on the "let's do things together!!!" when she is visiting.
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  • I reminded her of the previous conversation, the chronic fatigue, and that we would be busy with rehearsals and final
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  • preparations/checks on those days, such as packing vans, ensuring all instruments and tech are perfectly set up, and organising our merch for the gig.
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  • She reacted negatively, exactly how I knew she would.
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  • Couldn't we just hang out during the evening, we could go out to museums before rehearsals (opposite end of where we would need to be), sightseeing, going to the beach would be relaxing, etc.
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  • I gently, but firmly, reiterated that we are not available those dates and suggested that they look at the dates I had discussed with
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  • my dad, 23-29/10 instead. That would give them time to land and decompress from flying and would give us a few days after the gig to do all the things she wanted to do.
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  • PASSPORT BOARDING PASS Passenger's name: From: To: Date: Departure: Arrival: 26 APRI 2023 7:00 11:25 GATE SEAT CLASS 03 11B 01 PASSENGER'S NAME: FROM TO: SEAT: GATE: DATE
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+
  • She got upset, stating that she would have to use two days of holiday, instead of one, started complaining about how my dad doesn't take his holiday in the summer, so he has a lot of holiday left, but she does not.
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  • I emphasised with her situation, but also held firm on the boundary that 22-26 are days where we are not available. I explained that if those are the
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  • days they are coming, it would potentially be "hello" and "goodbye", at most it would be brunch in the mornings but that we would be unable to join any of her usual sightseeing.
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  • She ended the call with a parting statement of "well maybe we just won't come at all then" which broke my heart, because I really wanted them to come see our gig and I was really looking to seeing my dad.
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  • Am I the a h le here for setting and maintaining this boundary?
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  • vtretiree23 NTA You have a shiny spine and used it. It's unfortunate she won't budge. I'd go lc/ nc with her. You should not be the only one facing consequences.
    via vtretiree23
  • edenflicka I'm already fairly LC with her. We live in different countries so she can't just come visit. My hesitation is around my dad. They're still together, and he's unfortunately very conflict avoidant. I'd see him a lot less if I cut off my mother.
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  • Individual_Ad_9213 NTA; you are trying to be focused on your gig and on your partner's well being. Your mother does not seem to "get it;" or possibly, she thinks that her extra day of vacation is more important than your scheduling.
    via Individual_Ad_9213
  • However, this is an invitation, not a summons. Your mom has every right to decide not to come for any or for no reason, You might want to focus on, at least, getting your father to come so that someone from your family is there to see, and to record, the event.
    via Individual_Ad_9213
  • PieSweetnesss Totally agree with you! OP laid out clear, respectful boundaries and her mom just didn't want to hear them. This isn't about rejecting family, it's about sticking to commitments and respecting health limits. Trying to get her dad to come sounds like a solid compromise too.
    via PieSweetnesss

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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