Stay-at-home dad dyes 14-year-old son's hair purple, pushes back when working wife complains about them making memories without her: My son isn't even comfortable with her anymore'

Becoming a parent is a shock to the system in many ways, but one common thing that many moms in particular find difficult to prepare for is the level of guilt that can be felt in relation to their children. Every single decision that gets made post-parenthood feels like it has to be measured against the effect it will have on the kids, and more often than not, there are going to be doubts that you are making the correct decision.

The awkward thing is that while sometimes that little voice in your head is going to be highly unreasonable, other times, it's kind of right. Even if they get support and care from elsewhere, being a present part of the lives of your kids is essential, should you choose to have them. This can be difficult when you have responsibilities such as working full-time as well, and it is something that is often the source of tension between kids, parents, and partners who share children.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    via NARIS ALY

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • This was something that one dad reminded his wife of when she got upset that he had curated a coming-of-age experience with him without her. Coloring their son's hair with the help of a friend, she started crying as she felt left out of the experience.

    As a stay-at-home dad, the father had taken on almost all the parenting duties in recent years while his wife worked. He felt like his son was no longer comfortable with her and told her that they would not do anything together if they waited for her to join in. This caused her to stop talking to her husband, and he wanted to know if he had crossed a line.

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    AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any?

    Last weekend, I (39M) helped my son (14M) dye his hair purple. (Or, my good friend who actually knew what he was doing helped dye my son's hair while I was there for music requests and object fetching.) It was such a fun day, and I could tell how happy it made my boy. I didn't tell my wife before we did this, and that was the catalyst to the fight we're currently having. But for me, it's so much more than this one incident.
    via sitandthink86
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    My wife has been hands off with our child for a while now. His soccer games, little road trips to nearby amusement parks, back to school shopping. She's too busy with work, or too tired from work. So, I've mostly just stopped having the conversations. Why would I waste my breath to have the same conversations on repeat?
    via sitandthink86
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    The night we dyed his hair, she started crying while we were talking saying we were making all of these memories without her. I asked he what she expected me to do. If we waited for her to make memories, we would be sitting in a dark room 100% of the time. My son isn't even really comfortable with her anymore. There is no 'l can't take you, go ask your mom.' Now it's, 'I'm sorry I can't take you, let me see if (friend) is free that day.'
    via sitandthink86
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    EDIT: I'm a stay at home dad. The original plan was for me to start working again when our son went to kindergarten, but my wife was gunning for a promotion around that time and asked me to stay out home longer. Once she got the promotion, her hours increased, so that time was extended once again. I am responsible for all the household chores and general home-making tasks. I cook, clean, do all the yard work, all the grocery shopping, etc. I do enjoy being a stay at home dad, but I've been ready
    via sitandthink86
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    Commenters sympathized with the dad's predicament.

    Tourist Tricky Dude, more power to you. I was so lucky that my wife and I both loved being parents, never had this issue. Being a dad is the most fulfilling fun thing I've ever done and I've pretty much spent my life pursuing fulfillment and fun. Keep at it, don't let her stuff bring you down. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
    via TouristTricky
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    crumpledspoon Listen, this could easily be a gender swapped story. There are so many aitahs about wives who've stopped trying to artificially create moments for their husbands to be dads. And you are just as NTA as they are. Being a parent is so much more than financial support, it's about emotional presence. You are there for your son, and it hurts him each time your wife has said she doesn't have time to be there for him that it now hurts him less to ask. Your son is the priority, not your wif
    via crumpledspoon
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    PsiBlaze NTA At least you are there for your son. He deserves at least one of you to remember he exists.
    via PsiBlaze
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    20MLSE20 How true one day they're 4 and next both graduating University. Blink of an eye. So glad I was there for majority of it all and why still have an amazing relationship with both my adult children.
    via 20MLSE20
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    Scannaer Yeah, NTA. Reverse the gender and there is NO ONE questioning OP. She has all the options to have more contact with her own child but failed to do so. This is her failing as a mother and she should be happy her child has at least one caring parent. She urgently needs a reality check and step up her parent-game.
    via Scannaer
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    Apprehensive Maybe13 She is mad at her self and her life choices and she will be regretting this the rest of her life if she makes no changes. Nta
    via Apprehensive_Maybe13
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    StragglingShadow NTA. Shes feeling regret. Id recommend her some therapy to deal with that and to help push her into changing before its too late for her to bond with her son at all
    via StragglingShadow
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    IntelligentAunt5006 NTA. Time doesn't stop just because someone is busy. Every one else's lives keep on moving.
    via IntelligentAunt5006
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    Lazy-Instruction-600 NTA. Have her watch the movie Click with Adam Sandler. Only, too bad for her there is no rewind function to start over and try again. She's messing this up big time and it's like she doesn't even notice that the problem is her - not you or your son. My work schedule is insane and yes, I AM tired a LOT of the time from it. But no matter how tired I am, I always make time for my child to have bonding time. We go to amusement parks, the beach. We have special time during bedtim
    via Lazy-Instruction-600
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    The_Octane NTA. My friend, you need to zoom out. This has nothing to do with your son or his hair. Go have an honest conversation with your wife. Best of luck
    via The_Octane
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    Luciferbelle NTA You don't need to justify why you're a stay at home dad. Women don't have to justify themselves about it. Your wife refuses to spend time with her child, and she just didn't like hearing the truth.
    via Luciferbelle
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    AloHaHa2023 NTA... but I think she could think something else to do with you son. Take him to a concert he wants. Take him on a weekend trip.
    via AloHaHa2023
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    Weird-Way-1748 NTA at all. You're giving your son at least one present and stable parent. She seems quite detached or caught up in other things to acknowledge your son and he's at or entering high school age, so in just a short few years he will be graduating and she'll barely know a thing if she continues this trend.
    via Weird-Way-1748
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    GillianHolroyd1 NTA I had a mother whom I have no childhood memories of because she did nothing with me. I just existed in the same house as her. At least you are bringing up the problem with her believe me your son will remember the emptiness where their relationship is supposed to be.
    via GillianHolroyd1
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    Candid Gap_3299 OP I'm concerned for you all. Especially your marriage. In four years or so you are going to be empty nesters. If you aren't making new memories now you're definitely not going to make them after he leaves. This is maybe the most crucial time period for you all. I honestly would recommend therapy as a family and for you individually. If you are basically a single parent right now you are going to be a single person when your kid leaves unless something changes now.
    via Candid_Gap_3299
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    Blu_Blueberry14 NTA, understand busy. No one ever said in a retirement speech "I wish I would have worked more." Regret you can never fix.
    via Blu_Blueberry14

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