'I'm frustrated and also embarrassed': Daughter cuts off elderly parents who expect lifelong financial support after retiring with nothing saved

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Aug 21, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Traditionally, kids have been expected to take care of their aging parents once they've become seasoned adults. In some cultures, it's a nonnegotiable duty; while in others, it's framed as a natural exchange. Your parents raised you, so you eventually have to return the favor. 

At its best, it's an act of unconditional love, a reminder that family is supposed to catch you when life becomes too heavy. But in reality, that duty often becomes a financial and emotional burden. Caring for parents while also raising your own kids, paying a mortgage, and trying to build a retirement of your own can feel less like love and more like a lifelong bill you never signed up for.

But the question is, how far would you go? What happens when taking care of your parents stops looking like love and starts looking like you're an unpaid servant?

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  • For one woman, the line was drawn after years of shouldering the load. Since she turned 18, she had been supporting her parents, even letting them live with her well into adulthood. But when they retired without savings and still expected her to bankroll their future indefinitely, she decided she’d had enough.

  • SAVINGS
    via Towfiqu barbhuiya For Unsplash+

  • "AITAH For Refusing To Fund My Parents Retirement for the Rest of their Lives"

    Since i was 18, my retired elderly parents (M70) (F73) had been living with me (F32) up until six years ago when i met my partner and during this time and even after i moved in with him, i had funded my parents' lives.
    via ChosMrs
  • Bills, rent, food, etc. My siblings (M38) (M42) who are both married and living with their own families have helped a little with medicine and cab rides here and there to the doctors but that's been about it. They
    via ChosMrs
  • (parents) have nothing saved, have had a history of failed businesses and sold their house to fund more of those. My dad refused to find a job through all of these because he insisted that
    via ChosMrs
  • he was going to be a businessman with absolutely no knowledge to run one. Meanwhile, the three of us his kids quit school to work and feed ourselves.
    via ChosMrs
  • Fast forward to present day, i have a newborn and unemployed, and i've told them that was it. I've got nothing to give. They were very understanding but would call every two
    via ChosMrs
  • weeks and then still hint at needing cash. We are barely staying afloat ourselves with a single income household and i'm honestly sick of it all.
    via ChosMrs
  • A relative of theirs had taken them in and lent them money to help them get back on their feet. which they sunk in another pyramid scheme. they insisted was a tourism agency startup business. They are
    via ChosMrs
  • insisting that it will be awhile before they make money out of it as they've been brainwashed into believing and the relative. is asking them to move out.
    via ChosMrs
  • I'm at a loss. I've finally let go of the guilt and come to the conclusion that their life decisions on refusing to save, refusing to sort out their retirement, refusing to look for work after selling
    via ChosMrs
  • their business decades ago, selling their house and squandering that money on more “startups” instead of funding our schooling and another home when they were young then now coasting on the
    via ChosMrs
  • generosity of their friends/family to survive has brought them to this. I often get calls asking how i am, and if I've found work yet disguised as concern that almost always concludes with an
    via ChosMrs
  • Cheezburger Image 10543358208
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • unsubtle hint at their financial woes. When i bring up all of the above and the cause of their problems, i get the whole "what do you want us to do now roll over and di¸”.
    via ChosMrs
  • They are constantly talking badly about my siblings who don't call anymore and don't help when in reality, they have families too, they have bills and each have 2-3 kids and can barely hold down a job themselves.
    via ChosMrs
  • They own homes paid for by their spouses that earn more with just enough space for them and the kids whereas i am renting a place far away. Now that I'm a parent myself, it's more clear to me why
    via ChosMrs
  • my siblings have kept a distance. I can't imagine. putting my son through this and being this much of a burden AND an embarrassment to him. I'm frustrated and also embarrassed. While i'm
    via ChosMrs
  • trying to move on with my life and bury the childhood trauma that came with all of this, it feels like they're still stuck and trying to drag me down. Is that selfish? And AITA for having no plans. of going back to funding their lives.
    via ChosMrs
  • simplyexistingnow NTA. You need to build up your own emergency fund. They could have made better choices, like buying a camper and becoming camp hosts at a
    via simplyexistingnow
  • campground for free boarding. They have options you're not that option.any longer. I'd start limiting your conversations with them
    via simplyexistingnow
  • BlueMoonTone "Have you found work yet?" "No, have you?" NTA
    via BlueMoonTone
  • GreenStuffGrows NTA Look at your beautiful baby and imagine doing to him what your parents are trying to do to you.
    via GreenStuffGrows
  • He's your priority now, not them.
    via GreenStuffGrows
  • Middle-Egg-5205 I have been killing myself trying to help my mom only to see ber bot just squander any money she gets but turn it into debt
    via Middle-Egg-5205
  • wuth those pay in four installment deaks. I resent her so much I cant even deal knowing her anymore. Im moving away and whatever happens to her is her own business. Let them figure it out. They
    via Middle-Egg-5205
  • dont get to consume your life after they threw their security away with both hands.
    via Middle-Egg-5205

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family drama kids parenting retirement children entitled people
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