'Pay for a taxi': Family member uses PTO to drive their elderly relative to surgery but Granny changes the date at the last minute, designated driver refuses to accommodate their entitlement

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Aug 17, 2025 5:00 AM EDT

Although they were known for their flakiness, this elderly family member seemed to get away with it every time. Taking advantage of everyone's time and expecting her family to bend over backwards, they got used to having everyone jump through hoops for them. But when they opted to make last-minute changes to their surgery appointment, they failed to notify the one family member who could drive them there, expecting them to call out sick and let their previous PTO go to waste. 

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  • AITAH for not requesting a day off in a bid to teach my family member a lesson? So basically one of my elder family members was set to get surgery. I was hoping it'd be done this year but I was told the doctor wantes to leave it for 2026. Naturally I was planning out my
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  • pto for the rest of the year. Just to put things into context, if this person gets surgery, I would be the one driving everyone in the family to and from the hospital, including the operated person, because no one else can drive
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  • there. When they had another surgery earlier this year that was my role and I was also the one to spend the whole day at the hospital during the actual surgery while everyone else went to work/school.
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    via Ruslan Gustov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Ok here is why I am upset. Today I had to go into their online medical chart (since they are not technology saavy) and I see that they have the surgery scheduled to happen in the next 4 weeks. I ask other family members because it was my understanding that
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  • the surgery wasn't happening until 2026. How is it now scheduled for this year and I was not notified especially since I will most likely be the person taking them the day of surgery. I work full time and would have to notify work.
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  • They were like "oh they (the patient) called the hospital last week and said they wanted it earlier." I'm like "thats great but I should have been given a heads up so I can coordinate with my job. I can't just do what I want at work."
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  • The other family members were like " you know this specific person is like that, they do things without notifying etc." In that light I was like, until this particular family member directly tells me about this surgery face to face as is
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  • appropriate, I will not be requesting that day off from work and one of the other family members can take them to their surgery. They can either go by public transportation or pay for a taxi. May be I'm wrong here but I feel as the
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  • most likely person to have to take time off work to take them to the hospital (everyone else will be working that day) I should have atleast been told. There I am doing this to teach them a lesson about common courtesy but am i being an a_h_le for not taking the day off and for feeling upset about this?
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  • ForwardPlenty ⚫ NTA. If someone actually wants a favor from you, they really need to ask you, and in a timely manner so you can take off work. You would be fine saying, "Wish I had know earlier, but I can't take off work on such a short notice."
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  • Well, when you're asking someone for a favor, you usually have to actually speak with them. However, this granny felt like she could telepathically demand that her younger family member take the day off work, proving that their entitlement went way farther than family obligation. Presumably, if they had just asked for help or asked if their relative was available, they would have made things work. 

    But when you're expected to bend over backwards, suddenly you're not so inclined to be helpful… 

  • BitterDoGooder Do not overthink this. You have not been asked and if asked you are unavailable. Period. It is that simple if you let it be.
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  • SMACkpoetry NTA. Is anyone taking turns with you? You shouldnt be the only one who has to give up their off days for this. I wouldnt just not acknowledge it though. When it comes to a head and you say no, the other family members will tell the person that you've known about it. Id talk to them about it directly to avoid that.
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  • ld tell them I found out about the new date, but work has (inventory/special event/etc.) that week, and we had to ask for days off by X deadline, which has already passed. That way, theyll still learn the lesson, but it won't be known that youre intentionally teaching them one.
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  • Aylauria I think it would be best to tell them "I happened to notice in your chart that you moved the surgery date. I just wanted to make sure you knew that you will need to make arrangements for a ride. I cannot get time off work on such short notice." Then tell everyone else the same thing and wash your hands of it.
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  • Armadillo_of_doom ΝΤΑ "Sorry, I didn't know. Work won't let me off. You'll have to find someone else."
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  • lapsteelguitar ⚫ 1. You have every right to feel upset about this. It's not right. 2. You need to warn the person who is having the surgery immediately, so that they can make the appropriate arrangements. They might not otherwise call you until the day before and say "guess what.....?" 3. Stop doing this all together.
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